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It was so nice to stay home and keep warm, rest, play around a bit, and give my body a chance to adjust to my current dietary plan. Now that I’m back at work, I’m feeling a lot more grounded again and more able to face the day. Sure, that exposure to all the goodies I can’t eat really stings, but I think I’ve got this covered. I can overcome the cravings until Easter.

I’m grateful that I got to spend some extra time with the kids, especially since we had a decent amount of snow to play with and make snow cream. They had many “snow” days and were only at school for 2 out of my 8 days off, so we definitely got to spend plenty of time snuggled up in pajamas.

I’ve just finished my responses to Kat’s beautiful Reverb14 prompt series, and it’s been inspirational and motivational. I feel rejuvenated and ready for several projects in 2015. I joined Susannah Conway’s 5 day e-course to help find my word for 2015 and came up with “nurture.” The overall theme of the word branches out to cover just about everything I want to accomplish next year — and it fits so well with my Cultivate series. By the way, I’ll be starting the next Cultivate prompt series on January 11th. It’ll run for 3 weeks, ending on January 31st. That gives us time to marinate in our Reverb14 responses, enjoy the holidays, and get back into a routine — or cultivate new ones.

I’m inspired to take on a 365 day photography project. I want to take self-portraits each day, as well as portraits of my children. I don’t indulge my inner photographer as much as I would like to, so this nurtures my creativity. I’m also inspired to migrate my blog over to my professional website. I’ve got a complete design over-haul in mind for it, too. I’ve started my 2015 vision board on Pinterest and a pinboard for my word. I’m just brimming over with ideas, and I’m so glad to have that spark back.

Today, I invite you to consider: what sorts of signs and symbols have recurred for you in 2014? Think: repeating colours, shapes, people, sayings, music, images, ideas. Where could they possibly be leading you?

I’ve noticed a lot of signs that seem to be pointing me towards dreaming big dreams once again. They’re leading me to explore what makes me happy and to continue nurturing that which matters most — and those who matter most. I see it in images. I hear it in music. I notice all the subtle ways that life is trying to tell me to practice happiness and gratitude. Even when life was completely shattered and stressful, all signs pointed towards cultivating a life worth loving. I knew what I was fighting for, and right now I’m completely motivated to keep my family safe, happy, and nourished in all ways. As 2014 has drawn to a close, I’ve seen quite a few signs that encourage me to continue cheering up. Things are changing in a good way. Good things are coming our way. I may not have a clear vision anymore, but I know what I want out of life. I know that I love making french toast in the morning and watching hungry mouths devour it. I know that I love sitting outside in the fresh air relaxing while the not-so-little ones burn off that enormous amount of energy. I know that I love quiet, cozy evenings in fuzzy socks and pants. I’m not completely sure of the path I’ll be taking, but I know that I have wonderful traveling companions who I cherish dearly. And that makes all the difference in the world.

Look back at the last year and consider: how did generosity open your heart? How can you cultivate generosity in the coming year?

I feel more like I was on the receiving end of generosity much of the year, but I have had a couple of opportunities to bless others with even a small token of my appreciation for their presence in my life. Yesterday I had the distinct joy of giving a dear friend at work some home-made cookies and fudge with the intentions of healing her aching heart and comforting her soul. She lost her mother last month and hurt her arm a day after. She has always been one of my pillars, and my heart felt a calling to do something — even a tiny gesture — just to bring some comfort and joy. And do you know what? It does feel warm and fuzzy to do things like that. The human connections that says “I care about you” speaks volumes. For me, there is an internal reward for generosity. It brings me happiness to share happiness.

I intend to cultivate generosity in the coming year by acknowledging each opportunity to extend generosity on any level. I have been given so much, and I really want to share that same joy with others. I will honor the moments in which I extend generosity and acknowledge that even the smallest kind gestures are special. Some times a simple smile or hug is that one generosity gift that helps the receiver in such a deep, meaningful way.

As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions when your intentions do not come to pass?

It would seem Kat and I definitely are kindred spirits. I, too, suffer from being either “good” or bad” — kind of skipping past those gray areas. This mindset does not lend itself to cultivate a life worth loving, and it’s time to embrace the imperfections of life. It’s time to embrace wabi-sabi.

I would like to write, walk, dance, stretch, color, cook, and bake more. I would like to create stories, memories, healthy habits, and all sorts of fun things. I would like to have inner peace even in the face of imperfection and a sense of stability. I would like to be happy, healthy, friendly, nurturing, wise, and present more often. I would like so much less of the worry and anxiety, the fear and depression.

I think one of the best ways to honor these tiny milestones will be to stop, acknowledge the moment, savoring the feelings, and proceeding on with life. A moment of presence to be mindful of each baby-step will honor my quest to live a life worth loving. And in the moments when my intentions fall short of completion, I will require much more mindfulness in order to honor those moments for the lessons I learn from life’s imperfections. I will require mindfulness to release the feeling of failure, honor myself, and move forward with new intentions. It is time to celebrate each moment of life and honor myself regardless of the outcomes.

How have you created and/or sustained connections in your life this year?

It’s been a very difficult year, but I think sustaining connections with people has truly helped me maintain my sanity this year. I rely heavily on text messages and Facebook to stay in touch with a lot of friends. A quick message with words of encouragement or updates on my life help let everyone know that I’m continuing to channel my energies effectively. I made an extra effort to create strong connections with a couple of neighbors who have since moved. Having their friendship and support helped me feel grounded. I needed that this year when I felt like I was plummeting.

Please post your favourite picture of yourself from 2014, self-portrait or otherwise!

So this isn’t just me, but I think I like this one the best because we had a date night — a real, honest date night. We went out to a nice restaurant, had drinks and good meals, and saw a movie. It was an amazing night.

And for extra bonus points, here’s one from last year…

And here’s one from 2012 when Brian and I went to our first anime convention…

And here’s one from 2011, which I think I may actually have posted for a prompt series prior to Reverb11…

And finally, here’s one from 2010, when Reverb first began as we knew it…

But wait! Some people say Reverb started in 2009 with the Best09 series! If you want to be in that camp, then here you go! My little HBA2C baby and I!

Think back to such a situation: if the gloves were off, how you really would have liked to have dealt with them?

Oh my goodness, Brad. It’s like you’ve kept up with my life’s circumstances and got inside my head. Despite our usually sunny dispositions and dedication to the practice of “assuming positive intent,” we all occasionally find ourselves having to deal with an incredibly unpleasant individual. Oh, and was she EVER incredibly, horrifically, DISGUSTINGLY unpleasant to deal with! While I’m sure you always handle it with the tact and finesse for which you’ve become so well known, I’m going to ask you to step outside yourself for just a moment. Actually, that’s exactly what it took for me to get this lousy excuse for a human being removed from my business — stepping outside my typical “sunny disposition” and getting angry and demanding. However, I still managed it with tact and poise. I contacted supervisors and state officials to express my displeasure and demand that my voice be heard. It was no wonder my voice couldn’t be heard elsewhere — it was tied up in bureaucracy, fighting the powers that be!

But if those gloves came off, if the facade came down, I would have loved to verbally degrade that woman. I would have relished the opportunity to use several “choice words,” to use the language of rush hour traffic in New York City. I had moments where I imagined how gratifying it would be to slap her in the face, shout obscenities at her, and send her on her way. To me, she is a monster. She brought fear into the hearts of my children. She removed my husband, the father of my children, and my oldest. For a year and a half we fought the system and proved that we were wronged. Of course, we get no restitution for our suffering. And my anger flares once more — what I would give to have that opportunity to take off the gloves and curse her out. She so deserves it. How many children did she ignore who truly needed her to intervene while callously attempting to destroy mine? But one thing is for certain — I know now that I will always find amazing strength to protect and provide for my babies. No one can ever take that from us.

We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?

This year — as well as last — I had to channel a lot of strength. I don’t know where it all came from, but I somehow managed to channel strength even when I felt so worn out and ready to give up. I had to channel so much patience and kindness, even when I didn’t want to extend either to my opposing parties. I felt indignation, and yet I managed to maintain myself and glue my family back together. It’s just so difficult to write about channeling energy at this point of the year because I’ve exhausted my strength and energy. When I sat down with this prompt, I had to get back up to brew a cup of coffee. As the year has drawn to a close, I have felt a great urge to hibernate. Shut down for winter, sleep, and hide inside. I’ve been battling so hard for so long, and I feel weary. I feel the need to recharge and recover. I think as 2014 comes to a close, I’m going to release the need to channel strength and vibrance in favor of loving where I am right now and resting with certainty that I’ll emerge from my mock-hibernation happier and healthier in 2015.