Author: Meredith

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I wish…

…I knew all the answers. I’m ready to settle down in life and have been for quite some time. I want to know what I need to do and where I need to be. I want to know when it will be time to have everything sorted out and why it’s taking so long. Most of all I want to know how I get everything sorted out. I wish the days of security were upon me. I wish I could give my kids the world. I wish I felt comfortable in my own skin. I wish I felt energetic and healthy. But wishing only gets you so far. Perhaps it’s time to start living and stop wishing.

This is what makes me feel lucky:

Somehow, no matter how dark and scary life seems, I always come out on the other side. Things always seem to work out and get better. I always worry that one day my luck will run out, but I treasure each time things work out, whether it be due to my own efforts or the saving graces of family and friends. When I count my blessings, I have many wonderful people to be thankful for — many wonderful people who make me feel lucky.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever…

…find my path to the lifestyle I’m dreaming of. Will I ever figure out how to create the lifestyle I want to live? Will I ever create courses and content that makes it possible for me to live my life on my own terms? I plug away at other options, though, feeling like I need backup plans and safety nets everywhere. I don’t want to fail and have nothing to fall back on because I have three little people who need me to provide for them. And so I toy with promotion at the breadwinner job. I toy with going back into the land of desks, Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm. I toy with going back to school. But really and truly, my heart wants to be home whenever it needs. Will I ever have it all figured out?