#MondayMeditations The Crossroads of Change

There comes a point in life — usually more than once — when you’re faced with inevitable changes that must occur for the sake of growth and staying in the same old rut. That rut is known and somehow comforting, even if it’s not a comfortable place to be. It’s just comfortable knowing what to expect from day to day. But that tired routine of stagnation isn’t healthy or fulfilling. Change has to happen. But of course, the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure all come into play. Doubting one’s self leads to a lot of second-guessing and procrastination. There are so many opportunities waiting to be grasped firmly and confidently — so why then is it that we (or more specifically I) are squandering these opportunities? What’s holding us back?

I’ve been questioning myself and second-guessing myself a lot, lately. I’ve got so many ideas in my head, but it seems I’m just leaving them as unfinished projects in my spiral notebooks. When it came to school and comes to work, I see my projects through to the end — why can’t I translate that into my own personal pursuits? What prevents any of us from achieving the same sort of greatness that only a handful actually obtain? Why do we allow barriers to block us from our dreams and goals? We should surpass these obstacles. We should channel our strength and live our dreams. Blame it on my recent affinity for the lunar phases, but I’ve been very philosophical and introspective as of late. I’ve practically torn through everything in my life, scattering everything on the floor, searching for the answer, and now I’m trying to put everything back together in the right order — trying to find a new balancing point. The problem: I don’t know where I’d personally like to start. Add some more blame to the increasing number of candles on my birthday cakes — I’m a little over a year away from entering my 30s, and I’d certainly like to see my efforts blossom into something worth bragging about at the next high school reunion. It sounds silly, I know, but somehow I think we all get stuck in the mindset that we need to measure up to standards set forth by someone else at a set period of time. Maybe that’s where the problem lies.

Maybe it’s time to stop using someone else’s measuring stick. Maybe it’s time to evaluate myself — ourselves — based on our own standards. Maybe it’s time to be gentler with those standards, to be kinder to ourselves. Maybe it’s time to wake up from the day-to-day and embrace change as a necessity to growth and progress. Maybe we need to face our fears and step forward, telling those fears that we will not be controlled any longer. Maybe it’s time to face our problems and change them. Maybe instead of second-guessing myself, I should have more confidence in knowing that I’ve made it this far and have a fully capable head on my shoulders. Maybe it’s time to stop rehashing the same old story and start rewriting it.