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#Reverb11: Beyond Avoidance

Beyond Avoidance (Written by Jake Nickell): What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

This year I was supposed to turn Electrate Editorials into a thriving business. I was going to be the best little English consultant I could be. I was going to tutor, write, edit, and discuss the finer points of grammar mechanics with clients. I was supposed to be turning this idea into a viable business venture that would negate the necessity of an out-of-home job. So why didn’t I make that happen? Why didn’t my dreams manifest as reality? Fear. Worry. Uncertainty. Preoccupation. Depression. Poverty. Distractions. Drama. A lot of things and emotions got in the way of success. I’ve been afraid that I’ll fail. I’ve worried that I wouldn’t be able to earn enough money to support my family. I wasn’t sure that anyone would be interested in my services. I became preoccupied with the mandatory job search that supplied my bank account with a steady source of income to pay my bills. I have — and still do — suffer from depression. How could you blame me? I spent 5.5 years and $42k on a degree that hasn’t amounted to much after being fired from a job for no real reason. I took a job that I’m overqualified for after struggling to get either a good job or a low-wage job for over a year. Really, it took me more than a year to find a job at all. Of course, this means we’ve basically been poor for a while. I wasn’t in a good income bracket before I lost my job, but this has been a difficult year and a half of scrimping, doing without, and feeling like the lousy relative that no one expects even a card from. It sucks.

Why haven’t even gotten to the distractions and drama, but we’re not going there. You’ve gotten quite a bit of intimate information out of me already, so I’m just going to have to tell you to trust me when I say things have been interesting for me. When it comes right down to it, I’ve avoided creating a better life because I’m still trained to believe that a better life comes from working hard for The Man. I want to shake that silly notion straight into the dumpster where it belongs. However, for the moment I realize my day job needs to fund my dream job. So I trudge on, still avoiding that which I desire. I neglect my need to create. I neglect my nerd to spread my knowledge. I neglect my need to change lives. But that stops now.

Starting next year, I’m going to create. I’m going to get nerdy. I’m going to make money. This can’t be all there is to life, and I’m not going to keep settling for less than I deserve. Next year, I’m going to start changing lives, starting with my own first.

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#Reverb11: Healing

Healing (Written by Leoni Allan): What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2012?

As I admitted yesterday, this year I’ve been a mess. Not much healing occurred this year as there were continued blows absorbed. However, the joy of experiencing four seasons brought a certain level of peace to my heart. Experiencing the awakening of the trees, flowers, and animals during spring healed my heart. Watching the leaves change colors this fall healed my heart. Seeing the morning frost on the grass and plants has healed my heart. Slowly but surely I’ve realized that life has led me to a very lovely place, and I need only to draw inspiration from my surroundings to find the courage to persevere.

I’m hoping 2012 brings healing in many forms. Most of all, though, I want to be healed in a place of my own. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been manifesting home vibes all over Reverb 11. This is what I want to manifest most of all. Even if all my other dreams must wait until 2013, I’d end 2012 happily knowing I’m once again operating as an autonomous individual, forging her own path to care for herself and her family. May 2012 bring the healing we all so desperately need.

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#Reverb11: Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned (Written by Tara Weaver): What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I crumble under extreme pressure. My foundation cracked this year, and it’s been an incredibly rough ride. Nearly all of my hot buttons were slammed — we’re talking someone sitting at a control board, bashing their fist against all the buttons. My constitution was already weak and fragile given my life’s circumstances, so it wasn’t very hard to fall into that pit of despair. I’ve seen rays of sunshine in the way of wonderful people and some good luck, though, which helped reseal some of those cracks. But without getting into the dirty, intimate truth, I basically fell apart this year — a lesson in and of itself.

Going forward, I’m applying this lesson as a reminder that I’m fallible and require proper care in order to thrive. I must take extra special care of myself to prevent such a thing from happening again. When life gets tough, I must be even stronger in my efforts to nurture my soul. I must maintain my health and composure. I must work to identify my triggers and discipline myself to reaction in a different manner. And above all us, I must always trust my intuition.

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#Reverb11: Appreciate

Appreciate (Written by Victoria Klein): What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I apologize. This is late, or at least by my standards it is. I just couldn’t figure out what one thing I’ve come to appreciate most this year, let alone how I express gratitude for it. I came up with two things I appreciate all the more now: health and autonomy. Why do I appreciate these so much more than I did before 2011? 1. I was fairly healthy before, or as healthy as an anxious asthmatic can be. This past year I’ve been sick more times than I can count, and I’ve suffered from some serious conditions as well. When you don’t have insurance, though, it’s rather difficult to handle all that ails you. 2. I had been an autonomous individual for 8 years before moving into someone else’s house. Sharing a kitchen? Did you just see me physically cringe on my end of the Internet? I make no effort to hide my foodie side around here — and I feel like I’ve been paraphrasing that over and over during this year’s Reverb. Of all the concessions I’ve made, keeping the majority of my kitchen items boxed up in a garage has been one of the worst.

Now that we’ve covered how much more I appreciate my health and my autonomy, how do I even begin to decipher ways in which I’ve shown gratitude for those precious things this year? How can you express gratitude for something you lack? I’m truly at a loss. Planning to bring these qualities back into my life hardly seems like a way to express gratitude for them. And when you live with a smoker, even a good health day becomes a bad health day. If I wake in the morning, refreshed, feeling well, and feeling happy, all I need to do is walk out of our side to the kitchen. I don’t even need to take a deep breath — a shallow breath is all it takes to incite a coughing fit for my sensitive lungs. I look back on the times when I was well, the home was my own, and the rules came from me (with a good helping of my husband’s agreement, of course). I look forward to the times when that will again be the case. But for now, I try to ignore the fact that my mind and body are both loudly screaming at me to remove myself and my family from this situation.

Because I can’t truly decipher a way in which I show gratitude for my lack of health and lack of autonomy, I promise each and everyone of you who’s read this that I will celebrate my autonomy on February 1st with a healthy dinner. I’ll serve up a fresh salad, whole grains, steamed veggies, and a lean protein choice. For dessert, we’ll dine on fresh fruit and cheese. I’ll go to bed early, and I’ll awake on Groundhog’s Day ready to determine when “spring” is coming, where spring really means the blossoming of better times.

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#Reverb11: Action

Action (Written by Scott Belsky):When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

My next step involves moving into a place of my own. I’m cramped, crowded, and cranky with this current living situation, and it’s not at all conducive to creative ventures. I feel less inclined to type a thoughtful, eloquent essay or piece when I can’t escape the tiny space I currently call home. I know there are people who welcome tinier spaces, and I respect their differences — it’s differences that make each of us wonderful individuals, after all. But I can’t tolerate the cramped space we occupy. If I hear the incessant laughter of SpongeBob, it instantaneously blocks my writing and dampens my creative spirits. (I’m sorry, but little yellow sponge doesn’t even belong on my sink, festering with all sorts of bacteria.)

My next step has to be moving out. Once I am able to unpack my belongings, settle into a place of my own, and set all the ground rules, I’ll be able to better focus on moving forward. Until then, I need to keep dedicating myself to purging our belongings, reorganizing, and beginning the process of packing unnecessary items. I must be vigilant for places that offer enough space for our whole family — furry little members included — for a reasonable rate, in a pleasant and safe location. My business has plenty of time to launch and thrive, but I need to find a wonderful place where I can feel empowered and energized in order to do so.

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#Reverb11: Wisdom

Wisdom (Written by Susannah Conway): What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

To be honest, I think taking my part time job was the wisest decision I’ve made this year. Of course, it was a decision I would have made sooner had something else come along sooner, but I knew I needed to get a steady form of income to take care of my family and to show to potential landlords. While I’d love to focus on my business solely, I know the fluctuating income isn’t going to pay bills or impress landlords. Of all the decisions I’ve made this year, I believe this was the wisest.

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#Reverb11: Foodie Friday, Reverb Style

Foodie Friday, Reverb Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us more enjoyment than others. Share your favorite food moment of 2011. Describe the food, where you got it, and/ or how you made it.

Here we go again: chocolate. Yes, I’m going to talk to you about chocolate again. Moreover, I’m going to talk about Chocolate Therapy Cafe again. What can I say — that chocolate cobbler was just the most amazing food find of 2011. I had decided that once I finished tutoring my student, my husband and I would split some chocolate cobbler and get some coffees. They call their half hot chocolate/ half coffee drink a “chocolate au lait,” and you can get different flavors added to it. Our server warmed up a portion of chocolate cobbler, topped it with fresh whipped cream and chocolate sauce, and brought it out to us. If you’ve ever had molten chocolate lava cakes, this trumps those. The flavor, texture, and warmth of the chocolate cobbler brings a big smile to my face. It makes me giddy like a child. It’s a particularly special dessert, though, and I only order it when my husband and I plan to split — even if he only plans to eat a bite or two.

I entered 2011 having no idea a cobbler didn’t need fruit, and now I’m going into 2012 wondering where chocolate cobbler had been all my life.

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#Reverb11: Travel

Travel (Inspired by Tara Hunt and Gwen Bell): Think of a place, trip, or event that really resonated with you. Tell us about it, how you felt, what you did, who you were with, etc.

Back in June we took a day trip to Chattanooga. We wanted to go to Publix (if you’ve shopped at a Publix, you understand why), and I had a gift card for Dairy Queen. It was the five of us: me, my husband, my older son, my 4-year-old daughter, and my younger son. At this point, the boys were still 8 and 1.5 years old respectively. It took us an hour to get there because we traveled that back roads, trying best to avoid I75. We did eventually have to contend with I75 and I24, but we mostly enjoyed the scenic route. This is going to sound silly, but all we got at Publix was orange blossom honey, mascarpone cheese, and maybe a couple of other little items. We enjoyed a nice dinner at Dairy Queen, which cost maybe $2 after I used the gift card — not a bad deal. The trip back home wasn’t exactly fun because the younger two kids got car sick. Way to handle a mostly free meal, huh? We’ve only been to Chattanooga just that one time mostly because we’re waiting on the kids to get stronger stomachs.

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#Reverb11: Follow Your Heart

Follow Your Heart (Inspired by Teresa Deak): Where will you follow your heart to in 2012?

At this present moment, my heart is screaming to find a home of my own. This year has been a difficult year. Think living with parents as a child is difficult? Try living on your own for 8 years, only to find yourself hitting near rock bottom, needing to move in with the parents. And I’m not talking about the parents you grew up with, the parents you know and can predict — I’m talking about the in-laws. My heart is telling me that I shouldn’t hide this. I’m following it right now, no need for boundaries. For all I know, someone could be landing on my post right now, nodding their head in agreement, understanding exactly where I come from. There’s no place like your own, especially when you’re used to making the rules. My heart is yearning and aching for February because that’s when we plan to move. I’m willing to make a few compromises to meet that goal, but I’m no longer willing to compromise with regards to having a kitchen of my own. Part of nurturing a growing family involves nourishing them with healthy, home-cooked meals. As you can tell by my Foodie Friday posts, I’m a very food-oriented individual. I follow food blogs in my Google reader because I enjoy looking at pictures of food and learning new recipes and techniques. And according to Klout, I’m pretty influential about food and food related topics. My current living situation hasn’t been very conducive to my foodie exploits, and I want to unpack my kitchen already.

So while my heart wants a lot next year, what it wants most of all is a place where I don’t have to even share walls with a neighbor anymore, let alone share a kitchen.

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#Reverb11: Path

Path (Inspired by Patrick Rhone): Patrick Rhone tweeted “some times the best path chooses you.” What path has chosen you?

Never in my life would I have imagined that I would be considering taking root in Georgia — ever. I thought happiness would be further north, in the portion of New Hampshire. I reluctantly moved here considering it a temporary move, a short stay until we got on our feet. I didn’t plan to walk this path, but it chose me. Rather than making a dash for I95 North, I’m slowly meandering down a barely worn dirt road. During this year in Northwest Georgia, I’ve fallen in love with how graceful the landscape appears during the changing seasons. While I doubt I’m going to get a decent amount of snowfall in the winters, I’ve also discovered that it isn’t just about my wants and needs — it’s about my kids, too. Do you have any idea how much my oldest would despise me if we moved somewhere that would fall below 30 for a couple of months a year? The temperature drops below 65, and he’s whining about the cold. (I’m actually quite convinced that he’ll move back to Florida when he grows up.)

There’s tons of land. The planting zone allows for all sorts of delicious plant-life to be grown — including majestic cherry blossoms. I’m close enough to the city of Chattanooga, and I’m fairly close to Atlanta. The people are friendly and offer Southern hospitality. I was looking for small town charm, mountainous landscapes, and sprawling farms, and the path led me here.

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