Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Friends

Friends: We need people who nurture us. Friends provide care, support, encouragement, and enjoyment. Are you treating your friends in a nurturing, supportive manner? How can you cultivate the friendships you hold dear?

I’ve got a lot of people who I interact with regularly, but I feel like I’m not cultivating friendships with the people I find good friendships with. I miss old friends and wish I could communicate with them more often. Obviously, I need to work hard on cultivating my friendships.

I’d like to start emailing old friends. Just because we’re friends on Facebook doesn’t mean we’re communicating. I really need to take the time to initiate email conversation. I’d also like to email some of my newer friends who I’ve met through this process more often. I’d like to cultivate my friendships with these strong, independent women. Empowered women help me feel empowered.

Finally, I’ve got friends locally that I’d like to spend more time with. I’d like to form stronger bonds by reaching out and communicating more. I haven’t been out with a friend since we lived in Gainesville. This is not what I’d call thriving — I need to at least have a few people I can socialize with. I may not feel social all the time, but I crave friendship. It builds my self-esteem and gives me an outlet for that side of my myself.

I hope to cultivate stronger bonds with my friends in the new year.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Children

Children: Perhaps you’re a parent. Perhaps you’re an aunt or uncle. Perhaps you just associate with people who have kids of their own. Regardless of how you’re related, the way we interact with the children in our lives makes a significant impact on their lives. Are you setting a good example? How can you nurture the next generation?

[When I wrote this prompt back in October, I never would have imagined that events that took place yesterday would align so painfully with this prompt. However, I’ve chosen to keep this prompt for today. Now more than ever we need to evaluate our relationships with children, whether they are our own babies or someone else’s babies. We were all children once, and we shouldn’t ever forget that. No one should ever do what that man did yesterday, and yet he selfishly stole the lives of young innocents. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.]

As a mother of three, I’m entrusted to raise three respectable members of society. I try to instill good manners in them — saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc. I’d like to think that I’m setting a good example for them by treating others with respect. There are some days when I feel like a horrible example, but I know we all have our moments. Sometimes others eat at our nerves until we can’t maintain a smile and a pleasant attitude anymore. (I’m sure we all know those moments when that guy cuts us off when we’re already doing the speed limit on a bad day, and we may let a choice word slip… 😉 )

I also wish I was more mentally present for my children. On my days off, I feel more like I’m just being lazy and too solitary. Of course, my line of work has the tendency to use up my sociability. Still, I need to take steps to nurture my little ones more. I need to be more present. I need to sit down and play games with them. It isn’t enough to simply be physically present and provide for their basic needs. I need to engage them more than the usual, “oh, okay,” “uh-huh,” and the like. We need more interaction, especially on my part. I’ve been feeling very inadequate as a mother because I don’t feel like the quality of time I spend with them measures up. I want to see them smile, hear them giggle, watch them play happily, and share moments and memories. Those moments don’t feel like enough — but maybe I’m just being greedy. [Considering I wrote this response before receiving the news yesterday, I now feel even greedier because I’m sure those parents are wishing they could at least just have the crappy moments back — to simply be physically present in the same room. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that a monster would walk straight into a classroom and open fire…] Still, I want to live my life knowing I expressed my love and care for them, knowing I nurtured them to the best of my ability. I won’t get much more time with them in the grand scheme of things.

[I went forward with today’s prompt in spite of yesterday’s events. Instead of looking away from that tragedy and feeling ashamed to have this prompt aligned this way with the news, I’m choosing to embrace this prompt even more today — to embrace the future generation even more, and to comfort them a little more.]

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Significant Others

Significant Others: When we choose to become romantically involved with someone, we’re opening ourselves to a very deep relationship. How can you nurture a healthy, loving relationship with your partner? If you’re not romantically involved with someone, you may choose to evaluate former relationships to identify ways in which you’d like to nurture future relationships.

My husband and I met nearly 12 years ago online, and we originally only had that medium and the phone to communicate and build our bond. We’ve been married for over 10 years now. We’ve had ups and downs just like any couple. After all this time and three children, life can get routine and stressful. We don’t really spend much quality time together. We may get a few minutes to have adult conversations after the kids go to bed, but it’s either couple time or sleep — or cleaning, reading, etc.

I think next year I want to schedule more time together. WE used to play cards together and watch anime. Maybe we could have a night a week where we watch an anime and play cards, sit and watch a movie, go out, or just sit and talk. Our presence in the relationship is nice, but I think we need to participate as a couple more often. We need a strong bond to face several life events and changes as a pair. Parents will pass, children will grow up and start their own families, and we’ll be alone before we know it. It’s best to have shared interests so we can grow together.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Parents

Parents: Whether they’re still alive or long since passed, biological or adopted, our parents were the first people to teach us about relationships. How can you cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them? How can you reconcile your past with your present and future?

I haven’t always had the best relationships with my parents, but I think that translates into everyone’s pasts with parents to varying extents. I think the best way to approach it is to treat them as adults — to treat them with the same respect I’d expect and to remember that I’m an adult now as well. I’ve got my own family now, a job, bills to pay, and responsibilities. Unfortunately, a lot of times my obligations and responsibilities get in the way of communication with my parents — and that leaves me feeling inadequate.

I think the most prudent way to cultivate better relationships with my parents should be to schedule regular phone calls to keep in touch. I know what days are typically good mutually, so I might as well make a habit of calling them — instead of feeling awful at the end of day off because I didn’t get to call them. I know that they’d appreciate it, and I could involve my children in the phone call as well.

I’m also awful at budgeting to send anything. I need to quit that. I need to return the favor of sending gifts for birthdays. There’s got to be a small portion of our budget that I can save and use for them.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Appreciate

Appreciate: Cultivate isn’t about being in a constant state of happiness — it’s about practicing happiness, much like you’d practice a sport or musical instrument. How can you infuse more appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring you joy?

This year I’ve taken to writing daily lists of gratitude, acknowledgments, and happinesses. The simple act of writing these lists instantly improves my mood. To infuse my appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring me happiness, I might choose to site a daily person, place, and thing of the day. I could express my gratitude vocally to the people who bring me happiness more often. I could visit my favorite places more often and recommend them to others. I could organize and store my favorite things more often and more effectively to enjoy them more often and show my appreciation for what I have. I will continue my daily lists because they aide in the process of appreciation. I choose to cultivate appreciation in my life because the act of gratitude itself brings me happiness.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Avoidance

Avoidance: Some times it’s hard to face what needs to be accomplished. What did you avoid this year? How can you make peace with your fears, concerns, and distractions in order to face that one (or more!) thing(s)?

I think I avoided working on my business and my health a lot more than I should have. I know that I’m onto a great idea with my business, but I’m so scared of getting from here to success with my business. So many scenarios float in that canyon of unknowns. I could fail to meet certain goals and fall short of my budget. I could find that my great ideas don’t translate into the real world. I could fail — and I don’t want to fail. However, I know I can’t succeed if I never try.

I’ve also been avoiding making time to sleep, pack healthy food choices, exercise, read, and cultivate my mind and soul. I may have succeeded a bit, but I needed more of a life change. I’m onto an idea here with my December prompts, but I wish I had thought of these questions much, much sooner.

I think I can succeed in changing my life next year. I’m currently compiling quite a bit of information from myself that will facilitate growth and change. I’ll most definitely feel capable of facing my fears and living my life worth loving.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 What Matters Now

What Matters Now: Cultivate is about living in the here and now. What matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters during 2013?

My family and my health matter the most right now. Without those, my life won’t be worth loving. I absolutely must focus my intentions on achieving better health and healing the bonds of my family.

I plan to make more family time in 2013. I want to have regular game nights, movie nights, picnics, and family outings. I want to clear some space in the budget to go out for ice cream on occasion. Obviously, I’ve already confessed my intentions to build a healthy, gentle movement routine. I’m going to remember that I want to succeed with my business because I want to focus on family and health.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Healing

Healing: The Cultivate project is all about healing yourself. How have you healed yourself, your relationships, and/ or your community this year? How would you like to heal these aspects next year?

This was an incredibly loaded, heavy prompt for me. I wrote this prompt knowing I’d need to answer it — but not realizing how deeply the subject of healing would stump me. Perhaps it’s because I so desperately feel the need to heal that I had such a difficult time facing these questions.

This year I healed myself by giving up gluten. I may not always notice any difference, but I notice the pain and discomfort I experience after accidental (or intentional) glutening. I moved out of my in-laws house, decreasing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression. I also breathe easier again. I don’t judge smokers unless they’re in a house with non-smokers, chain smoking a fog in the breathing space of others. I lost twenty pounds, which increased my self-esteem and decreased the size of my clothes. I initiated the Cultivate project, exploring myself from a different vantage point. I’ve made more time for my family and identified problems that we need to address moving forward. I smiled at nearly everyone in my community, serving as a beacon of hope — and hopefully inspiration.

Next year I’d like to continue this momentum. I’d like to further decrease my feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. I’d like to feed myself a healthier, cleaner, more whole menu (diet is so cliché). I’d like less sugar, less saturated and partially hydrogenated fats, less words I can’t pronounce, and less plastic. I’d like more fruits, vegetables, chicken, turkey, fish, potatoes, brown rice, olive oil, nuts, seeds, beans, and new foods I’ve never tried before. I’d like to feel stronger and more energetic. I’d like to feel well-rested and full of immunity. I’d like to strengthen my bonds with family and friends. I’d like to provide constructive input to help my community prosper. I’d like to become involved with initiatives to rebuild the dying, dilapidated areas. We deserve so much better than crumbling rubble. We deserve places to shop, eat, and visit. We deserve to have more to offer tourists and passers-by.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Health

Health: How did you treat your body this year? You only get this one vessel one time around. In what ways can you cultivate better health for your body next year?

Between giving up gluten and moving into my own space, I’d like to say I’ve treated my body with respect. Have I been great to my body? Absolutely not. I’ve neglected to practice gentle movements, such as walking and yoga. I’ve consumed far too much sugar, and I’m terrified that my upcoming dental x-rays in February may reflect that. I’m also far too sensitive to the effects of sugar to continue consuming it near daily. My blood work showed I might even have pre-diabetes.

Next year I think I”m going to give up unnecessary sugars for Lent. Unless it occurs naturally within the food I’m eating, I won’t add it or eat food made with processed sugars. I’m going to work on creating habits that get my blood flowing. I don’t care if I look better in my clothes — or out of them, for that matter. I simply care that I feel well and my body maintains good health. Too many times I feel the pressure to either lose weight or not lose weight — it depends on who I’m around. I just want to feel healthy for myself. My shape is my own, and I’ve actually started coming to terms with the “momma pouch.” That pouch reminds me that I need to be healthy for my children.

I think I’m also going to remind my doctor that I’m NOT too young to have my cholesterol checked. We checked my thyroid and discovered that it was not, in fact, causing me any troubles. If we check my cholesterol and discover that I do not have any hypercholesterolemia problems, at least I’ll feel at peace with my health. I’d really like to rule out anything serious so I can feel comfortable that I simply need more sleep, healthier food choices, and more exercise to feel better.

Share
Posted on

#Cultivate2012 Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style

Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us more enjoyment than others. Some foods leave us feeling less than ourselves. What foods nourished your soul and body this year? What food choices can you make in 2013 to cultivate more self-care?

This year I learned how to make do with rice and potatoes. I gave up gluten for Lent in February as an experiment to see if my body had a reaction to gluten. On Easter, I discovered without any doubts that gluten negatively affects my digestive health. It was bittersweet because I’ve always loved bread and pasta — but they didn’t love me back. Along with this lifestyle change, I lost 20 pounds. It’s hard to believe I’ve been carrying around that much bloat! While it sounds difficult or like a fad, I’m actually comfortable without gluten. I treat it the way a diabetic treats sugar, a person with high cholesterol treats saturated fats and cholesterol, and a hypertension patient treats salt. I treat it how a person with food allergies would treat their allergens. It’s not a “diet.” It’s a not a “trend” to me. It’s a better quality of life.

Share