#Reverb13: Auto-Pilot

Living life on auto-pilot can feel disorienting and dull. How did you cultivate a life worth loving during 2013? How can you turn off your auto-pilot button in 2014?

My life this year has felt like a daily wash-rinse-repeat routine. Wake up. Get out of bed. Be a responsible adult. Go to bed. Repeat. Between battling a state agency and near-crippling depression (as a direct result of the former), everyday felt nearly the same. On the outside I tried to display my typical exuberance — but on the inside, I felt soul-less and defeated. While on one hand taking each day in smaller, more manageable parts has helped, I’ve also felt less optimistic and less spontaneous. I did my best to force some moments of spontaneity into my life, but those moments were based on my inability to plan ahead without fear of outside interference crushing even the simplest of plans. Because I’ve felt so constricted, I’ve begun feeling less and less like even putting forth the effort to plan ahead or be capricious. I’ve drifted through most of my days this year, feeling like my life’s just a blur at this point.

Next year, I need to rejuvenate myself so that I can take hold of moments that inspire spur-of-the-moments excursions. I need to impress upon that state agency that my family has the constitutional right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness — and I shouldn’t have to have a details agenda prepared for them to suit their needs. Once I successfully beat this state agency, I’m going to redistribute that energy into more cultivation of a life worth loving. I’m going to go back to planning fun family outings that promote bonding and relaxation.