The mood to write finally struck me. I prepared an extensive list of topics and idea, hungrily anticipating the moment when I’d get to tap my fingers upon the keys, releasing my thoughts and ideas into binary (im)permanence. Slowly but surely the afternoon wore on, and each passing moment made me more aware of the fact that I was the only one who planned on my writing time today. Being in a fairly stubborn mood — and too good of a mood to throw myself across the bed in a defeated slump — I set to work exploring my options outside. Only one electrical outlet afforded me this luxury, but I’m resourceful. An extension cord! Yes, an extension cord would length my tether, providing a comfortable, quiet, and serene location for my laptop to absorb precious energy (the battery no longer functions, and more pressing matters require funds at the moment). Untangling, unwrapping, and stretching out, the cord reached with room to spare. Gloves, a scarf, a blanket, and some shoes made the 52 degree weather bearable. Water bottle, laptop, and gear in tow, I found the defunct futon in dry, squishy, comfortable shape. The wind brushes through my hair and against my face, carrying the songs of birds chirping happily above the flowing creek. If only the sun were on this side of the house right now. I shiver slightly, but I stay diligent with my gloved fingers, typing and expressing myself in a creative manner similar to the days before I had an audience outside of myself. A strong breeze roars through the tree tops before finally making it’s way through the woods and in between the fibers of my blanket. Can I really manage through several more posts? Yes, yes I can. I’m determined. I’m ambition. I’m filled with the promise of a week with 3 days of ending and 4 days of beginning. It’s a magical sort of week when ends fuse with beginnings. Cautiously, I remove my right glove to better access my touch pad. It’s cold, but I must mouse over to other fields if I’d like to see my words enter cyber-space.
#365Altars
Upon the physical manifestation of my altar sits a pair of candles, flickering away with the scent of apples and cinnamon, filling the air with their sweet scent. Hints of lemon steeped through my herbal infusion tickle my taste buds, or what little remain after scorching them in hopes of that first sip of freshly brewed tea. Weak, I ponder the concept of soaking. Energy must be summoned to clean the tub, making it acceptable for a good, relaxing bath. I contemplate the ingredients to dump in the running water — salt, tea tree oil, scented soaps — to soothe my condition. I don’t like being congested, and I don’t like the sound of my scratchy, wheezy voice. Above all else, I hate feeling weak and tired, dizzy and faint. A pot of freshly made soup could help, but today I’ve relinquished dinner duties to a man who’s sole purpose for the day seems to be making me smile. A small smile spreads across my face as I realize he’s been most successful in his attempts. Who am I to complain if someone else wishes to wash the laundry? Busy work, that’s what it is. It’s busy work that prevents me from sitting here, being creative, attempting to show instead of telling. Attempting to bring forth that which is typically stifled in a sea of to-do’s and requests. I stare up at the candles, wondering if I’m up to the task of wiping down that tub. After a deep breath, I go forth to soak — to let my mind wander and daydream about healthier days.
#365Altars Lighting A Candle
Just once more, the frosty peppermint snow candle is lit. Just shy of an eighth remains, the jar blackened by the flame. Still, the flame towers high, emitting that sweet scent into the air. As I meditate upon the candle, frustration sets in. Set backs have crept up this week — but this is the year I intended to change everything. Times flies past as my frustrations build. Most of the wax remains solid, the flame still flickering softly upon the mantle. Its warm glow provides a very small, limited area of zen amid. It reminds me that it is possible to contain a state of zen within a very small, limited area — like the area within myself. Unlike the candle, however, I do not possess a glass container in which to contain my peace — nor would I wish for such. Glass can shatter, scattering sharp shards. Glass keeps things out, which is good for a candle — but not for a person. A person needs people and experiences to permeate the barrier for the sake of growth and development. These set backs are part of my growth and development. So while I greet them with disdain now, I will wish them farewell with gratitude.
#365Altars by Wholly Jeanne
Let me premise this by saying that if you’re not following @whollyjeanne, you should. She’s brilliant and packed full of Southern charm. This year she’s created 365 Altars, meant to “honor our deepest sumptuous selves.” Honoring myself daily also ties into cultivating myself. In order to cultivate a life worth living, I need to honor myself. So I’m participating in this project — on and offline. Even if you don’t see a post, I’m practicing offline mostly. That’s really the point, I think. So far I’ve been honoring myself with writing time, coloring time, exercise time, plenty of water, and as much nourishing food as I can squeeze out each day. I’d like to increase my sunshine quotient, too, but the weather needs to cooperate on a certain level.
So if you haven’t yet noticed, I’m following along with three other projects that feed into my Cultivate project. Each project incorporates ideas to better ourselves and our lives. This year I’m cultivating a life worth living by honoring my deepest sumptuous self, attending the Manifestival, and living the list!