Month: August 2015

I’m not sure. I’m unsure of how to answer this — unsure of what I’m supposed to be seeing behind the curtain. Figuratively speaking, I only see fog. I’m not sure what’s out there. I’m fumbling in the dark, trying to find my way.

…like sitting down with a mug or glass of something calming and watching the sky and clouds change color. It’s a quiet, peaceful time of day when you can either recall your achievements or wipe the slate clean on a rough day. It’s a time for evening meditation, or perhaps light conversation. The day’s events may shape how I’m feeling once twilight rolls around, but I’m always eager to sit down, sip something good, and watch the sunset.

I’ve been here before, ambling towards the light but feeling hopeless and discouraged. I’ve made it through the darkness to the light a few other times, even though I felt like it was too far away — too far out of reach. This beacon of light is there, but I’m still here wondering how to get there and when I’ll get there. But if I merely remember past achievements, I’ll know I can make it back to the light once again.

…and I’ve decided what I clearly don’t want. I’ve decided things have to change, but first I have to change my mindset. I’m still a little unclear about what exactly I’m pursuing, but I at least know exactly what I don’t want to pursue.

Some days, the D monster comes to call and hangs around longer than others. Its buddies A and P visit regularly, too, and some days I just have to fake it through until bedtime. Attempting mind over matter only work so much before acceptance and honoring must begin. Without the pain, how do we appreciate the pleasure? Without the bad, the good doesn’t shine as brightly.

I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid that I’ve already burnt out — that I’ve reached my ceiling. I’m afraid things are the way they are meant to be already, and I’m the one who needs to change and accept things as they are. I’m afraid my big dreams are just silly little dreams.

…lost in the mist of confusion. I’m ready to find my voice once again, as well as my direction. I’m ready for the magic of August Moon to shine some light on my cloudy imagination.