Posted on

Mindful Monday: Goals vs. Resolutions

Clearly, goals made in conjunction with New Year’s Day really do have that curse around them, don’t they? Nicki’s post today gave me that last little push to review my goals for 2010, knowing full well I haven’t made much progress. I’m mindfully taking stock of each day that passes by without too much regard to my personal goals. Rather than parade back out my less than likely to be met goals, I’m going to assure you that I’ve not made too terribly much progress on anything — none. In fact, the second half of the year has been filled with brand new challenges that present themselves as more urgent and important than everything else. Granted, my goals are all Quadrant 2 — which is the best Quadrant to be in — yet I find myself in Quadrant 1 on a regular basis. We’ll save the cynicism for my private journaling.

So in lieu of a December 31st deadline, I have extended my goals until next December 31st. The year 2010 came packed with challenges, and I think I deserve to cut myself some slack. After all, negative self-talk further pushes one down the spiral of despair, and that is not the purpose of being mindful. And while I’m pointing out the unmet goals, I do have to commend myself for staying mostly mindful of my thoughts, actions, and words. I’ve slipped up here and there, but overall I’ve done a great job keeping my mind in the present.

Share
Posted on

Mindful Monday: Unplanned Hiatus

I’ve become highly aware of my complacency to just let a week or two go by without a post, and I notice the increasing guilt I’ve felt as a result. I also realize I made many big goals for myself at the start of the year, only to realize they’ll suffer that stereotypical fate of most goals set around the onset of a new year. I found myself wondering how I could call myself a writer if I didn’t actually practice the craft — it’s not like I’m merely putting my efforts into another outlet, after all. Still, I’ve also been told that writing just to put something there isn’t always a good idea. I tend to write from the heart when I blog, honestly, so that would really make sense in that respect. It’s not methodical here. There are no outlines, no drafts, no drawn-0ut revisions. Instead, an idea hits me, my brain begins to process thoughts and words, and somehow I churn out between 200 and 800 words after any given post.

So the other day I read Gwen Bell’s post after a bit of her own hiatus, and I realized that perhaps the guilt is unfounded. Perhaps I’m merely treating this thing — this possibility to monetize my words and never have to leave my house to pay my bills — improperly. Perhaps I should be writing to write, to share the joys within my heart. To share the ideas I have. To simply share. Sure, a little money here and there would be nice, but at what cost? I already know there are those out there who frown upon some of the mediums I’ve been using as mediums that abuse the very writers whose words have so much more value than the mere pittances awarded to them. And why should it even be about that insufferable Google PageRank? It’s not about the quantity of visitors, really — it’s the quality. I’d like to say the quality of my visitors is quite nice at the moment.

Maybe I’ve been approaching my writing the wrong way for the past few months. Maybe it’s time to let go of the guilt, embrace the moments of creation, and go forward without looking back at past “failures.”

Share
Posted on

Schedule Deviation

Obviously, Thankful Thursday never happened. It just didn’t. To be honest, my day started with a time wasting orientation that served merely to give me a hint that I might get a little bit of job placement help, but basically it seems to receive unemployment you need to report back to Big Brother every so often. Good thing I’ve been keeping track of my job hunt just for my own personal use! So, I suppose we’ll see if it works out to my advantage or not — here’s hoping! Due to some sleep loss (one kid woke up crying thinking it was time to get up at 1am, had to get up early to go to previously said orientation), I was a bit cranky yesterday. Sure, I’ve got plenty of things to be grateful for — but it’s nothing I haven’t already rehashed here. Sometimes, my brain isn’t cooperative in terms of recycling material in a newer sounding fashion.

And you may have noticed that Foodie Friday’s not happening. Sorry, nothing good to share today. While I have found myself in the kitchen more often than I’d like to be in there, I haven’t really felt like staging things to take pictures. I haven’t felt like something was post worthy until well after the fact — when it’s just too late to go back and get pictures of the process.

Life can become a bit complicated when everyone wants a piece of Mommy/ Meredith’s time. I have a list of projects and some to-do lists scattered about my hard drive, and yet I find I have less and less time to really devote to them. Working on my own business? Nope, no time or motivation when I’m worried about following all the laws to the letter. I mean really, we live in a day and age when a grouchy neighbor can call the cops on little kids running a lemonade stand and get the law and their side! Without a food and beverage license, those kids are breaking the law — absolutely messed up, but absolutely, unfortunately true. So here I sit, wondering who’s watching what I do, just itching to report me the second I decide to take business before getting everything legit. It’s disheartening. I’d love to earn some extra money, but it’s true that you need to spend money to make money. Are my services taxable? I haven’t a clue — nothing concrete seems to exist within the realm of what I’d like to do. Some sources say yes; others say no. And if they’re taxable? I have the joys of estimating taxes. Are you kidding me? This is why Mom & Pop’s don’t work anymore. It’s truly a shame that the Land of Opportunity is no longer the land of opportunity.

I could sit here taking on the victim persona, whine and cry about how awful everything is, and generally wallow in misery. However, I know that it only serves to feed into that vicious cycle, and the best way to deal with it is to spin it into a positive. But sometimes? Sometimes it’s really hard to put a positive spin on a situation, especially when you stop, step back, view the bigger picture, piece together all the variables, and realize there’s a lot to be done in a short period of time. It’s hard to really stay upbeat and positive all of the time when times look bleak. Prospects are slim, standing out from the masses seems hopeless, and even networking appears to be falling just short of getting a foot in a door. The funny thing is that I can pretty much go back in time three years ago and apply most of these job hunting frustrations to that time period. Things did work out, I finally stood out of the crowd for the right position. It just takes time, determination, and perseverance.

Although I’m obligated to complete another round of sifting through job postings tomorrow, I think I might take a step back from the Internet over the weekend. I deserve a weekend away from it all. Sure, there won’t be any lovely beach excursions in my near future, but I certainly could use a little less electronic glow and a little more inner glow. Sunshine is optional — I’m not entirely certain the weather would cooperate with any outdoor plans.

Share
Posted on

Don’t You Know Who I Am?

I’ll admit it — I’ve had some pretty rough days in the past couple of weeks. Some days I’ve coped better than others, but days like yesterday? It’s all I can do to just coast through my day. I sat up thinking about things. I couldn’t shut off my mind. This happened the night before, too — come to think of it, nearly every night my typical train of thought involves this state of upheaval. It can get pretty depressing. And then, I came to a realization.

Earlier this year, I discovered that I survived a threatened miscarriage. I somehow defied the odds for a whole ten months (approximately 46 weeks). Throughout my childhood, I defied odds. When I was five, I fell back and hit my head on a sharp corner in my room. I laid down in my bed to take a nap after that fall because I felt tired. Had my parents not come in to check on me, I might not be here right now. We moved around so much throughout my childhood, and yet I still managed to graduate high school with honors and go onto my first and only choice of college. In fact, I was a fairly good kid — I got picked on for being a goody-goody! Even though I got pregnant young, I still managed to graduate college with my Bachelors. You don’t even want to know what my first apartment was like — the fears of violent assault loomed over my head every single day for nearly two and a half years of my young adulthood. I made it into a nicer apartment. That second apartment? My neighbors caused a fire that destroyed nearly every apartment in that building — except for mine. All of our stuff was safe and secure. Perhaps one of my most defining moments in life happened when I gave birth to my youngest within the confines of my own living room — even though his two older siblings had been c-section babies. The tale of this great accomplishment has circulated the Internet many times.

Don’t you know who I am?! I’m not some push-over. I’m not a wimp. I’ve clawed my way out of worse situations, and this whole messy ordeal will become nothing more than an unpleasant memory of a less than stellar time. It will become nothing more than fodder for my ambitions — ambitions to become something so much more than just an ordinary person blazing a trail to the grave. No, I’m not going out without a fight. It’s not always fun to have to fight through it, but I can do this. I have something much more important than several zeros before the decimal point on a paycheck. I have something much more than power in an influential company. I have ambition. I have determination. I have a proven track record. For crying out loud, I’m practically legendary among the circles of ICAN! People now come to me for advice on who to hire! Don’t think for one second I can’t do this. Just watch me. I will come out ahead, and I will come out a better person.

Share
Posted on

Several Documents Later…

I spent much of the weekend researching freelancing, consulting, and just general independent contracting. I’ve got several documents of information pulled together now, and I feel confident that I have plenty of resources all at my finger tips. Now comes the hard part — making sense of it all. It definitely is a lot of information to sift through even after scouring the internet. Of course, it’s definitely worth the effort because this is what I’d like to do in a lucrative capacity at some point in the future. All this information will better enable me to create a viable business plan and set realistic, achievable goals for myself.

Tomorrow I will be kicking my job hunt into high gear. There will be several sources scoured, companies and businesses researched, resume polishing, cover letter creation and customization, and application submissions. It’s apparently a science, as you can find just by searching the web. In all honestly, sometimes it’s important to have that day job to fund our passions, even if our passions aren’t ever meant to supplant the day job as primary income. Regardless, I shall be doing my best to stand out from the crowd. Seriously, how many other candidates remember to bring a portfolio? I nailed an interview just by having that beautiful little folder of my work along for the occasion — and I can do it again.

Share
Posted on

Pressing On

I have yet to devise a plan of action and truly organize my thoughts, but I have been socially networking in the hopes that I can find a connection much easier — after all, that’s partially how I got the job I just lost in the first place. I find myself feeling more and more connected to the ever popular Dooce, and I do intend to reach out to her for advice. In the mean time, let me tell you a little more about myself.

I am a graduate of the University of Florida with a Bachelor of Arts in English. I had the distinct pleasure of studying with Dr. Gregory L. Ulmer, a pioneer in the fields of electracy and hypermedia studies. Under his tutelage, I found a passion in Internet literature — more specifically, it’s on my life list to make a living off of my writing in print and on the Internet. This blog itself is considered Internet literature. The best job I’ve had since graduation was my position as a secretary in the University of Florida’s Department of Materials Science and Engineering. I started my two and a half year journey having no idea what the field of Materials Science and Engineering covered. Now, I can’t understand why I didn’t know about it in the first place. In addition to learning something new just about everyday, I was charged with answering incoming calls, sorting mail, logging packages, keeping track of keys, submitting maintenance work orders, greeting visitors, and keeping track of graduate seminar attendance. I took it upon myself to work on the newsletter, slowly gaining more and more responsibilities until I finally had the opportunity to design and edit the entire newsletter from scratch utilizing Adobe CS 4 InDesign. I also coordinated events, such as the departmental career workshop before the recession kicked into high gear. I discovered the joy in planning events — choosing caterers, locating a venue, working with venders and guests, etc. I assisted in preparations for the 50th anniversary events, and I feel honored to have been a part of that department during such a wonderful time. The people I worked with more often than not brought me joy, and I did my very best to always be a smiling, friendly face with whom the students, faculty, staff, and visitors could easily converse. Upon my departure for what I thought were greener pastures, many people expressed sadness to see me leave. I discovered that I impacted them just as much as they impacted me.

This brings me to what I’d like to find. I’m seeking a family-friendly, family-oriented environment. Ideally, I’d like to work with other parents who are working to live and not living to work. If your office is filled with family photos and your children’s artwork, if your weekends are spent hanging out with your family, we will get along quite well. Your place of employment should encourage camaraderie and value high morale among all employees. Everyone should feel part of the team — right down to the janitors who made the work environment clean and livable. You could not operate without them, so making them feel welcomed and appreciated is very important. I would very much like to continue working in the same capacity that I have been for the past few years. More specifically, I would like to function as a secretary, administrative assistant, or an executive assistant. I would like to have the opportunity to coordinate events and edit publications. Should you have something more specific to the marketing and communications aspect, I am more than willing to make the transition to that specialization. In fact, I would welcome the opportunity to begin specializing in publications.

In addition to seeking a permanent status position with an employer, I am also looking to begin my career as an English consultant and independent writer and editor. I will be explaining my business plans in more detail in the coming days. I welcome any advice, comments, ideas, recommendations, and suggestions you can provide, so please feel free to send those thoughts my way.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. — Seneca

Share
Posted on

Impromptu Vacation

It’s actually quite funny in a cosmic sense. I mean, I did feel like I needed a vacation. I did want to be my own boss and not have to answer to someone else on their schedule. But not on these terms. It’s also funny how you learn that some people aren’t really your friends and will take the first opportunity to stab you in the back, put words into your mouth, and see that you are wronged. I will be doing some serious soul-searching with regards to whom I associate with in the next 24 hours, but for right now I have plenty of important things to handle first. In fact, let’s get onto that point right now. I’m now a free agent thanks to a gross misunderstanding.

So now I’m left scrambling to figure out finances. My husband and I are clearly going to have to play a game of who can find employment first again. I intend to contact whoever I can to do whatever I can to make sure this does not ruin my career. And who knows? Perhaps this is my chance to make my writing work for me. In the meantime, I will be accepting donations via paypal for a mother of three who’s down on her luck. Sometimes our plans in life don’t go according to plan, and sometimes other people step in to sway your path in another direction. And honestly, I’ve been in a similar position once before. We went through an uncomfortable period of time, and life began to look quite hopeless. Just when I thought it was done, that everything was going to fall apart, my old boss at UF MSE gave me a job. In fact, when I left that job I knew I was going to miss his management style the most. I knew I would miss the fact that he was more like an old friend than a boss.

So, today starts a new adventure for me and my family. I don’t know where we’re going, but I’m going to do my best to stay positive and mindful during the journey. I’m going to do my absolute best to make sure the journey takes us to a place that’s even better than I could have imagined before. And so you know, I already know I can apply for an assistanceship for grad school as long as I agree to teach some undergrad classes — the grad school application will be going forward regardless at this point. I’m not going to let a few people who’ve just spat in my face stop me from giving my family the best life I can. You can strike me down, but you cannot prevent me from doing great things in life. You can’t stop me from writing. You can’t stop me from bringing awareness to injustices. You can’t stop me from being the best wife and mother I can be. And you certainly can’t stop me from pursuing my goals. You aren’t that powerful. Only my maker can call me away from this life, and until He does, I am here to continue working towards my authentic self. Bad circumstances be damned.

If you’d like to help, you can donate to my paypal account via meri1030@gmail.com. You can also pass along that email address to recruiters. I’m a free agent, and I’m ready to rock the socks off of a family-friendly boss.

Share
Posted on

The Life of a Freelance Writer

As it would seem, I’m still in the preliminary stages of beginning my freelance writing career. My focus remains the daily routine with just a pinch of time devoted to my writing. However, I have heard that the first newsletter I’ve assisted in editing should be in print as of today. When it becomes available, I fully intend to parade my work shamelessly. What fun is there in sitting idly by without having a readership? In addition to said newsletter, I’ve completed three articles for the Florida Friends of Midwives blog. I’m considering posting those articles here with backlinks. Again, what would the fun be if I didn’t share my work?

I clearly haven’t been keeping myself active enough in order to utilize [redacted] as a viable option just yet. I also haven’t worked up the motivation to install Google Adsense and other such programs that would potentially net lovely income. I also haven’t been invested enough to continue my search for publications to either pitch an article or submit an article. Let’s call this an unofficial to-do list, and let’s also say I need to set goals and deadlines for these items. I find myself feeling relatively foolish just watching bloggers and time fly past me while I sit here daydreaming of rolling hills and fresher air.

Let us first assume that I should at least take a baby-step towards my goals, thereby instating that I should write every two to three days during the next month. At that point, I will resubmit my blog to [redacted] in order to gain that extra bit of income. Let us next assume that I should have a definitive deadline in which to monetize this blog, which should coinside with other income goals. I have set a goal to increase my income to a specific amount in two years from this coming Saturday. That being stated, my writing should be at least a small portion of my income, and I should have this blog monetized by then. I should also be submitting and pitching articles on some sort of regular basis. For the sake of clarity, we shall choose the arbitrary number of once a month as defining “some sort of regular basis.”

On that note, I will begin brainstorming future blog entries, as well as begin research for my next FFOM blog entry.

Share