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#Cultivate2012 Healing

Healing: The Cultivate project is all about healing yourself. How have you healed yourself, your relationships, and/ or your community this year? How would you like to heal these aspects next year?

This was an incredibly loaded, heavy prompt for me. I wrote this prompt knowing I’d need to answer it — but not realizing how deeply the subject of healing would stump me. Perhaps it’s because I so desperately feel the need to heal that I had such a difficult time facing these questions.

This year I healed myself by giving up gluten. I may not always notice any difference, but I notice the pain and discomfort I experience after accidental (or intentional) glutening. I moved out of my in-laws house, decreasing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression. I also breathe easier again. I don’t judge smokers unless they’re in a house with non-smokers, chain smoking a fog in the breathing space of others. I lost twenty pounds, which increased my self-esteem and decreased the size of my clothes. I initiated the Cultivate project, exploring myself from a different vantage point. I’ve made more time for my family and identified problems that we need to address moving forward. I smiled at nearly everyone in my community, serving as a beacon of hope — and hopefully inspiration.

Next year I’d like to continue this momentum. I’d like to further decrease my feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. I’d like to feed myself a healthier, cleaner, more whole menu (diet is so cliché). I’d like less sugar, less saturated and partially hydrogenated fats, less words I can’t pronounce, and less plastic. I’d like more fruits, vegetables, chicken, turkey, fish, potatoes, brown rice, olive oil, nuts, seeds, beans, and new foods I’ve never tried before. I’d like to feel stronger and more energetic. I’d like to feel well-rested and full of immunity. I’d like to strengthen my bonds with family and friends. I’d like to provide constructive input to help my community prosper. I’d like to become involved with initiatives to rebuild the dying, dilapidated areas. We deserve so much better than crumbling rubble. We deserve places to shop, eat, and visit. We deserve to have more to offer tourists and passers-by.

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#Cultivate2012 Health

Health: How did you treat your body this year? You only get this one vessel one time around. In what ways can you cultivate better health for your body next year?

Between giving up gluten and moving into my own space, I’d like to say I’ve treated my body with respect. Have I been great to my body? Absolutely not. I’ve neglected to practice gentle movements, such as walking and yoga. I’ve consumed far too much sugar, and I’m terrified that my upcoming dental x-rays in February may reflect that. I’m also far too sensitive to the effects of sugar to continue consuming it near daily. My blood work showed I might even have pre-diabetes.

Next year I think I”m going to give up unnecessary sugars for Lent. Unless it occurs naturally within the food I’m eating, I won’t add it or eat food made with processed sugars. I’m going to work on creating habits that get my blood flowing. I don’t care if I look better in my clothes — or out of them, for that matter. I simply care that I feel well and my body maintains good health. Too many times I feel the pressure to either lose weight or not lose weight — it depends on who I’m around. I just want to feel healthy for myself. My shape is my own, and I’ve actually started coming to terms with the “momma pouch.” That pouch reminds me that I need to be healthy for my children.

I think I’m also going to remind my doctor that I’m NOT too young to have my cholesterol checked. We checked my thyroid and discovered that it was not, in fact, causing me any troubles. If we check my cholesterol and discover that I do not have any hypercholesterolemia problems, at least I’ll feel at peace with my health. I’d really like to rule out anything serious so I can feel comfortable that I simply need more sleep, healthier food choices, and more exercise to feel better.

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#Cultivate2012 Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style

Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us more enjoyment than others. Some foods leave us feeling less than ourselves. What foods nourished your soul and body this year? What food choices can you make in 2013 to cultivate more self-care?

This year I learned how to make do with rice and potatoes. I gave up gluten for Lent in February as an experiment to see if my body had a reaction to gluten. On Easter, I discovered without any doubts that gluten negatively affects my digestive health. It was bittersweet because I’ve always loved bread and pasta — but they didn’t love me back. Along with this lifestyle change, I lost 20 pounds. It’s hard to believe I’ve been carrying around that much bloat! While it sounds difficult or like a fad, I’m actually comfortable without gluten. I treat it the way a diabetic treats sugar, a person with high cholesterol treats saturated fats and cholesterol, and a hypertension patient treats salt. I treat it how a person with food allergies would treat their allergens. It’s not a “diet.” It’s a not a “trend” to me. It’s a better quality of life.

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#Cultivate2012 Letting Go

Letting Go: What do you need to let go of to cultivate your best life in 2013?

I need to let go of my fears to cultivate my best life in 2013. I’m staring across a large canyon, trying to determine how best to cross it. I can’t climb down into the abyss — not with a husband and three kids counting on me. I can’t leap across — I don’t know if I’ll make it or fall down on the jagged rocks below. I don’t know if I have the resources and means to bridge that gap. I need to explore my options — but more importantly, I need to overcome my fears.

I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid that no one will want to pay me for a grammar workshop or eCourse. I’m afraid no one wants an English tutor or consultant. I’m afraid that I’m going to be stuck working for someone else’s vision for the rest of my life. I’m afraid I’m not good enough to make a life worth loving. But most of all, I’m afraid that my fears will stop me from realizing my dreams.

I’m letting go of those fears right now. I know I can cultivate the resources necessary, and I know I can find creative ways to cross this huge canyon. I can realize my dreams and spit squarely in the face of fear.

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#Cultivate2012 Lesson

Lesson: We may have started this year with the best of intentions, but plans may have gone awry. What lesson really jumped out at you this year? How can you cultivate that lesson going forward?

My biggest, most challenging lesson to learn this year was relinquishing control to the unknowns. Life happens, and sometimes we can’t prepare for these unexpected variables. We can try to be ready, but we can’t control life. When I began to let go of my need for control, I started to feel lighter and more ready to face my days.

Now, I’m stubborn. I form habits and tend to fall back into old habits easily. Cultivating a lifestyle of less control will continue to be a challenge going forward. My father-in-law once told a former therapist that I “control the way the world spins.” I think he meant to say I feel the need to control the way the world spins, and he’s actually made a fairly accurate observation of my control-freak nature. When things don’t go just right, I get grouchy. I’ve had to really stop, remind myself that other human beings and animals have wills of their own, and take a deep breath. Mechanical features fail with or without warning. Other people’s choices may touch my own life. Considering I’ve done well to cultivate gratitude and happiness by listing my daily gratitudes, acknowledgments, and happinesses, I’m sure I could practice releasing my need for control over too many aspects of life.

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#Cultivate2012 Reframing

Reframing: How are you framing yourself, your relationships, your community, and your dreams? Could you reframe these as we enter 2013?

I’ve been working on the frames I assign to myself and the various facets of my life. Most days I frame myself as a capable woman who’s resourceful enough to make life work. Other days, my frame darkens and reflects a very miserable individual stuck in a deep, dark chasm.

I’ve framed my relationships as broken and dysfunctional. Instead of viewing them as such, I might reframe them as works in progress or in need of TLC. If something seems broken or dysfunctional, it should be fixed and given better functioning.

I viewed my community as a back-water, middle-of-nowhere location until this summer. I began reframing it as a cozy, quiet rural community that’s close enough to Chattanooga for my urban needs. I’ve also noticed areas in our county that need some life injected back into them. I’ve been inspired by a local philanthropist who’s breathed new life into downtown Lafayette and built a classy restaurant, an adorable tavern, and renovated the historic Mars Theater.

So during 2013, I’m going to frame everything as needing cultivation. Cultivating is an ongoing process that always leaves room to nurture bonds and growth.

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#Cultivate2012 Time

Time: Time is a valuable resource. Did you spend your time wisely this year? What can you do to cultivate more quality in your time during 2013?

Looking back on my time during 2012, I know I took the time to make necessary life changes that have given me a better quality of life. I didn’t spend every waking moment in the best ways possible, but I did think more carefully about my choices when I did. I made time for fun and recreation, too.

During 2013, I can choose to work around my variable schedules. I’ve done well enough to manage the basics this year — now I need to add in other activities. On some days, I need to focus more on my sleep, my marriage, and my children when the work day is over. Other days I’ll have more time to add in gentle movement. On days off, I shouldn’t waste my time sitting around being lazy. I will be more mindful of how I’m spending my time. And if I feel like sitting around being lazy, I’ll take that as my cue for a nap. I don’t need to stare at a screen when my body craves closed eyelids.

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#Cultivate2012 Path

Path: Some times the best path chooses you. — Patrick Rhone What path chose you this year?

Cultivate chose me. The call to cultivate my life into something worth loving, to feel like I’m thriving, beckoned me. I was frustrated with the status quo of my circumstances and situation. I lived my life with regret, depression, resentment, anger, anxiety, and tension. My health and relationships degraded. I needed to stop living with that negativity and start focusing on my health and well-being. I needed to listen to the signs and symptoms my body was presenting. I needed to focus on my relationships and dreams. I felt broken and alone — I lived in a house with six other people, but I still felt loneliness.

I may not have made any head way with my business ideas, but I’ve realized I’m very fortunate regardless. I found that I have enough within myself to clear this untrodden path. It’s taken a lot of time — and will continue to take time — to hack down the brush and carve my way to my destiny. Yet, I’ve come to terms with this fact and have made peace with the process of this journey. My path has brought me the foresight to enjoy the process instead of stressing about the length of my journey. I’m cultivating my life worth loving one day at a time, and I’m going to take each day as they come.

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#Cultivate2012 Reflection

Reflection: What did you set out to accomplish this year? What have you done to cultivate your goals and your life? Did your intentions manifest during the year?

Last December I began cultivating an idea for my own project and prompts — a project dedicated to cultivating happiness, sense of self, healthy relationships, and realized dreams. I named it Cultivate 2012, and I set out to make my life one worth living. Later in the year I revised my premise to a life worth loving instead. Along the way I wanted to move out of my in-laws’ house and into a space of our own. April 1st gave us the gift of a renewed sense of hope in the form of just that — our coveted home.

This year has been marred by ill health, depression, and anxiety. Through self-experimentation, I discovered that I’m gluten intolerant. I’ve made very big lifestyle changes to accommodate my body’s needs — and got a welcomed surprise on the scale. August brought us a vehicular break down, leaving us to depend on the kindness of others. That kindness of others forged bonds between my family and some of the members of our community. I grew attached to my community and felt at home.

Autumn has transformed me. I practice writing daily lists of gratitude, acknowledgments, and happiness. This practice increased my feelings of contentment and peace. My ambitions felt renewed, and I’ve followed through with my plans to write a prompt series for December. Here we are on December 1st with a list of 31 prompts. While I recall expecting life to make a dramatic 180 on January 1st, I can tell you that my intentions have more than manifested during the last 335 days. I found a place that fit our needs and budgets and signed on the line. I formed routines that bring me a sense of loving the life I’m living. It’s not perfect — nor will it ever be. However, I’m cultivating that life worth loving, and I’m going to continue to cultivate my life.

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November #Cultivate2012

As I write this, I’ve finished all but two prompts for the December Cultivate 2012 prompt series. The series will cover ourselves, our relationships, our communities, our dreams, and our intentions for 2013. I have written the prompts so as to encourage and foster my aspirations, but I see room for others to benefit from the prompts as well — and that’s been my hope all along. I want other people to cultivate themselves and their lives as well because I desire to see others feel happiness. The world is a brighter place when we’re smiling at each other, encouraging each other, and coexisting peacefully. I’d like to see others nurture their relationships, communities, and dreams. We all need people to give us love and support. We need to build and cultivate our communities to see continued growth and progress. We especially need to believe in our dreams and take steps to living our dreams. Dreams are what keep us moving, in my humble opinion. I welcome everyone who reads this to join me on a journey to living a life worth loving.

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