May’s Reverb 11 Prompt

If you participated in Reverb 10 during December of last year, are any of the things you wanted to manifest in 2011 revealing themselves?

Write your response—privately or publicly. Tumblr it. Take a photo and post on Flickr with the tag “reverb11.” Draw it out. The prompt is yours to flip it on its head, answer it as-is or make up your own prompt.

Cali Harris of Caligater fame inspired me to dive deeper into my reflections, which lead to reviewing several reverb posts, answering questions, and noticing patterns. Last night, armed with a bright green pen and my trusty notebook, I jotted down my thoughts as I sat with my thoughts and creativity. Here’s what I uncovered:

I had wanted to manifest a life worth living. I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to take better care of myself and my family. I wanted to stop dreaming and start doing. Well, that’s a lie — I’ll still dream, but the point stands that one must do in order to achieve. Thus far, I’ve made time to walk, dance, practice yoga, and attempt to tone and strengthen my muscles. I haven’t answered to a boss, but that’s mainly due to my continued unemployment. This does not translate to being a successful entrepreneur, and I’ve spent much more time in quadrants 1, 3, and 4 in the importance/ urgency matrix. By the time I’ve finished with everything that’s urgent, I’m left with little energy to do much more than escape to trivial activities. In my response to the February prompt, I asked where this year is going. Gretchen Rubin’s observation that the days are long but the years are short has rung all too true for me during the first five months of 2011. I need to make more time to follow my dreams, or I need to make peace with the status quo. There is no excuse for sitting in a puddle of unhappiness day after day.

But where would I like to go? I asked this both literally and figuratively back in March. Literally, I’ve begun to appreciate the area we have moved to. I bore witness to the beautiful snow-covered mountains and the flowering trees. So, I decided to search around and see what the houses around here look like. I stumbled onto this “unusual find” and realized the dream could in fact be had here. I’ve also become enamored with the locals and their ties to an era of which my ancestors missed prior to immigrating. Alternatively, I’ve discovered that this area — like any — has its own issues and flaws. Politics inflame the locals, and I imagine home-ownership would remove my sheltering from said issues at hand. Still, I simply want the house, the land, and the views that feed my body and soul so that I can live the dream. I haven’t stopped dreaming of New Hampshire just yet, but I have been challenged to review my reasons for dreaming about it. Given the current circumstances, I’m just more concerned with the next step and less with the end goal. Of course, it’s really all about the journey, NOT the destination anyway.

I still ask myself where life is taking me and what the future holds in store. I still ask myself daily if I’m doing the right thing. I’ve realized to an extent that current discomforts will fade into unpleasant memories. My gardening endeavors resulted in a few tomatoes and sugar snap peas getting planted — and so far I’ve only seen half the garden grow. It’s like an external manifestation about how I feel in life right now. I have several packets of seeds that may never know the soil’s richness, and only about half the seeds I’ve planted seem to be thriving. The harvest looks grim, which is to the advantage of the grocery store. I have identified several personal factors holding me back. Said factors lead me to drift through life, and I’m working to identify ways to overcome these obstacles.