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#Cultivate2012 Pay It Forward

Pay It Forward: Some days someone comes along to help us during a time of need. Some times we get the honor of bestowing that gift to someone else. Who paid it forward for you? Who did you pay it forward for? How can you pay in forward in 2013?

A good family friend really paid it forward for us this August. She gave me several rides to and from work when our van was in the shop. Those rides meant the difference between our financial life or death — I don’t know that I could have maintained employment if she hadn’t been one of the biggest helpers. She really paid it forward, and she deserves an award.

I didn’t necessarily pay it forward to anyone this year — my husband helped a family on the side of the road and a friend in need, but I don’t recall any situation in which I helped someone to such an extent. Next year, I hope I can say differently. I’d like to brighten someone else’s day by taking a great burden off their shoulders. It feels so warm and comforting when someone else does that for me and my family.

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#Cultivate2012 Community

Community: (Because I still love Cali Harris’ prompt from 2010!) Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2012? What community would you like to join, create, or more deeply connect with in 2013?

This year I went deeper into the community of Lafayette, GA. Specifically, I’ve found community within the boundaries of my workplace. I work at the largest retailer in this town, so I socialize with quite a few regular shoppers and co-workers. Everyone’s so friendly and eager to hear about how life’s going for me. I feel like an accepted and welcomed member of the community. I discovered that several people here also enjoy anime, and I love that I was able to find other like-minded individuals.

In 2013, I’d like to find more community through Cultivate. I’d like to hand the mic over to others to share their experience of cultivating a life worth loving. I’d like to cultivate community through my tutoring and editing services. I’d like to build a community of clients who enjoy my unique teaching style. I might even want to cultivate community in the local school district. I’m considering becoming an English teacher, so we’ll see what the future holds for me.

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#Cultivate2012 Local Love

Local Love: Supporting local business cultivates your community. Tell us about a local business you discovered this year. What makes them stand out from the crowd?

I can’t pick between two great places — The Terminal Brewhouse in downtown Chattanooga and Dari Dip in downtown La Fayette, GA. Both were delicious finds this year. The Terminal is across the street from the Chattanooga Choo Choo, they brew their own beers and root beer, and they serve locally grown and raised food, including bison burgers. They’ve got a few good gluten free items on their menu, and they serve something called “Chuck Norris slaw.” No, it doesn’t roundhouse kick you in the mouth, but it’s got just the right hint of delightful spiciness to it. Their root beer is some of the tastiest root beer I’ve ever drank. My husband can attest that their beers are delicious — I never acquired the taste for beer, nor do I plan to.

The Dari Dip (pronounced “Dairy”) serves good Southern cooking, although we haven’t tried their meals yet. We’ve been too busy sampling their ice cream the past two times we’ve visited (the only two times we’ve visited, actually). The offer soft-serve, scoops, cups, cones, waffle cones, shakes, malts, smoothies, floats, and even banana splits. They’re a great little throwback hidden in Northwest Georgia.

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#Cultivate2012 Clients

Clients: Perhaps they’re customers. Perhaps they’re patients. Perhaps they’re clients. No matter what you call them, they are the reason you receive a paycheck. How are you nurturing the people who give you (or your employer) the money to support you? Are you cultivating a warm, welcoming environment for your clients?

Since I’ve only got one tutoring client at the moment, I mostly interact with customers at my job. I’m quite certain I cultivate great working relationships with my client and customers.

My tutoring client used to travel about two hours one way to utilize my sliding scale fees. When he moved to attend grad school, I offered to continue tutoring using Internet applications. I grandfathered him in at the reduced rates and gave him reduced rates for proofreading and consulting. It’s been a very rewarding experience, and I’m glad I can still offer him great tutoring services despite the distance.

When it comes to customers, I have a very important rule — how would I like to be treated? This rule defines my demeanor at work. I smile at everyone and chat with them to the point that I’ve been accused of flirting with customers. This is a half truth — some definitions of flirting include being friendly with customers so as to entice them to spend their money. If you assume that definition, then I’m absolutely a flirtatious little vixen. If you think of it as a sexual thing, I’m absolutely not trying to send the wrong signals — sorry, not interested, my dears! 😉

All in all, I feel I cultivate a warm, welcoming atmosphere for clients and customers. I love seeing others smile back at me, hearing compliments about my smile and cheerful attitude, and engaging in conversations that build rapport with those who make my income possible.

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#Cultivate2012 Co-workers

Co-workers: Unless you run your own business by yourself or stay at home, chances are you interact with co-workers on a regular basis. How are you cultivating camaraderie in the work place? What can you do to support your co-workers?

When I’m at work, I tend to smile at everyone. I stop and ask how co-workers are doing, and I know that usually helps them feel better. They smile back and engage in quick conversations with me. I’d like to say I’m incredibly good at building camaraderie because everyone comments on how much I smile. I talk with co-workers about work, life, and family as we’re completing our tasks for the day. I engage in playful banter — my immediate co-workers like to joke around and be lighthearted. I appreciate that, and I encourage it.

At this point, I think I’m doing a great job supporting my co-workers and fostering a sense of camaraderie in the workplace. I want to continue to show my smile and be friendly. I want my good attitude to be an example. I want my co-workers to follow my lead, no matter how stressful life might be. We all go through rough times, but maintaining a pleasant attitude makes it easier.

I’d like to help co-workers experiencing difficulties more. Finances seem more stable, and I would like to contribute when we have dinners to support co-workers in need or are collecting funds for those experiencing hardship. They did it for me when our van broke down, and it helped so much. I’d like to pass that feeling on.

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#Cultivate2012 Friends

Friends: We need people who nurture us. Friends provide care, support, encouragement, and enjoyment. Are you treating your friends in a nurturing, supportive manner? How can you cultivate the friendships you hold dear?

I’ve got a lot of people who I interact with regularly, but I feel like I’m not cultivating friendships with the people I find good friendships with. I miss old friends and wish I could communicate with them more often. Obviously, I need to work hard on cultivating my friendships.

I’d like to start emailing old friends. Just because we’re friends on Facebook doesn’t mean we’re communicating. I really need to take the time to initiate email conversation. I’d also like to email some of my newer friends who I’ve met through this process more often. I’d like to cultivate my friendships with these strong, independent women. Empowered women help me feel empowered.

Finally, I’ve got friends locally that I’d like to spend more time with. I’d like to form stronger bonds by reaching out and communicating more. I haven’t been out with a friend since we lived in Gainesville. This is not what I’d call thriving — I need to at least have a few people I can socialize with. I may not feel social all the time, but I crave friendship. It builds my self-esteem and gives me an outlet for that side of my myself.

I hope to cultivate stronger bonds with my friends in the new year.

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#Cultivate2012 Children

Children: Perhaps you’re a parent. Perhaps you’re an aunt or uncle. Perhaps you just associate with people who have kids of their own. Regardless of how you’re related, the way we interact with the children in our lives makes a significant impact on their lives. Are you setting a good example? How can you nurture the next generation?

[When I wrote this prompt back in October, I never would have imagined that events that took place yesterday would align so painfully with this prompt. However, I’ve chosen to keep this prompt for today. Now more than ever we need to evaluate our relationships with children, whether they are our own babies or someone else’s babies. We were all children once, and we shouldn’t ever forget that. No one should ever do what that man did yesterday, and yet he selfishly stole the lives of young innocents. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.]

As a mother of three, I’m entrusted to raise three respectable members of society. I try to instill good manners in them — saying please, thank you, excuse me, etc. I’d like to think that I’m setting a good example for them by treating others with respect. There are some days when I feel like a horrible example, but I know we all have our moments. Sometimes others eat at our nerves until we can’t maintain a smile and a pleasant attitude anymore. (I’m sure we all know those moments when that guy cuts us off when we’re already doing the speed limit on a bad day, and we may let a choice word slip… 😉 )

I also wish I was more mentally present for my children. On my days off, I feel more like I’m just being lazy and too solitary. Of course, my line of work has the tendency to use up my sociability. Still, I need to take steps to nurture my little ones more. I need to be more present. I need to sit down and play games with them. It isn’t enough to simply be physically present and provide for their basic needs. I need to engage them more than the usual, “oh, okay,” “uh-huh,” and the like. We need more interaction, especially on my part. I’ve been feeling very inadequate as a mother because I don’t feel like the quality of time I spend with them measures up. I want to see them smile, hear them giggle, watch them play happily, and share moments and memories. Those moments don’t feel like enough — but maybe I’m just being greedy. [Considering I wrote this response before receiving the news yesterday, I now feel even greedier because I’m sure those parents are wishing they could at least just have the crappy moments back — to simply be physically present in the same room. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that a monster would walk straight into a classroom and open fire…] Still, I want to live my life knowing I expressed my love and care for them, knowing I nurtured them to the best of my ability. I won’t get much more time with them in the grand scheme of things.

[I went forward with today’s prompt in spite of yesterday’s events. Instead of looking away from that tragedy and feeling ashamed to have this prompt aligned this way with the news, I’m choosing to embrace this prompt even more today — to embrace the future generation even more, and to comfort them a little more.]

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#Cultivate2012 Significant Others

Significant Others: When we choose to become romantically involved with someone, we’re opening ourselves to a very deep relationship. How can you nurture a healthy, loving relationship with your partner? If you’re not romantically involved with someone, you may choose to evaluate former relationships to identify ways in which you’d like to nurture future relationships.

My husband and I met nearly 12 years ago online, and we originally only had that medium and the phone to communicate and build our bond. We’ve been married for over 10 years now. We’ve had ups and downs just like any couple. After all this time and three children, life can get routine and stressful. We don’t really spend much quality time together. We may get a few minutes to have adult conversations after the kids go to bed, but it’s either couple time or sleep — or cleaning, reading, etc.

I think next year I want to schedule more time together. WE used to play cards together and watch anime. Maybe we could have a night a week where we watch an anime and play cards, sit and watch a movie, go out, or just sit and talk. Our presence in the relationship is nice, but I think we need to participate as a couple more often. We need a strong bond to face several life events and changes as a pair. Parents will pass, children will grow up and start their own families, and we’ll be alone before we know it. It’s best to have shared interests so we can grow together.

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#Cultivate2012 Parents

Parents: Whether they’re still alive or long since passed, biological or adopted, our parents were the first people to teach us about relationships. How can you cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them? How can you reconcile your past with your present and future?

I haven’t always had the best relationships with my parents, but I think that translates into everyone’s pasts with parents to varying extents. I think the best way to approach it is to treat them as adults — to treat them with the same respect I’d expect and to remember that I’m an adult now as well. I’ve got my own family now, a job, bills to pay, and responsibilities. Unfortunately, a lot of times my obligations and responsibilities get in the way of communication with my parents — and that leaves me feeling inadequate.

I think the most prudent way to cultivate better relationships with my parents should be to schedule regular phone calls to keep in touch. I know what days are typically good mutually, so I might as well make a habit of calling them — instead of feeling awful at the end of day off because I didn’t get to call them. I know that they’d appreciate it, and I could involve my children in the phone call as well.

I’m also awful at budgeting to send anything. I need to quit that. I need to return the favor of sending gifts for birthdays. There’s got to be a small portion of our budget that I can save and use for them.

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#Cultivate2012 Appreciate

Appreciate: Cultivate isn’t about being in a constant state of happiness — it’s about practicing happiness, much like you’d practice a sport or musical instrument. How can you infuse more appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring you joy?

This year I’ve taken to writing daily lists of gratitude, acknowledgments, and happinesses. The simple act of writing these lists instantly improves my mood. To infuse my appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring me happiness, I might choose to site a daily person, place, and thing of the day. I could express my gratitude vocally to the people who bring me happiness more often. I could visit my favorite places more often and recommend them to others. I could organize and store my favorite things more often and more effectively to enjoy them more often and show my appreciation for what I have. I will continue my daily lists because they aide in the process of appreciation. I choose to cultivate appreciation in my life because the act of gratitude itself brings me happiness.

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