Reverb 10: Wonder

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

So far, I’m finding these prompts to be a little difficult, but today’s prompt just raised that bar about 100 feet into the air. How did I cultivate a sense of wonder in my life this year? I really couldn’t say — I doubt I really made a conscious effort to do so, therefore I really haven’t the slightest clue as to how I could have possibly done such a thing. So in order to further understand the meaning of this prompt, I took to Twitter to see what others have said. I checked what fellow reverbers who’ve commented on my posts had to say on the subject. Luckily, Kristen of Media Tinker wrote some very helpful statements that made me realize I’ve been subconsciously cultivating wonder throughout the entire year.

I’ve been paying closer attention to the milestones, the accomplishments that my children seem to pass so quickly. Particularly, I notice with wonderment that my youngest — my baby — is growing into his very own little personality. He’s got quite a strong personality already, actually. He’s shy around people he’s not familiar with, but around our nuclear family he’s quite the little clown. He’s recently taken to initiating games of peek-a-boo by hiding himself then popping up and shouting “BOO!” I stop in amazement to reflect on how much he’s grown over the past year of his life. Then I reflect on how my daughter’s becoming such an advanced little girl. No longer are the days of babbling and toddling. She’s very eloquent and holds some very interesting conversations. And my oldest? Oh my. One day a few months ago, I looked at his hands and realized he’s got little boy hands. They’re not baby hands. They’re not toddler hands. No, they’re not even preschooler hands. They are little boy hands. The type of hands that play with dirt and mud. They type of hands that speed toy cars around in circles, crashing into each other and all things in between. They type of hands that scream, “I’m a boy!” His facial structure has become more defined as an older child. The baby face is gone. Sure, he’s still the same old button pusher he’s always been, but he’s quite obviously more advanced in his boundary testing these days. When sent to his room for causing trouble, he storms away quickly, pouting and muttering, sometimes slamming the door. I think the first time that happens, I kind of giggled quietly, realizing that he’s growing into his own individuality. It’s become less funny, just as new habits and achievements tend to do.

Ever notice how we marvel over babies learning to walk and talk, yet we take for granted our own walking and talking skills? That thought always crosses my mind when thinking about how my children have been growing. I wonder when it’ll become the norm and loss the novelty. I wonder what new and exciting challenges they will overcome. I wonder if I will revert to a state of helplessness eventually in my lifetime. It really makes me appreciate all that I’m capable of doing that much more.

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Reverb 10: Moment

Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

When I opened my email this morning and found this prompt waiting for me, I immediately locked up. This is like that essay I had in my final semester of undergrad: when did you realize you were not a child anymore? Really? I need to choose one particular moment? Honestly, the progression from child to adult was a rather complex and drawn out process. And now to choose one particular moment in which I felt most alive this year seems equally challenging. By 10pm, I had flopped on the bed while watching the baby explore the room, contemplating when I last felt most alive. To be honest, the last time I felt the most alive was on November 3rd, 2009 — but that’s last year. I realized I had a lot of reflection to do and some serious back tracking.

After getting the baby to bed and finishing up with my daily internet readings, I decided to go over previous journal entries. I started with LiveJournal, which proved to be the correct course of actions. I felt the most alive this year right around February 16th when I discovered the relatives of my biological father. Actually, I take that back — the moment I got the test results that confirmed my biological father’s paternity was the exact moment I felt the most alive this year. For over 26 years I hadn’t had any interaction with this man, and then I finally answered some questions about him. While things didn’t quite pan out with that, it’s still comforting to have all those answers.

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Reverb 10: Writing

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

This is such a loaded question for me. I do so many things everyday that likely do not contribute a single thing to my writing, yet most of them are things necessary tasks. Dishes? Laundry? Meal preparation? Diaper changes? Retrieving a mobile baby from furniture every five minutes? All necessities. What could I eliminate from my daily routines? Actually, I could stand to detach from my inbox a bit more. Recently, I signed up for a Gmail system tray notification application — probably not the best idea if I want to quit compulsively checking my email. However, I signed up with the idea that seeing the subject titles would suffice. Theoretically, that should be sufficient for my basis needs, but it’s become more of an attraction to log in and read the actual emails.

On the other hand, I feel I should do more to promote my daily writing, to focus more on making the time to do so. Sure, it might be nice to eliminate distractions, but then I’m focusing more on the distractions themselves. I feel that I don’t do enough to flesh out a time and place to sit and write on a regular basis. I find more often than not that I’m regularly in a situation that requires my attention to be elsewhere, and those situations tend to present as both important and urgent. Nothing’s more pressing than a little boy who’s discovered the thrill of climbing onto the couch, watching the horrified expressions on his mother’s face. The impish grin, the devious twinkle in his eyes — my son knows what he’s doing, and I fear my future with this child holds many terrifying rides. “Mommy, that one’s an inverted roller coaster! Let’s go on that!” Um, no thanks — I like my feet firmly planted on the ground, not dangling in midair while thrusting forward at 60 miles per hour. On the other hand, I’ll bet that would make for some seriously interesting reading.

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Reverb 10: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Disappointment. That’s exactly how I feel about the year 2010. It began with bright hopes and big dreams. I began looking for a job that would pay me what I wanted and offer benefits. Instead, I took a job I wasn’t entirely wild about. The pay wasn’t up to par, and the people weren’t nearly as bonded as I had been accustomed to. I didn’t quite want to take it, but I knew restructuring would eventually force me to leave my former job. I also found a way to make the salary work, but somehow it still didn’t feel like the right move to make. Ultimately, it was not meant to be as I spent the later half of this year unemployed. I was cautioned that the last one hired is the first one fired, but that thinking wouldn’t permit for me to accept employment elsewhere. This time of unemployment has set the stage for the rest of my 2010, and it’s been quite unpleasant. I’d prefer never to relive this sort of discomfort again.

I would like 2011 to be summarized by success. I’m preparing to start my own business as a freelance writer, editor, English consultant, and English tutor. I see a real need for enhanced writing skills amid the nonsense of texting and “lolspeak.” Don’t get me wrong — I love a good macro just as much as the next person, but I can’t stand seeing it pervade everyday writing. I’d also love to finally make my words count for something more than pennies. I would love to wrap up my 2011 knowing my single member limited liability corporation can pay the bills and make life comfortable. I want to know I’m capable of employing myself — no bosses, no office politics, no nonsense.

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