Well, life has been handing me more lemons than I can handle these days. I’ve contemplated where I was 10 years ago, struggling in my final semester as a pre-vet student, knowing full well I would be switching my major if my efforts didn’t succeed. Of course, I didn’t, and I changed my major to English. I’ve thought about where I was 5 years ago, desperately trying to find another job, hoping I could make a living as a tutor and English consultant. Once again, things didn’t work out there, we moved to Georgia, and I discovered that the job market had no room for overqualified candidates like myself. I also discovered that building an online business takes much more effort than I have put forth.
This leads me to question where I’m going with my life and how I can create the lifestyle I would like to live — and give to my family. I’ve considered going back to school, but I don’t know what I would pursue. I could become certified to teacher at the K-12 level, but I don’t know that I would feel able to teach (all that common-core nonsense). I could pursue a Masters or PhD in English. However, I feel like a Masters would leave me in the same boat I’m sinking in right now, and a PhD would pretty much be the only way to go. I would become a professor with a PhD and have more freedom than in a K-12 setting, but I’m still not sure that’s what I’d like to do. I’ve toyed with trying to go back to school to be a vet tech or — dare I say it — veterinarian. Of course, I feel like an idiot to even consider that field again. Beyond those ideas, I really don’t see how going back to school and likely accumulating more debt will further my cause at this point.
I’ve thought about finding a better job. I’ve become less secretive about my occupation in retail, and I’ve spent the last four years learning that retail management is definitely not for me. I’ve been told that I don’t have a “real” job, and that stings. I think what hurts the most, though, is that I work hard for just barely enough to scrape by. However, I live in an area that boasts a carpet mill and an appliance factory — laborious jobs that pay just a little more than my current job that will decrease my quality of life and further my bitterness regarding my educational status. We are a one vehicle household, which really deters me from commuting too far. I feel as though I have to move to find a better job, but I really don’t know where to move to find that better job.
This brings me to my business. It’s failed. I tried, but I didn’t try hard enough. I still put forth more effort into the traditional brick-and-mortar workplace than I do work-from-home and freelance jobs. I don’t market myself. I don’t showcase my talents and skills. I subscribe to entrepreneurs’ newsletters, but I don’t really apply the material. It’s time to stop daydreaming and pretending and start doing. But I’ve hit a point where I don’t really know what I’d like to offer anymore. Perhaps it’s the struggles I’ve been through, but my passion for proofreading and unraveling grammar for others just isn’t there anymore. Whether I can relight that flame or find another passion that can translate to a digital workplace, I’m not sure. This is where I’m at, and I’ll be trying to find my way over the coming months.
