Author: Meredith

To continue yesterday’s grateful sentiments, my friend enjoyed a delicious dinner with us. We got to catch up a bit on goings-on in our lives. Not only did we get an evening with her, but we also got lunch time with her. She picked me up from work, more chatting ensued, we hang out at my place with the fam, and then she dropped me back off at work before heading back on the road. Now, the very wonderful news: she will be returning to us very, very soon. I encouraged her several times to check out the apartments in our complex — and swore up and down I wasn’t being the least bit selfish. Okay, so maybe I am, but could you blame me for wanting one of my besties within walking distance? 😉

A very wonderful friend of ours is coming to visit, and she’ll be stopping by to enjoy dinner with our family this evening. She is by far one of my favorite people, and I’m so pleased we’ll have the opportunity to entertain her once again as she returns to town in the hopes of making plans to return for a bit of time. She remembers a time when Rob was “baby boy,” a mere infant at the time. The last time she came to visit, she marveled at how big he’s gotten — and how insane it is that now we’ve got our younger two. It’s just so amazing how quickly time flies, how fast children grow. I hope her visit here is productive and fruitville because I miss hanging out with her. I’m making it a point to go for some delicious food at Chop Stix when she gets settled back in (yes, I’m putting some optimistic vibes out there right now).

By now I’m sure you all realize that Sundays are “days of mindfulness” according to The Mindfulist website. I keep thinking about the last post that reassured me that “everything is unfolding as it should.” This is probably a very accurate observation about life in general. I keep taking all of Brenda Della Casa’s words of wisdom with great care. I’m also coming to realize that a great wealth of wisdom has been at my finger tips for quite some time. You know her as my “silver lining.” I know her as Lori. Upon reflection, I’m not surprised that she’s full of such talent — she’s been driving the route for nearly two years now. I’ve had plenty of conversations with her, a very unusual occurrence as I usually ride the bus with my headphones on to block out the world and go within myself.

Today, I’m going to keep all these words of wisdom carefully in my mind and remain mindful of my thoughts and actions. I’m going to drink in my surroundings and pay attention to life’s lessons as mindfully as possible.

My doula/ friend came over today to hang out. The last time I saw her, she was still pregnant with her little girl. I got to meet the little baby girl who was still in my doula’s belly when Brian Jr. was born. Too cute! The kids got to play with her older daughter, and I got some quality mom friend time in. She’s one of the best people I’ve ever met, and today I got to give back in a big way. You see, she’d be handing down clothes for Tati after she was born (she was there for when Tati was born, nearly three years ago), and I was able to give her two boxes full of pretty, girly clothes for her daughter to wear. Her face just lit up when she saw how much there was. I’m so happy to have brought joy to such a wonderful person.

I’m grateful for having a decent opportunity to make a little pocket change sent my way (see the PPP sponsored post  below). I’ve had a few opportunities that I either didn’t get to in time or didn’t feel particularly interested in. Hey, I’m not going to hock something on here unless I’m confident it’s worth the damage it does to my page rank. Okay, maybe that’s not what’s going on with my page rank, and who cares about my stupid page rank when I’ve clearly got a reader base — a returning reader base, at that! 😉

I’m also grateful for the phone conversation I was afforded last night. Talk about enlightening! We’ll see what happens from here, but I’ve got a good feeling a lot of questions have been answered. Should this not be the end-all of those questions, well, darn it, I’ll just have to research things a little more in order to get some decoding done. Then I’ll learn to let go. It’s not the past that matters — it’s the present. The present is the most important thing. Sure, we need to learn from the past, but once we take those lessons we need to apply them to the here and now. Dwelling on the past serves only to chain us to the past. It’s better to move forward and plan for the future. It’s better to live in the moment, to be mindful of that given moment and all the wonderful things present in that moment. If we miss what’s going on in the here and now, we miss out on possibly making new and happy memories.

[February 16th] Beginner’s Mind: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few”. – Shunryu Suzuki / Are you a beginner or an expert? Do you strive to be one over the other? (This is from yesterday, but I’m going to begin dating them as of the date I complete them for the sake of simplicity.)

I must be a beginner in some respects because right now there are so many endless possibilities for my future. On the other hand, I’m an expert in other respects because their are very possibilities in other aspects of my life. I’ve always desired to be an expert on one level or another, and I find quite often that we cannot all be experts on everything. We can try, we can hope, and we can dream, but we will never be experts in everything.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You cannot fix some of the personal things going on in your life right now, but you can focus on making the right changes for a brighter future. It’s a waste of time to get angry. Travel will bring you greater clarity. 3 stars

My horoscope for today actually seemed to have some relevance to my present situation. This morning I was so furious, I wanted to send an angry email demanding answers — real, true, factual answers, NOT the garbage I’ve been fed for so very, very long — and I spent a good bit of time trying to “sit on my hands.” I’m unsure of the travel they speak of (it seems like they throw that travel part in almost every single day for the fun of it), but I have had moments of mental clarity today. I was reminded of a very similar situation, and I know exactly where all that vinegar will get me — nowhere. It’s not worth my stress, it’s not worth my time, it’s just not worth it. And just because people say something is the right thing to do doesn’t mean they’re right. They don’t know all the issues surrounding it, so they couldn’t possibly make the same conclusions I have. I will follow my code of ethics, and I will not settle for anything less. And why should I? No one should settle for anything less than the just and honorable path. No one should settle for anything less than truth, integrity, love, happiness, etc. We are given a finite time on this planet — as my fortune cookie said a couple weeks ago, “minutes are worth more than money — spend them wisely.”

Today was starting out like one of those really lousy days. I hadn’t set out my clothes the night before, and all my warmer stuff was still in the dryer — enjoying the freezing temperatures pouring in via the dryer vent. Do you have any idea how ridiculously hard it is to change into chilly clothing? Definitely not fun. I let them sit under one of the air vents to warm up — just as the heater turned off. You’d better believe I layered up before trudging out the door into the 29°F air that apparently felt like 23°F. The proverbial black cloud was looming over my head. To be concise, things just weren’t going my way this morning. Things just felt off. This 26-year-old woman sitting here typing was on the verge of tears several times, only tempered by the large glass windows-for-walls that would make me a spectacle for all passers-by.

And then, it happened. My boss had arrived from the store with all the things we needed around the office — including some green tea. But not just any green tea! It’s my favorite brand, my favorite variety. A mere serving of the stuff has the unique ability to right all my wrongs, both physical and mental. I don’t know if it’s the antioxidants, the gingseng, or something different, but I feel so much better. It’s mental clarity and physical well-being in a cup/ bottle/ can. Today, I’m grateful for my saving grace. Here’s to my own personal do-over for the day!

I don’t think we give FaceBook enough credit for the fabulous resource that it is. I mean, Google only gets you so far when you’re trying to reconnect with people. FaceBook? FaceBook is like the Google of people. It gets you in touch with people you knew in high school. It gets you in touch with old friends after you’ve moved away. It finds people — important people — you had always wondered about. Today I’ve finally found a missing piece to my past. I don’t know how this will affect my future, but believe me when I say that I’m relieved to finally be much closer to the truth.  Today, I’m grateful that in this day and age I have the resources to answer even the most complicated questions out there.

[February 13th] Practice: Question-asking: Ask a question you’ve never asked before. Today. Let us know what happens.

It would see I’ve missed a very important prompt. Here’s my question that I’m in the process of asking: What if everything you were told about your past was a lie? Seriously, it’s a very critical question to me these days. It would seem that all these years I was led to believe an elaborate lie. Where do I go from here? Well, I’ve decided to be proactive in uncovering the truth. I don’t know why the truth was skewed as it was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t at least find the truth. (Incidentally, my husband came up with a plausible explanation that sounds nicer than my wild imagination’s plethora of explanations.) So I’ve found some very good leads, and I’m very, very close to discovering a lot of interesting things about my past.

On the bright side of things, I’d like to thank that elaborate story teller because my imagination took that lie and spun it into a potential Great American Novel. Of course the real plot twister would be if that elaborate lie really is the truth. Who knows? Regardless, I’m ever closer to the closure I desire. I will hopefully be able to put my past where it belongs and move forward. In the meantime, I intend to go through this experience as mindfully as possible. Here’s to new discoveries and answered questions!

I’ve been letting the questions of my past get the better of me lately, and I can’t figure out why it’s so important to me to have these answers. What difference will it make? Will I somehow become a different person? Will it some how change the meaning of my life? The answer to the latter two questions is no. But for some strange reason things like this are important to me, even though I’ve heard the answer I’m looking for isn’t an answer I’d want to find. I’ll be the judge of that (okay, so really I’m just stubborn).

I spent a good portion of the day ensuring that I kept quite busy — busy enough that I don’t have time to do today’s mindfulist prompt. In fact, the prompt requires detailed reading, and I’m quite  intrigued by said reading material. Look forward to a mindfulist post regarding question-asking and perfect life ponderings.