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#MondayMeditations Forging Forward

The draft I “saved” disappeared. It’s sort of funny in a cosmic sense — not very much has been going my way, and I’ve been charged with forging forward in spite of circumstances. During August we had a serious failure of our only vehicle, and it has been a miserable experience. Thankfully, things have worked out, and our vehicle will be fixed by the weekend. However, this situation helped me realize that I’ve got a wonderful community willing to support me through rough times, and it helped me realize that I can’t keep taking life day-by-day. In the past I used to think months and years ahead, but the past two years have taught me that life doesn’t always follow your plans. Yet somehow I need to adapt my plans for contingencies. There’s no more room for error. What I do today helps shape what happens tomorrow. If I spend the day laying around bemoaning my woes, tomorrow the woes will still be waiting for me. If I spend today brainstorming ways to lessen and negate the woes, tomorrow I’m that much closer to achieving my goals.

These challenges are merely a test of my will — and my will is still stronger than the tests. But when my strength begins to fade, I know that I have very kind-hearted people who can help rebuild that strength.

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#MondayMeditation Ebbs and Flows

Up until this month, the words seemed to just flow freely from my finger tips. Posts were plentiful. Then I set out to take leaps, and apparently I leapt straight into a brick wall.  Stunned silence took over, and thus the ebb began. Everything operates in cycles, though — or it seems that way. The seasonings are currently cycling out of winter and into spring in the northern hemisphere. Cherry blossoms began blooming down the road. The Carolina chickadees returned. Daylight lasts longer. I’m sure during the coming week or so we’ll see fresh, new leaves unfurling from the tree branches. The flow of life will commence, culminating in the summer and early autumn harvests.

However, I’m currently experiencing a writing ebb. My words may be fewer, but perhaps the flow of spring will inspire the amateur photographer in me.

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#MondayMeditations Dealing with Disappointment and Strife

Several thoughts to meditate upon crossed my mind this morning. Ultimately, it all pointed back to a main theme — dealing with disappointment and strife. Yet this was not what I had envisioned for 2012. I had envisioned growth, change, and cultivation. I had envisioned living the dream and really living — not just surviving the day to day. Today’s need to decline an apartment essentially compounding everything that’s occurred in the past few days, and an overwhelming sensation of defeat and loneliness washed over me. Is Mercury in retrograde again or something?

I’ve actually sat here with this in draft format for a few hours now. I’ve been overcoming the initial disappointment and frustration that came with my back-step into the land of the unknown — the land of uncertainty. I know that something will come along, but I want that something to come along right now. However, it serves as another reminder to take better care of myself and to cultivate the life I want to live.

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#MondayMeditations Manifestival Style

I’m so glad that Kirsten clued me into her collaborative project with Kathy because it’s been so deliciously perfect to pair with my Cultivate 2012 project. “Weeding and tilling of soil necessary to build from the foundations” — see what I mean? But whereas my project has been an open-ended check in sort of project, they have taken to running a full-on Manifestival over there. So many prompts and questions provoke my thoughts and begin spinning thousands of threads that all tie together. Last year I created another list of 101 goals for 1001 days, and these women have inspired me to sit down with those goals and mold them into a manifesto. Because I took a day to plan ahead and schedule publishings, I’ve got a whole week to be with myself and focus on goals, intentions, self-care, and cultivation. It’s time to take a big leap instead of tip-toeing around my ideas. (Look for the keyword “leap” later this week.)

It would seem I don’t have the space or resources to create a physical manifestation board, so I’m going to finally make us of my Pinterest account to pin together inspiration and motivation. I’ll need to sit down with my planner and my cell phone to schedule bed time, writing time, exercise time, and quiet time. On the days in which I squeeze those actions in, I feel refreshed and peaceful. Bed time is especially important. It may sound silly, but a well-rested body is a more functional body. I’m not ready to sacrifice my body to a sedentary retirement, and I don’t believe a sedentary retire is the dream for me, either. It’s also time to learn to love myself — no more negative self-talk. Look at what I’ve accomplished this month alone: I’ve started the Cultivate 2012 project and have grown a following. Instead of locking away my genius, telling myself it doesn’t exist, I’m embracing it and sharing it with the world. I’m inviting others to embark upon a journey to live our lives to the fullest, to care for ourselves in a loving and nurturing way, and to make time to cultivate those lives we want to live. Instead of living by my saying “some times stupid comes out of my mouth,” I’m choosing to to live by a new saying: “Some times I speak brilliance.” It’s not meant to be egotistical either — it’s meant as a confidence booster. We should all focus on boosting our self-confidence in order to cultivate ourselves and those lives we want to live, and I especially know that a good confidence boost makes life a lot brighter and happier. When I feel good about myself, I smile more. I share more. I love more. And that’s the kind of life I want to live — a life of love, laughter, and happiness.

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#MondayMeditation Soaking In the New Year

We’re already nine days into 2012 (two thousand twelve or twenty twelve?), and already I feel a greater peace with my life than I did this time last year. Perhaps that’s because last year I was just beginning my journey living under someone else’s roof. This year I’m anticipating a move very, very soon. We may not achieve our February 1st goal due to some very complicated reasons of which I will not explain in public, but we have definitely spent the majority of our time here at this point. Even if our plans get pushed back to, say, March 1st, we’ll still be alright. I’ve allowed myself to explore ideas to cultivate a life worth living (yes, I’m going to repeat this phrase over and over again throughout the year — brace yourselves!), as well as explore other projects that encourage readers to revel in themselves and their dreams. Incidentally, I’m much more pleasant when I’ve taken care of myself. I don’t do as well when all I’ve had to eat is junk and I’m dehydrated. I’ve known this for years, but somehow I always end up letting my needs fall to the back burner when I’m asked to do something else. In those cases, I carry resentment. Resentment turns into stress, headaches, migraines, back pain, and a weakened immune system — seriously not a good state of being for anyone. This is why I think we should all stop to cultivate ourselves. It’s a holistic approach to feeling better and performing better, and there shouldn’t be a sense of guilt or selfishness involved. After all, I end up feeling guilty when I feel resentful towards someone I care about just because I stopped to do something for them instead of eating breakfast or washing my face.

Today’s Cultivate 2012 actions were: eating chocolate cereal instead of snacking on cookies and fudge (note to self: unload the rest of the fudge on unsuspecting co-workers); completing crunches and yoga; meeting my water quota by 4PM; writing in green metallic ink; and spending a little extra time to plan a nice meal for Thursday night.

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[Monday Meditations] The Value of Time

Over the past few years I’ve become very conscious of time. I got a fortune cookie once that said: “Minutes are worth more than money. Spend them wisely.” I absolutely believe in spending my minutes wisely. I get rather annoyed when I feel that someone or something is wasting my time — it’s akin to stealing in my book. What’s worse is that you’re not stealing something I can replace. We can never get back time once we’ve spent it. This is why I value my time.

As I write this post today, I’m very aware that I have less than a hour before I want this to publish. I know I have about two and a half hours to finish my morning and go to work. In between thought processes, I’m working on other tasks to make the best use of my time. I see little point in staring blankly at the screen as my mind draws blanks. And at this very moment, I realize that no more words need to be written because my point has been made very clear…

Time is too precious to waste.

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[Monday Meditation] Letting Go of Guilt

I’ve found myself feeling very guilty that I haven’t written more than 932 words towards my NaNoWriMo project. Of course, I’m only writing it for myself at this point. I procrastinate because it’s in my dilatory nature. Yet I realize I shouldn’t feel guilty over this. When I came to this realization, I determined that I can let go of the guilt in other areas of my life. We all can. Guilt only serves to make us dwell upon bad decisions. It doesn’t necessarily help us move forward. If I’m too busy feeling guilty about my lack of writing or sweet indulgences, I’m not focusing on writing or eating better. As I’m working on disciplining myself better, I feel that it’s only fitting that I let go of the guilt. I need to have  more discipline with regards to making positive changes in my life and the world around me rather than dwelling on my faults and the wrongs I see.

So I’m letting go of the guilt. Yes, I had entirely too much cake for my birthday and the ensuing week. Yes, I haven’t upheld my commitment to write 1667 words per day during the month of November. Yes, I’ve ignored my plans to incorporate more exercises into my daily routines. Yes, I some times go a day without meeting my sixty-four ounces of water quota. Yes, I have been staying up a little later than I should be, forgoing my required eight hours. I’m remembering that I can choose to eat healthier the next time I feed myself. I know that tomorrow is another day — a day in which I’ll have an hour break at work, where I can write in peace and quiet. I’m making the choice to enforce more discipline within myself in order to live a healthier, balanced life. So what if I don’t reach my 50,000 word quota? This story is rather delicate, so I’m fine with taking more time to carefully think out the details. There’s no need for guilt.

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[Monday Meditations] On Weight and Overall Health

First of all, let me state that the Mindful Mondays series is officially over. I realized a couple days ago that I don’t discuss mindfulness on Mondays anymore — I’m meditating upon a subject that resonates with me. So from now on, I will be writing Monday Meditations.

Last week I pulled out the tape measure to see if nearly four weeks of working a labor-intensive job had any positive results for my weight loss endeavors. Sadly, it hasn’t. I may not be home sitting on my backside, I may be sore most days from physically exerting myself, but I’m not seeing any results whatsoever. I found that to be rather depressing considering I hoped my arduous efforts would have given me an advantage. And thus my mind began to turn over all the possibilities — is it the quality of my food or perhaps an underlying health problem? Being that I’m uninsured and basically unable to pursue the health problems, I’m evaluating my diet. What am I eating? Do I notice any negative consequences after consuming certain foods? Could I be intolerant of a particular type of food? Is it really just excess stress causing cortisol to keep my weight in homeostasis? I will be exploring these questions during the coming months in order to mindfully care for my overall health and well-being.

Mindfully speaking, I know we’re entering a time of year in which weight loss efforts are impeded by seasonal baked goods and holidays devoted to eating — you might think it’s all about commercialism, but I anticipate the holidays for the large spreads that I’ve become accustomed to. That being said, it seems silly to wait, but I’ve decided that February and March I will give up gluten to see how my body reacts. Then I will have Easter to evaluate how my body tolerates gluten-containing products. In the interim, I can mentally prepare myself to give up bread, pasta, and baked goods.

I have also decided that I’ve been involved at my job long enough to begin an exercise plan at home again. My body has mostly adjusted to my job. I can add a new activity each week until I feel I’ve gotten back into the exercise routines I started earlier this year. I’m going to add yoga back first because it’s low impact and reduces stress. To be totally honest, I’m really feeling inspired by Jasmine’s quest for total health. I want to feel energized. I want to feel calm and peaceful. Starting with diet and exercise just makes so much sense to me.

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