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Reverb 10: Beautifully Different

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

On the surface, I possess a very unique birth mark that I’ve come to love. Even though I was picked on and taunted as a child, I still think it’s a beautiful mark that makes me so different from everyone else. And while they say you can’t judge a book by its cover, my unique birth mark absolutely indicates that the personality is just as unique as the mark itself.

I consider myself to be a very complex, complicated individual. I have varied tastes, preferences, opinions, beliefs, and interests. Did you know my master playlist includes both Metallica and Beethoven? My wardrobe contains big, baggy JNCO jeans and brightly colored, feminine skirts and shirts. I like to think my chocolate chip cookies are the very best. The question of cats or dogs/ dogs or cats should be answered with both — actually, my favorite cuddly pets have been guinea pigs.

While it’s the inside that counts, I still fall victim to worrying about my outward appearance. Is that a gray hair? And why is there a pimple developing? Have I gained weight? Unfortunately, our society places so much emphasis on outer beauty that most women have been bred to believe their looks matter. Just when I feel like I’m completely, utterly unattractive, my husband will say something to compliment me. I tell him that his vision’s tainted by his love for me — but today I followed up with, “and that’s alright.” While we might feel unattractive, someone else might think we’re the most beautiful creature they’ve ever seen. So smile, channel some confidence, and remember that it’s all about your mindset.

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On a personal note, this is my 300th post. (I always thought I’d quote a movie for this post, but today it seems inappropriate.) It’s taken a little over three years to post that much, but I’ve finally reached this milestone. Since today’s prompt didn’t have much of a manifesting what’s next angle, I’d like to use this opportunity to do so. By this time next year, I’d like to have at least surpassed the 500 mark. Surely there’s no reason I can’t achieve that within the next 365 days.

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Reverb 10: Make

Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Somehow I get the idea that food stuffs aren’t necessarily what the prompter had in mind, otherwise we could all very easily answer this. The last thing I made? Oh yeah, that was dinner. A pork meatloaf with green beans and mashed cauliflower. Yes, that would very easily constitute an entire post. However, that seems like cheating. I make food every day — but what about other creative outlets? The last thing I got hands on with happened to be one of my favorite long sleeved shirts. It’s a brown hoodie, and it’s comfortable both by itself and as a second layer to a tank top or tee. I’d torn a hole in one of the sleeves, so I reseamed it. However, that was reviving something that had already been created by some manufacturer.

I really can’t recall any creative endeavors I’ve completed since piecing together my manifestation board for New Hampshire. I’ve been collecting pieces for a career motivation board, but I have yet to sit and begin pasting everything in place. I’ve always had the bad habit of starting projects that I never really finish. I recently left a comment on Gwen Bell’s blog detailing childhood stories I’ve started yet never finished. Time always seems to seep through my fingers like water. There’s never enough time for all the things I’d like to fit in. Too many days I feel that my last day on this planet will be spent ruing all the things I never got around to — and what a pitiful end it would be at that. If I could fabricate time, I would spin as much as possible. Could you imagine that? Having as much time as you needed? It would be a wondrous thing indeed. However, I think it all comes down to cutting out the fluff.

On that note, I’m noticing a recurring theme — too much fluff monopolizing my time. I whine about not having enough time, but then I seem to have plenty of time to devote to my daily internet rituals. Perhaps next year I should work on systematically withdrawing from internet activities that do not directly nourish my soul or feed my creative outlets. How many items truly belong on my Google reader? How much time really belongs to FaceBook? When and how often should I check my email? Sadly, I admit I had grandiose intentions of following Gwen Bell’s lead by weaning myself down to one email check per day. Perhaps the upcoming year will yield better results as I focus more on the here and now, rather than the rat race occurring around me.

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Reverb 10: Let Go

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Wow. So many emotions washed over my last night as I read this prompt. Aside from disappointment, this year seemed to be about letting go. I let go of quite a few things. I let go of a grudge in February. I let go of an entire department of people who I’d come to be so comfortable and familiar with. I let go of my attachments to an entire town — more specifically, I will be letting go of my eight year stint of autonomy. Letting go is hard to do sometimes, especially when it’s something you’ve become so attached to…

I’d say letting go of a past grudge was the easiest of the three majors things this year. I had hints that it would happen this year, and I realized that sometimes forgiving and moving on is the right course of actions. Things have turned out just fine in that regard, and I’m happy I made that decision. I feel a better person for moving on and making that change in my life.

Letting go of MSE was a lot harder. I was complacent with my situation there. Sure, I didn’t receive benefits or a pay that would’ve covered my student loans — though now I realize that it would’ve worked out just fine because of the income contingent repayment plan the federal government offers. But it was something more than just a job. It was a place where I knew everyone by face and name. I looked forward to the colorful delivery drivers who’d pepper my day with relatively different stories. One was a man who seemed suited for a career in used car sales, a bit of a blue-collar comedian if you will. Another was a family man who’d strive to make it home in time to watch his son play sports. The other had a very interesting sense of humor. And then there were the students, who I began to memorize by face and name. Some were notorious for receiving several packages at once. I could see different cliques, usually dependent on which advising group they belonged to. Some habitually arrived late to seminar — and depending on my rapport with said student, I might be a little lenient. Then there were the professors. For the most part, they were very congenial. The younger professors attempted to get me to refer to them by first name. I came around for two of them — one because he consistently responded to my emails with his first name, the other because she was so close in age to me that it felt more natural to do so. Otherwise, I maintained the salutations of Dr. Last-Name. Spend several years earning a degree that gives you that title, and you most definitely deserve to referred to as a doctor. My coworkers got along for the most part. My bosses were pretty much hands off. People complain about micromanagers — these two were definitely not micromanagers. How lucky was I to have two bosses who gave me the freedom to go about my daily tasks without checking in every five minutes? Nothing says “I’ve got a great job” like being able to gather all your work together, walk over to your boss, and say, “here, this is what I’ve got. What do you think?” quite like the job I’d held for two and a half years. I was given the opportunity to expand my knowledge and gain experience. I doubt another job would have given me the opportunity to dabble in Adobe InDesign. It hurt to leave. It felt like the wrong time to leave. And it probably was the wrong time to leave. But then again…

All of the events occurring from that point onward culminated in my imminent departure from Gainesville. I’ve had a love-hate relationship with this town for most of my time living here. It’s a bittersweet move because I wanted it to be more on my terms. I wanted it to be to a place I had chosen. I wanted it to be after I’d been a little more established in my work. And yet I realize that I’m going to need to think much more positively if I intend to move forward. I’m going to have to find the silver lining. For starters, I’ll have the opportunity to make a living off of my craft. I’ll have the opportunity to grow my own food. We’ll be away from the partying students and the increasing crime rates. Heck, we’ll be half an hour away from White Castle — which was my favorite fast food restaurant as a little girl in New York. Mmm, sliders and onion rings.

I’m trying to make the most of it. I’m trying to reflect on these changes, why the needed to happen, and how they will manifest in the next year.

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Reverb 10: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Disappointment. That’s exactly how I feel about the year 2010. It began with bright hopes and big dreams. I began looking for a job that would pay me what I wanted and offer benefits. Instead, I took a job I wasn’t entirely wild about. The pay wasn’t up to par, and the people weren’t nearly as bonded as I had been accustomed to. I didn’t quite want to take it, but I knew restructuring would eventually force me to leave my former job. I also found a way to make the salary work, but somehow it still didn’t feel like the right move to make. Ultimately, it was not meant to be as I spent the later half of this year unemployed. I was cautioned that the last one hired is the first one fired, but that thinking wouldn’t permit for me to accept employment elsewhere. This time of unemployment has set the stage for the rest of my 2010, and it’s been quite unpleasant. I’d prefer never to relive this sort of discomfort again.

I would like 2011 to be summarized by success. I’m preparing to start my own business as a freelance writer, editor, English consultant, and English tutor. I see a real need for enhanced writing skills amid the nonsense of texting and “lolspeak.” Don’t get me wrong — I love a good macro just as much as the next person, but I can’t stand seeing it pervade everyday writing. I’d also love to finally make my words count for something more than pennies. I would love to wrap up my 2011 knowing my single member limited liability corporation can pay the bills and make life comfortable. I want to know I’m capable of employing myself — no bosses, no office politics, no nonsense.

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Mindful Monday: Shifting Gears

The job hunt has been seemingly futile to the point that I’ve come to realize that starting my own business isn’t just a wish — it’s a necessity. If for whatever reason I seem to be an unappealing job candidate, I can’t just sit around waiting to hear nothing or be told that they decided to go with another candidate. I can’t wait around for potential employers, giving them control over my destiny. Instead, I need to switch my focus onto finding clients and handling business on my own. I can’t just sit around waiting for someone to offer me money when I can very easily find people willing to pay me for services I can provide. That being said, I’m moving away from the job search and beginning to organize myself for self-employment in about one and a half to two months from now. As details come together, I will begin advertising my services here and welcome you to visit my business websites. I’ve had the domains purchased for a little while now, but I just haven’t been working on them.

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Mindful Monday: Gearing up for Reverb 10

Last December, I participated in Gwen Bell’s Best 09 blog challenge. It was a great way to get some creative ideas following and reflect on the year gone by. This year she’s done it again, along with two other amazing women — and I plan to participate again. I will be reflecting on the year 2010 and manifesting what’s next for 2011 via her Reverb 10 project. The year 2010 has brought me some very interesting life changes, and I’m looking towards 2011 for something fresh and new. June 11th, 2011 will mark the 10th anniversary of my high school graduation. Whether or not I’m able to attend the reunion remains to be seen, but the occasion will still be momentous in my life. Has it really been that long already? And yet, it also seems like decade ago in that regard. Life has changed so very, very much since high school. I’m looking towards 2011 for the formal beginning of my career as an entrepreneur, a freelancer, an independent contractor, a free agent. I’m looking towards 2011 to be my escape from the rat race, being someone’s assistant, having someone to tell me when, where, and how to work. It would seem all signs are pointing to the perfect opportunity to do so.

As the Thanksgiving holiday fast approaches, I will be counting my blessings in life. Sure, things aren’t exactly perfect and shiny at the moment, but life could be so much worse. For example, did you know that most people settle for a partner they’re not entirely in love with just avoid being alone? Yet here I am, nearly 10 years involved with my soul mate, feeling blessed to have him enriching my life on a daily basis. As I’ve told my wise friend who drives one of the buses we take regularly, I really do scratch my head about that one everyday. I might not have all the greatest things, but I’ve got something that even the wealthiest never find. See? Always something to be thankful for in life.

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Mindful Monday: Goals vs. Resolutions

Clearly, goals made in conjunction with New Year’s Day really do have that curse around them, don’t they? Nicki’s post today gave me that last little push to review my goals for 2010, knowing full well I haven’t made much progress. I’m mindfully taking stock of each day that passes by without too much regard to my personal goals. Rather than parade back out my less than likely to be met goals, I’m going to assure you that I’ve not made too terribly much progress on anything — none. In fact, the second half of the year has been filled with brand new challenges that present themselves as more urgent and important than everything else. Granted, my goals are all Quadrant 2 — which is the best Quadrant to be in — yet I find myself in Quadrant 1 on a regular basis. We’ll save the cynicism for my private journaling.

So in lieu of a December 31st deadline, I have extended my goals until next December 31st. The year 2010 came packed with challenges, and I think I deserve to cut myself some slack. After all, negative self-talk further pushes one down the spiral of despair, and that is not the purpose of being mindful. And while I’m pointing out the unmet goals, I do have to commend myself for staying mostly mindful of my thoughts, actions, and words. I’ve slipped up here and there, but overall I’ve done a great job keeping my mind in the present.

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Assessing My Progress

We’re already halfway through 2010 — have we decided it’s two thousand ten or twenty ten yet? — and it’s high time I assess my progress on this year’s goals. Obviously, I’ve been granted the time to recenter and refocus, so I’m most certainly going to take full advantage of that fact.

Health
Healthy eating habits: I’m going to be brutally honest with all of you — I really don’t think I’ve done a single thing to work towards a more balanced diet. While I’d been snacking on apples, a simple 60 calorie piece of fruit isn’t exactly a good way to prevent those sugar cravings. At the very least, my easy access to those Panera chocolate duet with walnut cookies is long gone.
Exercise: Again, I have a confession to make. I have not had an ounce of discipline with regards to exercising. Sure, I walk a lot, but that doesn’t count for everything. How can I sit here whining about my weight loss plateau when clearly I’ve not done a thing to keep the weight melting off?
Lose 29lbs and 33 inches: I’ve lost 11lbs and 9 inches since the start of the year. That leaves me with 18lbs and 24 inches more to lose before the year’s over. That’s a pretty tall order to fill.

Home
Get back on the Flylady band wagon: I think you’re going to see a pattern here. No surprise, I haven’t done so well on this goal. I’d get home at the end of the day feeling wiped out and ready to veg. So many things added up, and I really just didn’t know how to process that sensory overload. Too many things were happening at once, and it obviously culminated in Thursday morning’s unpleasant scenario. Well, at least I have more time to devote to routine creation, right?
Potty train Tati: We’re still welcoming the Disney Princesses into our home. What? It can get pretty hectic around here.

Self-Betterment
Write Daily: For the first quarter of the year, I did fairly well — right up until I became overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. No, we’re not going to detail everything, but clearly my mind was far too disjointed to formulate coherent thoughts. I’m getting back on track, though.
Make Friends/ Strengthen Current Friendships: I could still to improve upon this, but I’m pleased to say I’ve gotten better with talking to people. Okay, only when I’ve slept for a fairly decent amount of time. I still have  my moments where I feel like I open my mouth and stupid comes out. 😉 And hey, this whole losing my job thing has opened my eyes to the social network I’ve created for myself. I have connections, and this time I’m not afraid to ask for help.
Religion/ Spirituality: Well, I’ve certainly seen some signs and either chosen to heed or ignore them. Sometimes, I just don’t learn to trust the instincts I’ve been blessed with. Yes, Sir, I hear you loud and clear — minutes are worth more than money! Thanks for the lesson and the test. I’ll do better next time.

Overall, I’ve got a lot of work to do if I’d like to achieve my goals. This little unplanned vacation will be spent as wisely as possible.

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