And, that being said, I invite you to reflect on all that this evinces. What are you the verdict of?
It took longer to ponder this question, to fully grasp the deeper meaning behind it. Here I am at the end of 2015. I am 32 years old now — I’m finally at my lucky number. I am a woman, wife, mother, co-worker, employee, dreamer, writer, tutor, and so much more. I am me — I am who I am, and that’s all I can be. I don’t have my career path completely mapped out — or even really know what I’d like to do, for that matter — but I know the caliber of woman I’d like to be. I’ve traveled through 2015 without the same pains and wounds of 2013 and 2014. The verdict is in, and I’m not the awful mother they tried to convince me I was. My children are earning A’s and B’s. They are clothed, well-fed with plenty of fruits and vegetables, and given a home to feel safe in. They are all individuals with their own verdicts. I’m not perfect, but I strive to put their needs above all else. Sure, I have moments in which I need to prioritize myself, but one cannot serve from an empty vessel. Refilling my vessel with sleep, water, and real food must happen in order to survive and thrive. If anyone ever tells you that your are a failure as a human being for refilling your vessel, shun them. They do not have your best interests at heart, much less the best interests of anyone else for that matter.
I am the verdict of chance. My entrance into this world was quite by accident, but chance favored me. Chance hasn’t always been in my favor, of course, but chance has been the verdict of me. I am chance. Chance is me. I am here. I have made it. I am ready to embrace chance once again as 2016 approaches, and I intend to pursue what I started at the end of 2012. I intend to dust myself off, shake off the fog, and remind myself that I am strong and brave.