The Prose of an Electrate Mind

I’m always relieved when I read about people who’ve been through situations I’ve been through and come out successfully. For one thing, it makes me less likely to feel lonely. For another, it helps me feel hopeful that I can succeed just like those who’ve been there before me. So when I read Gwen Bell’s post “The Seeds of Anger,” my eyes teared up. I will not be detailing what parts of that post resonated with me, but I will say it felt so good to see that someone elsehas moved beyond something like and lives life with such a Zen-like quality. Seriously, everything I’ve seen and read from her so far just has such a serene feeling to it. She’s not the first person that I’ve stumbled upon who’s overcome past misfortunes, but she’s the most recent. I am so incredibly grateful that the internet has essentially given me this wonderful connection to people I would have otherwise never met.

Today I’m so grateful for the sandwich that was leftover from yesterday’s lunch (another delicious Panera creation). I was so hungry before leaving for lunch — just because I had something to eat for lunch doesn’t mean the baby isn’t still going to need milk — and was relieved to devour that sandwich before even making it to the bus stop. I’m also grateful to see that I can soon share my latest, greatest issue of UF MSE’s newsletter with everyone. I toned it down a lot with the special effects and different colors in favor of a simple gradient feathering of the school colors (orange and blue, of course). I’m also proud of the fancy little snowflake design Brian added to the front cover. How convenient that I’ve reached my 50th gratitude post at the same time that I finished the edition of the newsletter that includes the 50th anniversary celebration photo on the cover.

[January 20th] Sleep: How’d you sleep last night? How does the quality of your sleep impact how aware you are throughout your day?

As with life with an infant, I slept fitfully. You know the expression “sleeping like a baby”? Yeah, well, that shouldn’t mean “I had a great night’s sleep!” — it should mean “I kept waking up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” I also can’t just say, “hey, honey, can you please detach my breast and feed the baby?” No. That is a physical impossibility. So, it’s me, Junior, and a breast all nestled down in the solitude of night.

Now, I’m very particular about my sleeping patterns. I get less than eight hours, I’m typically cranky, groggy, and slow. If I get less than three or four hours, I tend to act irrationally — I become far too hyperactive for the near-sleepless state I’m in. My body likes sleep. When forced to undergo periods of sleep deprivation, I can feel that my body’s not rejuvenating itself like it should. I’ve been known to cry when I’m forced to stay awake (please don’t let me fall into enemy hands — they will know exactly how to torture me). However, I do understand that my current sleep deprivation is through 50% of my own fault (I take credit for the little ovum I provided to create our little bumble bee), so I just comfort myself that in a couple more years I’ll be able to get a solid eight hour block each night again. In the meantime, I’m trying to pretend that my eyelids don’t have fifty ton weights hooked onto them.

[January 19th] Get Moving: Get moving at your desk today. Become aware of your work life movement habits and how to improve them: Sitting Too Much? The dangers of living a sedentary life. Click “Participate” to read the article and learn about The Mindfulist project.

Throughout the day, I am required to get up and open the mailing/ package room to allow delivery drivers access to drop off packages. In the mornings, that can generally equate to 5-6 times that I have stand up from my chair, walk over to the room, unlock the door, walk back to my chair, and sit back down. When a student requests keys, I have to get up and go to the key closet to retrieve the necessary keys. The point is that I am required to get up and walk away from my desk sporadically throughout the day, which suits me just fine. When I sort the mail, I try to make an effort to use that time to move as much as possible (although when I was pregnant I worked on ways to minimize my time up on my feet).

The article brings up very good, valid points. As our society has diverged more into longer work hours and weeks and placed more emphasis on our careers, our rates of obesity, metabolic disorders, and depression have seemingly increased as well. We are discouraged from spending more time on hobbies and personal activities as these activities are “less productive” for our society. Yet wouldn’t we be serving society better if we were permitted more time to enjoy physical activities and spending time doing what we love? Luckily, I happen to be a fidgetter — I got in trouble in school and CCD classes for being a fidgetter at all. Well, who’s laughing now, Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So? My fidgetting is probably keeping me in better shape than your “sit still and be quiet” prim-and-proper nonsense. This article — and all the research it cites — validates my daily habits. I already know to take the stairs instead of the elevator and do so at every opportunity. While annoying, I’m grateful for the second-floor townhouse that requires me to go up and down stairs to leave and return home AND to go to and from my bedroom/ living area.

So if you happen to pass by my desk and I look like I’m having a blast in my chair, don’t judge me. Mimic me. I’m practicing a healthier lifestyle by just being me fidgety self.

Last night the baby was quite restless. I thought I had a rough night trying to sleep, and I reluctantly got up and ready for work this morning. When I got to my desk, I had a message waiting for me. I’d say my boss’ night was much worse, and I don’t envy the clean-up job he had on his hands. I definitely keep putting things into perspective these days. I will be enjoying a “free lunch” today — yummy Panera bacon turky bravo sandwich, salad, kettle-cooked chips, and a chocolate duet cookie with walnuts — thanks to my job. That’s more food than some people will see in a week or a month. I’m working today, getting a paycheck. Some people have been unemployed for an extended period of time and are losing their homes, their vehicles, and virtually their lives. I have three healthy children. I don’t currently know the details, but a friend of mine lost her infant niece a few days ago. I am so grateful for what I have. A little lost sleep isn’t all that bad in the grand scheme of life.

[January 18th] Notice Someone: Take the time today to notice something new/different about your coworker (or a person you work with). If you work alone, notice something about yourself.

I’m not at work today to fully appreciate something new or different about any of my coworkers, but I’ve worked there long enough to know my coworkers. After all, we have this lovely tool in our lives called “FaceBook.” Of course, that seems to be failing me right now, so I think I’ll take the time to notice something new or different about myself. Actually, this morning when a maintenance worker came out to install our replacement dishwasher I was less concerned about breastfeeding my son than I normally would be. I’m usually very concerned about someone I’m not comfortable with having the chance to see a bit more of my flesh than I’d prefer them to see. I guess I’m becoming less concerned about people seeing me feed my baby — because that’s what I’m doing, feeding my baby.

The tadpoles are interesting. The one that seemed to be in poor health is almost a frog. He’s just got a little bit of his tail left. His name is Chance. The one we named Killer looks… well, they say they all develop at different rates. His legs are still puny compared to what Chance’s legs looked like after he sprouted arms. His arms are getting bigger, but not much. His head still looks like a catfish head. We’re watching and waiting to see what happens.

The presents were pretty cool. The green Christmas mugs don’t have to be confined to Christmas, do they? They make great lingering around the home with a warm cup of tea mugs. I eventually plan to play dress up with Tati and take pictures. Santa left her another trunk of clothes, so I’m planning to make a day of it when I can.

Thanks a bunch. Not entirely sure what’s going on up there, but I see that you’ve been reading. That’s alright by me. I don’t know if I’m ready for “peace talks” so to speak, but I think we might be on the path to them.

This will be the last three day weekend I have until Memorial Day weekend in May, unless I take any days off. Since I currently do not have a TEAMS status position, I wouldn’t get paid for the day off and would likely not choose to take a day off unless it was absolutely necessary. No, I only have half-days to look forward to when I have to take one of the kids to the doctor’s office. (I could send Brian with three kids in tow, but that would be absolutely cruel and heartless on my part, wouldn’t it? 😉 I’m not that mean even when I’m angry with him.) So all that being said, I’m so very grateful for my day off. I know there are plenty of people who still have to work today, including my apartment complex’s staff. I’m grateful for the reason I have the day off. While I’m not a minority, I am a woman. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s civil rights movement paved the way for other movements to achieve equal rights. His work was very admirable in that he chose the peaceful path to fight for equal rights. Many activists can learn a thing or two from MLK’s work. Thank you, MLK, for your work — and for the day off.

[January 17th] Day of Mindfulness

In my endeavors to be mindful today, I thought about ingredients I was putting into food products as I created them. I sat and enjoyed the windy weather blowing in through the windows while listening to the sounds of usually nocturnal bugs chirping in the damp woods. I realized how truly blessed I am to have all the things I do. So many people — some I know, some I’ll never meet — have lost loved ones. Today someone I know lost an infant niece, and I have been very mindful of how fragile our babies can be. I’ve very consciously enjoyed my youngest in all his seemingly healthy glory.

I experimented in the kitchen again. After enjoying a slice of pumpkin loaf from Starbucks, I really wanted to have more pumpkin goodness at hand. The thought of four eggs in a recipe kind of repulsed me in the sense that — even if it made two loaves (or a loaf plus 12 muffins) — it seems too excessively fatty. So, a few substitutions to bring down the fat content and increase the fiber content, and I had fresh pumpkin muffins and a lovely loaf. The slices of my pumpkin loaf even seemed to keep shape better than usual — I  have a very bad habit of cutting my breads too soon, even when I give them time to cool. I also made a batch of peanut butter banana oatmeal muffins. That’s a mouthful and a half, but the point was to create a high fiber, low-fat, high protein treat. I used yogurt in place of milk and added walnuts. They came out fabulous. I’m very pleased with the results of today’s kitchen experiments, and I know I’ve got some healthy options for when hunger strikes between meals. I love getting a load of nutrients in a nice hand-held package.