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Cultivating Through Grief

Life has plowed full-speed ahead this year, and it’s all I can do to hold on for the ride. So much death and change has marred my 2013, and my heart has broken for my family several times over. At the onset of the year, I had grandiose plans to unveil courses, workshops, consultation and coaching packages, and a revised sliding scale tutoring fee schedule. I wanted to ring in my big three-oh in style. I wanted to celebrate my happy occasions with my family. Instead, I’ve found myself attempting to cultivate my life worth loving under very tense circumstances. I’ve opted to take time away from my job to focus on that which matters most — family. It’s all about my family — as individuals and as a unit. And at the moment, I feel like we’ve been set back quite a bit. We need time for grieving. For loving. For simply living. It may hurt now. It may feel like an unpleasant, discomforting state of being. Yet I know that we are all going to come out on the other side as a stronger family. Our strife will pave the way for stronger bonds and lots of love. Silly things like mortality and distance may mock us at the moment, but we will continue to cultivate thriving lives. I refuse to allow 2013 to break my spirit. I worked too hard for the last quarter of 2012 to prepare for 2013 — my determination to cultivate a lovely life for my family will only strengthen. I know that one day my children will be in their father’s shoes, and I want them to know that their parents were loving, caring individuals who did everything in their power to provide for them, teach them right from wrong, and instill good values in them. I want them to pass along the value of cultivating a life worth loving, even when life doesn’t feel worth loving. Life is always worth loving,

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#ThankfulThursday Happy #Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my U.S. readers! Today’s the set day in our country for which we sit down with family and friends over big meals to give thanks for all that we have. My family celebrated on Tuesday because I was scheduled to work today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still going to observe the tradition of thankfulness on this day celebrating gratitude. Here’s a list of all the things I’m thankful for this year:

  • We have our very own place to call our own, with our very own kitchen that we don’t have to share with anyone else.
  • I’m still employed and helping my family regain our financial foundation.
  • Our van still works and provides us the mobility to get from Point A to all our other points in life.
  • My children are more than spoiled by relatives — they have much to be thankful for (and to clean up).
  • We’re enjoying four seasons.
  • My community loves and supports us.

May your Thanksgiving (or ordinary Thankful Thursday) be a day of appreciation and gratitude!

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#MondayMeditations Manifestival Style

I’m so glad that Kirsten clued me into her collaborative project with Kathy because it’s been so deliciously perfect to pair with my Cultivate 2012 project. “Weeding and tilling of soil necessary to build from the foundations” — see what I mean? But whereas my project has been an open-ended check in sort of project, they have taken to running a full-on Manifestival over there. So many prompts and questions provoke my thoughts and begin spinning thousands of threads that all tie together. Last year I created another list of 101 goals for 1001 days, and these women have inspired me to sit down with those goals and mold them into a manifesto. Because I took a day to plan ahead and schedule publishings, I’ve got a whole week to be with myself and focus on goals, intentions, self-care, and cultivation. It’s time to take a big leap instead of tip-toeing around my ideas. (Look for the keyword “leap” later this week.)

It would seem I don’t have the space or resources to create a physical manifestation board, so I’m going to finally make us of my Pinterest account to pin together inspiration and motivation. I’ll need to sit down with my planner and my cell phone to schedule bed time, writing time, exercise time, and quiet time. On the days in which I squeeze those actions in, I feel refreshed and peaceful. Bed time is especially important. It may sound silly, but a well-rested body is a more functional body. I’m not ready to sacrifice my body to a sedentary retirement, and I don’t believe a sedentary retire is the dream for me, either. It’s also time to learn to love myself — no more negative self-talk. Look at what I’ve accomplished this month alone: I’ve started the Cultivate 2012 project and have grown a following. Instead of locking away my genius, telling myself it doesn’t exist, I’m embracing it and sharing it with the world. I’m inviting others to embark upon a journey to live our lives to the fullest, to care for ourselves in a loving and nurturing way, and to make time to cultivate those lives we want to live. Instead of living by my saying “some times stupid comes out of my mouth,” I’m choosing to to live by a new saying: “Some times I speak brilliance.” It’s not meant to be egotistical either — it’s meant as a confidence booster. We should all focus on boosting our self-confidence in order to cultivate ourselves and those lives we want to live, and I especially know that a good confidence boost makes life a lot brighter and happier. When I feel good about myself, I smile more. I share more. I love more. And that’s the kind of life I want to live — a life of love, laughter, and happiness.

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#MondayMeditation Soaking In the New Year

We’re already nine days into 2012 (two thousand twelve or twenty twelve?), and already I feel a greater peace with my life than I did this time last year. Perhaps that’s because last year I was just beginning my journey living under someone else’s roof. This year I’m anticipating a move very, very soon. We may not achieve our February 1st goal due to some very complicated reasons of which I will not explain in public, but we have definitely spent the majority of our time here at this point. Even if our plans get pushed back to, say, March 1st, we’ll still be alright. I’ve allowed myself to explore ideas to cultivate a life worth living (yes, I’m going to repeat this phrase over and over again throughout the year — brace yourselves!), as well as explore other projects that encourage readers to revel in themselves and their dreams. Incidentally, I’m much more pleasant when I’ve taken care of myself. I don’t do as well when all I’ve had to eat is junk and I’m dehydrated. I’ve known this for years, but somehow I always end up letting my needs fall to the back burner when I’m asked to do something else. In those cases, I carry resentment. Resentment turns into stress, headaches, migraines, back pain, and a weakened immune system — seriously not a good state of being for anyone. This is why I think we should all stop to cultivate ourselves. It’s a holistic approach to feeling better and performing better, and there shouldn’t be a sense of guilt or selfishness involved. After all, I end up feeling guilty when I feel resentful towards someone I care about just because I stopped to do something for them instead of eating breakfast or washing my face.

Today’s Cultivate 2012 actions were: eating chocolate cereal instead of snacking on cookies and fudge (note to self: unload the rest of the fudge on unsuspecting co-workers); completing crunches and yoga; meeting my water quota by 4PM; writing in green metallic ink; and spending a little extra time to plan a nice meal for Thursday night.

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#Reverb11: Photo

Photo (Written by Tracey Clark): Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

Well, this isn’t exactly a “good” picture of me, but I didn’t feel like I took “good” pictures this year. The battle of the bulge has been rather troublesome this year, but this picture captures my essence. My husband took this earlier this year when we were enjoying a meal of baked ziti, salad, and Italian bread at the table. That door is the door — the separation that maintains our privacy. On the surface, this picture shows that I’m a married mother who really doesn’t mind a messy baby. He was eating — you want me to aggravate him between bites to wipe up the drool and crumbs? There’s no shame in wearing your food well. If you want to go a little deeper, this picture shows you exactly who I am and who I strive to be. I’m the mother who values quality family time around the table — and a good meal. I want to enjoy as many of these moments as possible. I want to nourish my family with love, good food, and strong values. And most of all, I want to be able to dictate when and how often we enjoy these meals. Not some schedule. Not some work stashed in a brief case (or in my case, a messenger bag). Me. Strong-willed little me. They’re growing up so fast, and I want to experience it.

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