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#Cultivate2012 Parents

Parents: Whether they’re still alive or long since passed, biological or adopted, our parents were the first people to teach us about relationships. How can you cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them? How can you reconcile your past with your present and future?

I haven’t always had the best relationships with my parents, but I think that translates into everyone’s pasts with parents to varying extents. I think the best way to approach it is to treat them as adults — to treat them with the same respect I’d expect and to remember that I’m an adult now as well. I’ve got my own family now, a job, bills to pay, and responsibilities. Unfortunately, a lot of times my obligations and responsibilities get in the way of communication with my parents — and that leaves me feeling inadequate.

I think the most prudent way to cultivate better relationships with my parents should be to schedule regular phone calls to keep in touch. I know what days are typically good mutually, so I might as well make a habit of calling them — instead of feeling awful at the end of day off because I didn’t get to call them. I know that they’d appreciate it, and I could involve my children in the phone call as well.

I’m also awful at budgeting to send anything. I need to quit that. I need to return the favor of sending gifts for birthdays. There’s got to be a small portion of our budget that I can save and use for them.

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#Cultivate2012 Appreciate

Appreciate: Cultivate isn’t about being in a constant state of happiness — it’s about practicing happiness, much like you’d practice a sport or musical instrument. How can you infuse more appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring you joy?

This year I’ve taken to writing daily lists of gratitude, acknowledgments, and happinesses. The simple act of writing these lists instantly improves my mood. To infuse my appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring me happiness, I might choose to site a daily person, place, and thing of the day. I could express my gratitude vocally to the people who bring me happiness more often. I could visit my favorite places more often and recommend them to others. I could organize and store my favorite things more often and more effectively to enjoy them more often and show my appreciation for what I have. I will continue my daily lists because they aide in the process of appreciation. I choose to cultivate appreciation in my life because the act of gratitude itself brings me happiness.

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#Cultivate2012 Avoidance

Avoidance: Some times it’s hard to face what needs to be accomplished. What did you avoid this year? How can you make peace with your fears, concerns, and distractions in order to face that one (or more!) thing(s)?

I think I avoided working on my business and my health a lot more than I should have. I know that I’m onto a great idea with my business, but I’m so scared of getting from here to success with my business. So many scenarios float in that canyon of unknowns. I could fail to meet certain goals and fall short of my budget. I could find that my great ideas don’t translate into the real world. I could fail — and I don’t want to fail. However, I know I can’t succeed if I never try.

I’ve also been avoiding making time to sleep, pack healthy food choices, exercise, read, and cultivate my mind and soul. I may have succeeded a bit, but I needed more of a life change. I’m onto an idea here with my December prompts, but I wish I had thought of these questions much, much sooner.

I think I can succeed in changing my life next year. I’m currently compiling quite a bit of information from myself that will facilitate growth and change. I’ll most definitely feel capable of facing my fears and living my life worth loving.

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#Cultivate2012 What Matters Now

What Matters Now: Cultivate is about living in the here and now. What matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters during 2013?

My family and my health matter the most right now. Without those, my life won’t be worth loving. I absolutely must focus my intentions on achieving better health and healing the bonds of my family.

I plan to make more family time in 2013. I want to have regular game nights, movie nights, picnics, and family outings. I want to clear some space in the budget to go out for ice cream on occasion. Obviously, I’ve already confessed my intentions to build a healthy, gentle movement routine. I’m going to remember that I want to succeed with my business because I want to focus on family and health.

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#Cultivate2012 Healing

Healing: The Cultivate project is all about healing yourself. How have you healed yourself, your relationships, and/ or your community this year? How would you like to heal these aspects next year?

This was an incredibly loaded, heavy prompt for me. I wrote this prompt knowing I’d need to answer it — but not realizing how deeply the subject of healing would stump me. Perhaps it’s because I so desperately feel the need to heal that I had such a difficult time facing these questions.

This year I healed myself by giving up gluten. I may not always notice any difference, but I notice the pain and discomfort I experience after accidental (or intentional) glutening. I moved out of my in-laws house, decreasing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression. I also breathe easier again. I don’t judge smokers unless they’re in a house with non-smokers, chain smoking a fog in the breathing space of others. I lost twenty pounds, which increased my self-esteem and decreased the size of my clothes. I initiated the Cultivate project, exploring myself from a different vantage point. I’ve made more time for my family and identified problems that we need to address moving forward. I smiled at nearly everyone in my community, serving as a beacon of hope — and hopefully inspiration.

Next year I’d like to continue this momentum. I’d like to further decrease my feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. I’d like to feed myself a healthier, cleaner, more whole menu (diet is so cliché). I’d like less sugar, less saturated and partially hydrogenated fats, less words I can’t pronounce, and less plastic. I’d like more fruits, vegetables, chicken, turkey, fish, potatoes, brown rice, olive oil, nuts, seeds, beans, and new foods I’ve never tried before. I’d like to feel stronger and more energetic. I’d like to feel well-rested and full of immunity. I’d like to strengthen my bonds with family and friends. I’d like to provide constructive input to help my community prosper. I’d like to become involved with initiatives to rebuild the dying, dilapidated areas. We deserve so much better than crumbling rubble. We deserve places to shop, eat, and visit. We deserve to have more to offer tourists and passers-by.

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#Cultivate2012 Health

Health: How did you treat your body this year? You only get this one vessel one time around. In what ways can you cultivate better health for your body next year?

Between giving up gluten and moving into my own space, I’d like to say I’ve treated my body with respect. Have I been great to my body? Absolutely not. I’ve neglected to practice gentle movements, such as walking and yoga. I’ve consumed far too much sugar, and I’m terrified that my upcoming dental x-rays in February may reflect that. I’m also far too sensitive to the effects of sugar to continue consuming it near daily. My blood work showed I might even have pre-diabetes.

Next year I think I”m going to give up unnecessary sugars for Lent. Unless it occurs naturally within the food I’m eating, I won’t add it or eat food made with processed sugars. I’m going to work on creating habits that get my blood flowing. I don’t care if I look better in my clothes — or out of them, for that matter. I simply care that I feel well and my body maintains good health. Too many times I feel the pressure to either lose weight or not lose weight — it depends on who I’m around. I just want to feel healthy for myself. My shape is my own, and I’ve actually started coming to terms with the “momma pouch.” That pouch reminds me that I need to be healthy for my children.

I think I’m also going to remind my doctor that I’m NOT too young to have my cholesterol checked. We checked my thyroid and discovered that it was not, in fact, causing me any troubles. If we check my cholesterol and discover that I do not have any hypercholesterolemia problems, at least I’ll feel at peace with my health. I’d really like to rule out anything serious so I can feel comfortable that I simply need more sleep, healthier food choices, and more exercise to feel better.

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#Cultivate2012 Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style

Foodie Friday — Cultivate Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us more enjoyment than others. Some foods leave us feeling less than ourselves. What foods nourished your soul and body this year? What food choices can you make in 2013 to cultivate more self-care?

This year I learned how to make do with rice and potatoes. I gave up gluten for Lent in February as an experiment to see if my body had a reaction to gluten. On Easter, I discovered without any doubts that gluten negatively affects my digestive health. It was bittersweet because I’ve always loved bread and pasta — but they didn’t love me back. Along with this lifestyle change, I lost 20 pounds. It’s hard to believe I’ve been carrying around that much bloat! While it sounds difficult or like a fad, I’m actually comfortable without gluten. I treat it the way a diabetic treats sugar, a person with high cholesterol treats saturated fats and cholesterol, and a hypertension patient treats salt. I treat it how a person with food allergies would treat their allergens. It’s not a “diet.” It’s a not a “trend” to me. It’s a better quality of life.

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#Cultivate2012 Letting Go

Letting Go: What do you need to let go of to cultivate your best life in 2013?

I need to let go of my fears to cultivate my best life in 2013. I’m staring across a large canyon, trying to determine how best to cross it. I can’t climb down into the abyss — not with a husband and three kids counting on me. I can’t leap across — I don’t know if I’ll make it or fall down on the jagged rocks below. I don’t know if I have the resources and means to bridge that gap. I need to explore my options — but more importantly, I need to overcome my fears.

I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid that no one will want to pay me for a grammar workshop or eCourse. I’m afraid no one wants an English tutor or consultant. I’m afraid that I’m going to be stuck working for someone else’s vision for the rest of my life. I’m afraid I’m not good enough to make a life worth loving. But most of all, I’m afraid that my fears will stop me from realizing my dreams.

I’m letting go of those fears right now. I know I can cultivate the resources necessary, and I know I can find creative ways to cross this huge canyon. I can realize my dreams and spit squarely in the face of fear.

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#Cultivate2012 Lesson

Lesson: We may have started this year with the best of intentions, but plans may have gone awry. What lesson really jumped out at you this year? How can you cultivate that lesson going forward?

My biggest, most challenging lesson to learn this year was relinquishing control to the unknowns. Life happens, and sometimes we can’t prepare for these unexpected variables. We can try to be ready, but we can’t control life. When I began to let go of my need for control, I started to feel lighter and more ready to face my days.

Now, I’m stubborn. I form habits and tend to fall back into old habits easily. Cultivating a lifestyle of less control will continue to be a challenge going forward. My father-in-law once told a former therapist that I “control the way the world spins.” I think he meant to say I feel the need to control the way the world spins, and he’s actually made a fairly accurate observation of my control-freak nature. When things don’t go just right, I get grouchy. I’ve had to really stop, remind myself that other human beings and animals have wills of their own, and take a deep breath. Mechanical features fail with or without warning. Other people’s choices may touch my own life. Considering I’ve done well to cultivate gratitude and happiness by listing my daily gratitudes, acknowledgments, and happinesses, I’m sure I could practice releasing my need for control over too many aspects of life.

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#Cultivate2012 Reframing

Reframing: How are you framing yourself, your relationships, your community, and your dreams? Could you reframe these as we enter 2013?

I’ve been working on the frames I assign to myself and the various facets of my life. Most days I frame myself as a capable woman who’s resourceful enough to make life work. Other days, my frame darkens and reflects a very miserable individual stuck in a deep, dark chasm.

I’ve framed my relationships as broken and dysfunctional. Instead of viewing them as such, I might reframe them as works in progress or in need of TLC. If something seems broken or dysfunctional, it should be fixed and given better functioning.

I viewed my community as a back-water, middle-of-nowhere location until this summer. I began reframing it as a cozy, quiet rural community that’s close enough to Chattanooga for my urban needs. I’ve also noticed areas in our county that need some life injected back into them. I’ve been inspired by a local philanthropist who’s breathed new life into downtown Lafayette and built a classy restaurant, an adorable tavern, and renovated the historic Mars Theater.

So during 2013, I’m going to frame everything as needing cultivation. Cultivating is an ongoing process that always leaves room to nurture bonds and growth.

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