Only 35 Days Left

I am making it my mission to bring my family back together by Christmas. Actually, I’m really looking to get them all back in time for Christmas Eve. Every year, we traditionally put the Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving, sharing crackers, cheese, sliced pepperoni, popcorn, cookies, and hot chocolate while trimming the tree and listening to Christmas music. I make my “Thanksgiving Soup” with the leftover turkey carcass, and we either have that or leftovers for dinner. These last few years have been a little different due to my job in retail, but we’ve made due by planning around my schedule so we can all enjoy that family togetherness.

At the risk of my sweet little 11-year-old stumbling upon this post, I’m going to share what Santa’s got in store for Christmas this year. All three children have expressed an interest in tablets, so I’ve got 3 seven inch tablets stashed in layaway with covers to match each child’s personality — granted, I do need to change out a few because we have since gotten better options in stock. Santa’s also replacing those scooters from last year because the other three scooters from last year got tampered with by some naughty bullies. Santa’s also giving the family a Wii with Mario Kart to spend some quality time together, giggling and racing. As of right now, I have only paid the mandatory 10% down payment to open said layaway. Hopefully, the bonus will be good enough that I can pay off most of it — even if I have to squelch on a bill or two.

It’s odd, really. Me, talking about squelching on bills. I hate that sensation of irresponsibility that comes along with paying late, especially when it’s more than a month late. However, I’ve been making space in my life to take each day in its smaller, more manageable parts. That’s the only way I can continue to cultivate my life such that I don’t feel like I’m dying everyday. Of course, hearing my babies cry for their daddy and big brother to come home drives the knife deeper into my bleeding heart. Whenever I set foot inside the courtroom, I feel the lawyers and social workers twisting that knife a bit more. I wish these people could understand this pain I’m going through — this pain that my babies have endured for what feels like an eternity.

I will not stop fighting. I will not stop screaming. I will not stop campaigning. All I want for Christmas is my family back together, and I will die trying to put them back together if it is necessary.