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#Reverb11: What Matters Now

What Matters Now (Inspired by Seth Godin): Think about the here and now. What matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters in during 2012?

Right now my family matters most to me. The kids are growing up much too quickly, and before long another 16 years will pass, leaving me with an empty nest. I don’t just aspire to greater things simply because that’s what people are supposed to do. I dream big because I want to provide something better for the kids. I want to enjoy my life, and I want to breed that same virtue into my children. It isn’t about traveling or making the most amount of money — it’s about being secure and growing roots. My health also matters a lot to me, and I doubt toiling for a mere pittance will nurture my health in any manner whatsoever. I’m quite aware of the fact that I’ve likely lived about one third of my life already, and I’m also fully aware of all the risks that coming with aging. In keeping with my love of family, I need to be in the best health in order to make my big dreams come true. Being healthy means doing things right now. There is no rewind button on life, after all.

During 2011, I’ve learned how to nurture what matters, and I’ve learned what doesn’t nurture what matters. In 2012, I’m going to try going without gluten for about seven week’s time (yes, I’ve selected my Lenten vows already). During that period I’m going to pay attention to my body, and I’m especially going to pay attention when I reintroduce gluten into my diet. I’ve had a suspicious for most of this year that perhaps my body’s losing its ability to tolerate my beloved pasta and bread, and it’s time to experiment for the sake of health. I’m also going to make sure that my time is balanced properly as I work towards my goal of becoming 100% self-employed. Family should come first always, and the best way to ensure family comes first is to become the boss. If I’m the boss, I choose the hours, I choose the location, and I choose when to drop everything else for my family.

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#Reverb11: Map

Map: Imagine a map existed, guiding you towards your dreams. Try to envision the route. How are you going to map out your dreams for 2012?

I’m picturing a map — but not just any ordinary map. I’m envisioning a map to my dreams. You see, I got lost somewhere during 2011, and I’m not quite sure where I should be going in order to achieve my dreams for 2012 and beyond. I simply know the destination, and I know I want to end 2012 as a full time freelancer. I know I want to make at least $45k in 2013, and I’m even thinking about shooting for $90k in 2014. But where are the points in between? What lodging resides along my path? What establishments will provide proper nourishment for my journey? This is why I created this prompt — because I’m trying to help myself, and perhaps some others, find the way to those dreams.

February is moving month. I don’t know when or where we’ll move to in February, but I do know that’s my set date to move into our own place. I have two options to ensure this plan comes to fruition (and I’m holding those cards flat against my chest). Upon making that step, I’ll have the solitude and relief to concentrate on my business’ weaknesses. I thrive when I have a quiet place to hide, write, think, and plan. Between March and December, everything’s a bit blurry, but I’ve come to realize that variables always present themselves along the way. In the realm of cartoons, anime, and video games, these variables manifest as enemies and lackeys that you need to battle. Luckily, my alter-ego carries a rather large, scary stick to do battle with.

Ultimately, I’ve realized that the near vicinity isn’t going to yield much business, so I know I have to focus my efforts on Internet advertising. I will still flier local areas for my tutoring services, but I’m taking some of the eggs out of that basket and dispersing them amongst my other baskets. I think I need to put more time and effort into my writing because I don’t need to wait around for clients or students to write — I simply need to listen to the muses and let the words flow. And perhaps I also need to sit down with paper and colored pencils to allow my mind to literally create a map to my dreams. Some times life’s problems can be solved with some old-fashioned coloring time.

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#Reverb11: Project

Project (Inspired by Gwen Bell): What project did you start this year? How did it go? What will you start next year?

This year I began an arduous process of bringing my business to a new area. I had already begun working on Electrate Editorials in 2010, but I basically had easy access to potential students and clients in Gainesville. Northwest Georgia has presented great challenges for me, particularly because my target audience is impoverished, undereducated, and generally kept in the dark. I’m astonished that so many people can still be illiterate in this day and age, but we have quite a few illiterate individuals in the area. About halfway through the year, I realized that I needed to offer sliding scale rates if I wanted to make a difference in this community — and get any business. I’m the only person in this area offering tutoring rates as low as $8 an hour at this point in time. Despite my best efforts, it would seem I need to focus on other aspects of my English consulting career, as well as other advertising outlets. Regardless, this year offered me many learning experiences and inspired me to create a service that wasn’t already there.

I’ve also begun redesigning and realigning my websites. Next year I intend to rebrand SailorScorpio.com and bring the fun — and the anime — back. I plan to create a new blog on MeredithShadwill.com in which I will discuss all things English. I have big plans for next year, and I don’t intend to stop until my projects are completed.

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#Reverb11: Blog Finds

Blog Find of the Year (Inspired by Gwen Bell): Share the love — which blog(s) did you discover this year?

This year I discovered quite a few bloggers who totally rocked my socks. They’ve inspired me to aspire to greater things, and I’m glad to read each one of them.

A Robin’s View
Cali Harris
Cordelia Calls It Quits by Kelly Gurnett
Free Range Dreams by Diana Rosenfield
Kaileen Elise
Patrick Rhone
Picsie Chick by Teresa Deak
The Barefoot Heart by Jeanne Hewell-Chambers
The Middle Finger Project by Ashley Ambirge

These people are all awesome reads, and I encourage you to check them out.

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#Reverb11: Books

Book (Inspired by Gwen Bell): What was your favorite book this year? Why?

I’m between The Old Man and the Sea and The Garden of Eden, both written by Ernest Hemingway. On the one hand, I enjoyed following the adventure of Santiago, the elderly fisherman, and his marlin. This book won awards for incredibly good reasons. On the other hand, The Garden of Eden was the sort of novel I wouldn’t ordinarily read. Any other author would have written something tawdry and vulgar given the plot of this story. Hemingway, however, beautifully mastered the art of weaving a love triangle in a suspenseful way that kept me reading just to find out how everything played out.

What books did you read? (Written by Kaileen Elise)

I read three Hemingway books: The Old Man and the Sea, The Garden of Eden, and The Sun Also Rises. I also began reading Ashley Ambirge‘s You Don’t Need A Job, You Need Guts. Of course, I realize this seems pathetic given the fact that I’m an English nerd, but I typically find myself reading articles and posts. I also tend to prefer writing as I’d like to practice my craft. I went through three notebooks this year and countless colored pens. There’s something very satisfying about filling pages with colorful ink.

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#Reverb11 Days 2 & 3 Batched

We’re on day 3 of #reverb11, and I’ve batched together prompts from days 2 and 3 — I wasn’t willing to compromise my turkey soup recipe for Foodie Friday.

One Word (Written by Gwen Bell): Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

During Reverb 10, I chose “success” to encapsulate the year 2011. However, 2011 didn’t bring the success I was dreaming of. Success didn’t manifest this year.  Instead, 2011 presented a lot of strife. Without going into a lot of complicated details, I’ve dealt with a series of unfortunate situations and issues, but they haven’t been without their lessons. I have a policy of learning something from every situation, regardless of the outcome. So while I may have dealt with a lot of strife, I know it’s helped me see life more clearly and alter my plans to accommodate unexpected events.

I would like progress to capture 2012 for me. I’m not asking for something outlandish like success or achievement — I’m just asking for a little bit of progress in all aspects of my life.

Community (Written by Cali Harris): Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2011? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2012?

I’ve discovered community in a small town in Northwest Georgia. It’s the sort of town where everyone knows everyone, where you bump into someone you know practically every time you set foot aside your door. It’s a community steeped in American Civil War culture, rich with history and majestic landscapes. Of course, there’s always a dark side to these sorts of things, and this little town has its own share of problems. But despite any ugliness, I’ve found stories everywhere. This area inspires me to be creative — to write, draw, cook, bake, photograph, and enjoy. I’m still waiting to see if we get a decent bit of snow this winter to cement any decisions to become a “half-back*,” but thus far I’ve fallen in love with the wide open spaces, fertile soil, and friendly faces. It helps that there’s a cute little cafe — or rather a chocolate shop with a cafe inside — that keeps bringing me back for more “chocolate au laits,” chocolate cobbler, and other such tasty treats.

Who are you? Describe yourself. (Written by Diana Prichard)

Since I’m sure I’ve got some new readers venturing over, I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Meredith Shadwill, English consultant. I’m a 20-something woman, closing to the 3-0 than not. I’m married with 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat, and 1 fluffy little bunny. I’ve got a part-time job outside of the home to pay the bills, but I dream of days in which I write, proofread, edit, and discuss the finer points of English grammar for a living. While I can’t physically juggle, I do figuratively juggle my life. I strive to achieve balance in all aspects of my life, and I hold very strong beliefs and values. I think eating at the table as a family, educational equality and success, and living with an open heart are the keys to making the world a better place. I think deep thoughts, but I also enjoy the lighter side of life. You can see this reflected in my Foodie Friday posts especially — how better to bring a family together at the table than to serve them delicious food!

*A “half-back” is a person who started life in the Northeast USA, moved to Florida, then found themselves in the foothills of the Appalachians — or so I’ve understood. It’s supposed to be a derogatory term, but I think it’s kind of cute. It makes me feel like donning a football jersey and helmet. If you know what I look like, this too would make you giggle. I’m probably not even cut-out for powder puff football.

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December Outlook #Reverb11

This month I’m focusing on reflection, and this year I’ve been left to my own devices. This holds great promise for me — and for you, too! I’m reviewing previous prompts from the Best 09 and Reverb 10 series, and I’m building my own month-long series dedicated to reflecting on the past year and manifesting what’s next. I’ll be recycling old prompts, tweaking other prompts, and creating a few of my own. Here’s how this will work:

  1. I will post a list of prompts and all pertinent info (author, details, etc.).
  2. I will write (and schedule) posts responding to the prompts.
  3. You respond to the prompts on your blog, in your notebook, or through any creative outlet of your choosing. There’s no pressure to do this everyday — only respond when a prompt speaks to/ inspires you. Batch them, mix them up, and have fun with it!
  4. Share your response on Twitter using the #reverb11 hashtag — no need to fix what isn’t broken, right?

And now onto the prompts!

  1. Reverb: How did your 2011 shape up? Did it meet your expectations? Did your words manifest during 2011?
  2. One Word (Written by Gwen Bell): Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?
  3. Community (Written by Cali Harris): Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2011? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2012?
  4. Book (Inspired by Gwen Bell): What was your favorite book this year? Why?
  5. Blog Find of the Year (Inspired by Gwen Bell): Share the love — which blog did you discover this year?
  6. Local Love: Tell us about a local business you discovered this year. What makes them stand out from the crowd?
  7. Project (Inspired by Gwen Bell): What project did you start this year? How did it go? What will you start next year?
  8. Map: Imagine a map existed, guiding you towards your dreams. Try to envision the route. How are you going to map out your dreams for 2012?
  9. What Matters Now (Inspired by Seth Godin): Think about the here and now. What matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters in during 2012?
  10. Reframing (Inspired by Patrick Rhone): How are you framing yourself and your life? Could you reframe things going into 2012?
  11. Time: Time is a valuable resource. Did you spend 2011 wisely? What can you do to maximize your time during 2012?
  12. Health: How did you treat your body this year? You only get this one vessel one time around. How will you treat your body next year?
  13. Path (Inspired by Patrick Rhone): Patrick Rhone tweeted “some times the best path chooses you.” What path has chosen you?
  14. Follow Your Heart (Inspired by Teresa Deak): Where will you follow your heart to in 2012?
  15. Travel (Inspired by Tara Hunt and Gwen Bell): Think of a place, trip, or event that really resonated with you. Tell us about it, how you felt, what you did, who you were with, etc.
  16. Foodie Friday, Reverb Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us more enjoyment than others. Share your favorite food moment of 2011. Describe the food, where you got it, and/ or how you made it.
  17. Wisdom (Written by Susannah Conway): What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
  18. Action (Written by Scott Belsky):When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
  19. Appreciate (Written by Victoria Klein): What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
  20. Lesson Learned (Written by Tara Weaver): What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
  21. Healing (Written by Leoni Allan): What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2012?
  22. Beyond Avoidance (Written by Jake Nickell): What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
  23. Achieve (Written by Tara Sophia Mohr): What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
  24. Photo (Written by Tracey Clark): Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
  25. Gift (Written by Holly Root): This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
  26. Defining Moment (Written by Kathryn Fitzmaurice): Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
  27. Stories (Inspired by Molly O’Neill): What stories touched your heart this year? How will you find and cultivate the stories of 2012?
  28. Insightful Peace (Inspired by Kate Inglis): Describe a moment in which you felt at peace, gained insight of your situation, and/ or realized everything would be okay.
  29. New Friends (Inspired by Martha Mihalick): Tell us how a new friend changed your life or perspective this year.
  30. Letting Go (Inspired by Alice Bradley): What do you need to let go of to move forward in 2012?
  31. Resolution: Did you stick to your 2011 resolution(s)? What’s your resolution(s) for 2012?

Now, here’s my response to today’s prompt: How did your 2011 shape up? Did it meet your expectations? Did your words manifest during 2011?

I entered into 2011 with an almost fresh slate — literally. I didn’t blank out a website or anything abstract like that, but I did move from Florida to Georgia. I had a new hope for the future. Over the course of the year, I realized I had dreamed up a very difficult task. Today, I can tell you that 2011 did not meet my expectations. My words, which I had hoped would manifest themselves as reality, were mostly just me dreaming out loud. That’s not to say 2011 didn’t bring great lessons, but a year ago today I was expecting to make Electrate Editorials my bread-winner. Here’s to bringing those dreams to fruition in 2012!

And for a little added fun, here’s my response to Kaileen Elise‘s prompt: Where did 2011 begin?

This year began in Northwest Georgia, in a small town steeped in American Civil War history. It’s a diamond in the rough, and we just need some forward-thinking, progressive individuals to take the reigns and sculpt dilapidated buildings and abandoned properties into an economically successful locale. Keep Northwest Georgia beautiful, but help it thrive!

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July and August #Reverb11 Prompt

July: What new thing will you try this month?

I made a tiramisu with some of the marsala wine my sister brought back from Italy. I’ve made several tiramisu cakes that came out lovely, but this tiramisu wasn’t as photogenic. However, it was much lovelier than my first ever tiramisu that I made when I was 15. Nothing bruises your foodie ego like a leaky spring-form pan. Luckily, I have more marsala left, and I plan to buy some more mascarpone at my next earliest convenience.

August: Describe an unexpected moment, activity, sighting or conversation that touched you during July.

July was quite eventful for me, and my regular readers definitely knew something was up because my website went down for roughly half the month. The root cause was an unexpected moment that touched me negatively. However, that wasn’t the only unexpected event of July. I wasn’t expected for my whole family to contract ear infections. I wasn’t expecting to get both an ear infection and bronchitis. I wasn’t expecting that I’d have to ask the ER doctor to prescribe one inexpensive prescription. Economic hardship plagued the month of July, and living so poorly took an understandable toll on my self-esteem. It probably didn’t help that a major retailer called me back simply to tell me that I’m overqualified didn’t help — I’d become more or less accustomed to no call backs at this point. However, that month inspired me to write a book, so July couldn’t have been all bad if I still managed to glean inspiration from the negative events.

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June’s #Reverb11 Prompt: Part 2

While we’re discussing letting ourselves off the hook for things, I think I might take this opportunity to let myself off the hook for the #Trust30 prompts celebrating the life of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I originally signed up for it spontaneously before shutting down for a week, figuring when I got back I’d catch up. I thought having a mid-year reflection period would be wonderful. I did well with the #Best09 and #Reverb10 series, but somehow life isn’t working out exactly how I want it to at the moment — I am not working as efficiently as I would like to at the moment. I can make excuses and place blame elsewhere, but it all leads back to me and how I’m functioning as of late. While I have the prompts archived in Gmail, ready for me to respond at my leisure, I can’t promise myself — or anyone else — that I’ll get around to them. In fact, it might come down to me deleting that label entirely in December.

I’m torn between feeling like my attitude controls my destiny and feelings of frustration in that my positive hopes and manifestations have done nothing. Seriously, I wrote something beautiful and positive a couple weeks back, and a couple days later I was horrified to learn that my positive outlook made no difference whatsoever. A situation in which I had been very emotional invested has forced me to give pause and deal with a varying range of emotions and the reasons why I’m feeling them. Part of why I’m so upset over it is because of the event itself, but I’m also partly upset  because it was a physical manifestation of fears that I’ve pushed into the darkest corners of my mind.

I’m absolutely terrified inside, honestly. Over 5.5 years ago, I was forced to make a decision to alter my path and abandon a dream of which I had invested so much time and energy. I’m at a crossroads again, and I absolutely do not want to make a decision to abandon another dream. Several factors involved in my current stalemate are merely temporary issues that will resolve with time — my abandoned dream was a matter of permanent factors that likely won’t ever change. I’m finding more and more that the past decade hasn’t been at all what I would have imagined 10 years ago. I sure life’s like that for many others, but that doesn’t make it easier to manage. The entire human experience is totally different from everything else in nature, and sometimes I’m actually quite jealous of “lesser” species that really don’t have to think about such profound, abstract ideas. It’s a matter of finding food and water, maintaining a protected shelter, rearing and protecting offspring, and staying alive long enough to be biologically successful. It’s not about paying taxes, living up to expectations, fancy houses and cars, or finding your niche. We, as human, complicated things so much so to the point that we’re suffering for all sorts of stress-related ailments. We have amazing technological advances, but we’re never satisfied. Even now, I’m sure my words will resonate with at least one or two people, but I find myself feeling like writing this from the heart, from my thoughts isn’t good enough. See? We’re a complicated species.

I’m letting myself off the hook again. I’m letting myself off the hook for writing a more profound entry. What I’ve written is good enough — and it’s time to face reality once more and live in the present. It’s time once more to dive back in and do, rather than sit and wait for change.

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June’s Reverb 11 Prompt

What can you let yourself off the hook for?

Today I promised myself that I would make the time to write. I originally planned to publish a Foodie Friday post, seeing as how I had a recipe and pictures all set to go. This perfect prompt found me this morning before I received heartbreaking news from a friend this afternoon. I almost considered voiding that promise to myself because that heartbreaking news has been so devastating — and as devastated as I am for my friend, I can’t imagine just how deeply her pain must sting. Sitting down with my laptop this evening, reviewing tabbed windows, I knew exactly what I had to let myself off the hook for. I’m letting myself off the hook for writing what I planned to write. No amount of words I could write here would change past events. So I’m letting myself off the hook. I don’t need to show off what I made for dinner Monday night, nor do I need to be a creative genius right now. Instead, I will grieve the loss of someone so small, so fresh, so new, and so innocent. I will send my thoughts and prayers to my friend. I will make myself available — because that’s what I would want if I experienced that same pain. I would want to know that someone was there, even if it was 3am. I would want to know that I could cry with someone over what I fought so hard for but would never get to cherish. No mother should ever have to experience such a soul-shattering pain.

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