[Monday Meditation] Letting Go of Guilt

I’ve found myself feeling very guilty that I haven’t written more than 932 words towards my NaNoWriMo project. Of course, I’m only writing it for myself at this point. I procrastinate because it’s in my dilatory nature. Yet I realize I shouldn’t feel guilty over this. When I came to this realization, I determined that I can let go of the guilt in other areas of my life. We all can. Guilt only serves to make us dwell upon bad decisions. It doesn’t necessarily help us move forward. If I’m too busy feeling guilty about my lack of writing or sweet indulgences, I’m not focusing on writing or eating better. As I’m working on disciplining myself better, I feel that it’s only fitting that I let go of the guilt. I need to have  more discipline with regards to making positive changes in my life and the world around me rather than dwelling on my faults and the wrongs I see.

So I’m letting go of the guilt. Yes, I had entirely too much cake for my birthday and the ensuing week. Yes, I haven’t upheld my commitment to write 1667 words per day during the month of November. Yes, I’ve ignored my plans to incorporate more exercises into my daily routines. Yes, I some times go a day without meeting my sixty-four ounces of water quota. Yes, I have been staying up a little later than I should be, forgoing my required eight hours. I’m remembering that I can choose to eat healthier the next time I feed myself. I know that tomorrow is another day — a day in which I’ll have an hour break at work, where I can write in peace and quiet. I’m making the choice to enforce more discipline within myself in order to live a healthier, balanced life. So what if I don’t reach my 50,000 word quota? This story is rather delicate, so I’m fine with taking more time to carefully think out the details. There’s no need for guilt.

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[Foodie Friday] Birthday Cakes

This year I decided to make a chocolate pumpkin marble cheesecake with a spiced oreo crust for my birthday. I got inspired by The Brown Eyed Baker. Last year I made a chocolate pumpkin layer cake because I wanted a festively colored cake, and mixing chocolate and pumpkin again seemed like a great way to keep that festive spirit alive. You can go to Michelle’s food blog to get the recipe for the pumpkin cheesecake batter — I only cut it in half to accommodate my recipe. I created a recipe for chocolate cheesecake based on recipes by Nigella Lawson, The Joy of Baking, and Smitten Kitchen.

To make the crust:

14 ounces of oreos or chocolate wafers
2 tbsps light brown sugar
6 tbsps melted butter
dash cinnamon
dash cloves

Put the cookies, sugar, and spices into the bowl of a food processor. Turn on the food processor to pulverize the cookies. Pour melted butter through the tube. Stop the food processor once the crumbs pull together. Press them into the bottom of a greased spring form pan. (Don’t make the mistake of lining the pan with foil like I did!) Bake the crust at 375 degrees Fahrenheit for 7 minutes.

16 ounces cream cheese
2/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup sour cream
9 oz melted 60% cocoa chocolate chips (or any chocolate you desire)
2 eggs
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 tbsp vanilla

Whip the cream cheese with the sugar until smooth and creamy. Beat in the sour cream, melted chocolate, and each egg, one at a time. Add the cream and vanilla, and beat until fluffy and smooth. Pour the batters into the pan, altering between each batter after each addition. Swirl the batters with a flat spatula or knife. You can either put the pan into a water bath or simply put a pan of water on the rack below the cheesecake. (My spring form pan was too big to fit into any of my other pans, so I did the latter.) Bake at 350 for 65 to 70 minutes. Let the cheesecake cool for about an hour before storing it in the refrigerator overnight.

In addition to making my own cake, a sweet co-worker baked me a beautiful, delicious red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. She made a perfect frosting as it wasn’t too sweet like most frostings. She also topped it with crushed walnuts.

And because yesterday was my son’s second birthday, we ordered him a cupcake pull-apart cake featuring Diego — his favorite Nick Jr. character. Even though there was a mistake (they gave us white cake instead of chocolate), he really seemed to enjoy the cake toppers.

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November Outlook

As I celebrate my youngest’s second birthday, I’m looking ahead at November with hopeful anticipation. This month I’m dedicating myself to continued rebuilding and discipline. Here’s what’s in store:

~I’ve signed up for National Novel Writing Month this year. I’ve finally decided to take last year’s story idea and quit being so dilatory about all the stories floating in my mind. While I’m slightly intimidated by this undertaking, I’m equally excited to take the opportunity to create a novel.

~I’ve identified areas of my life that aren’t working, as well as ways to fix those problems.

~I’m ramping up my business efforts. It’s time to go big, grow my client base, and live those dreams.

~I’ll begin the process of purging my belongings once again in anticipation of the next move. We now have less than three months to go before we select our next home and move.

November promises to share many blessings that will have me and my family feeling incredibly thankful by the time Thanksgiving arrives.

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October in Review

I dedicated myself to focusing and rebuilding during October, and I believe I succeeded in my intentions. I created another set of 101 goals for 1001 days, and I’m hoping the second time around I’ll achieve even more than I did the first time. I’m finally narrowing down my “point of view” — essentially bringing focus to my work. I’ve realized this because I see stories everywhere. I relish the stories that come with each person I meet. I find the stories behind my co-workers, my customers, and my students. My current sliding scale student travels a great distance — and has a wonderful story — to learn grammar and writing skills from me. This makes me feel like I’m impacting the lives I touch positively. I thrive on this validation and these stories. But the stories don’t end there. All the wonderful people who support me and bring me joy and inspiration push me through my slumps. All writers go through these times, but we all have wonderful support networks. We build stories together.

I had hoped to realign my websites with the help of Gwen Bell, but time doesn’t permit. I’m filled with hope and ideas now. I would have loved for her to sprinkle fairy dust onto my website and been my ace up the sleeve, but it just wasn’t meant to be. However, I’ve learned very valuable lessons from her feedback that I will surely utilize. As J.K. Rowling said, “We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.” And it’s true. All I need really is inside of me. I transformed my websites during October, bringing my hopes and dreams further into the binary. I’m still working on becoming the best version of myself. I live to be authentic, fierce, loyal, loving, kind, compassionate, and passionate. I am me, and that’s all I can be. I have unique qualities that make me special, and I can changed lives if I simply put forth the effort. After all, I am legendary in some circles. I have already begun to touch lives, and I can continue to do so in various capacities. I’m teaching a student to find his voice, too.

October gave me the strength to continue using my voice and sharing my stories. So much inspiration — from words of wisdom to colorful leaves — urged me to continue following my own path. Dream big.

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