Month: January 2015

Friends: We need people who nurture us. Friends provide care, support, encouragement, and enjoyment. Are you treating your friends in a nurturing, supportive manner? How can you cultivate the friendships you hold dear?

To be honest, I’ve been so physically and emotionally depleted that I haven’t really nurtured my friendships. In fact, that last two years made me realize that I don’t have a best friend right now. I have my husband, sure, but I need one of those really close friends I can call and tell anything and everything. There’s a big life change looming on the horizon, so I almost feel reluctant to cultivate that level of friendship with anyone right now. However, I want to nurture the bonds I have with a handful of really lovely people — and I want to be open to new friends that will be forged later on this year. To do that, I need to be open and reach out. I can’t sit on the bench, kicking my feet back and forth, staring off into the distance. I have to engage with others, no matter how anxiety-ridden that may be.

Children: Perhaps you’re a parent. Perhaps you’re an aunt or uncle. Perhaps you just associate with people who have kids of their own. Regardless of how you’re related, the way we interact with the children in our lives makes a significant impact on their lives. Are you setting a good example? How can you nurture the next generation?

Children notice a lot of things. A LOT. Even when we don’t think they’re paying attention, they’re soaking up their surroundings. Whenever I go to work, I try to treat the children I encounter with the same level of respect I would their adult counterparts — and perhaps even a little more. I’ve seen them empty a baggy full of coins on the counter, and I’ve made the effort to help them count it out so they’re not just paying for their stuff. They’re also learning on the fly. When it comes to my own little brood, I try to nurture and honor their different interests and hobbies. They’re only going to have so much longer before they have to leave the nest and become responsible adults, so they should have room to enjoy youth while they’ve still got it. Each of us was once a child, and I really don’t get that grouchy, child-loathing mindset some adults have. We had to grow up, and we should treat our future doctors, lawyers, and service workers with respect. Because they’ll notice this, they’ll have an example of how to behave as an adult. The more positive encouragement you give a child, they more chance they’ll follow your lead and help make the future a little bit better.

Significant Others: When we choose to become romantically involved with someone, we’re opening ourselves to a very deep relationship. How can you nurture a healthy, loving relationship with your partner? If you’re not romantically involved with someone, you may choose to evaluate former relationships to identify ways in which you’d like to nurture future relationships.

My husband and I have survived several difficult situations throughout our relationship. On a few occasions, I doubted we would come out on the other side together, but we have made a point to cultivate our relationship by talking to each other and making time to spend together. Of course, my work schedule makes it fairly difficult to plan regular date nights and activities, and I tend to tire easily as a result of my job description (still at the big box retailer greeted everyone with a warm smile, after all). During 2015, I’d like to work on finding spontaneous activities that don’t necessarily require a lot of energy. I tend to workout better on my own, but perhaps I can convince Mr. Man to take walks with me — cultivating our relationship and our health at the same time. And I definitely miss playing cards together. Maybe we’ll invest in a new deck of cards.

Parents: Whether they’re still alive or long since passed, biological or adopted, our parents were the first people to teach us about relationships. How can you cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them? How can you reconcile your past with your present and future?

Do you know that I set an intention to call and write the elders of my family more often? However, I’ve missed the mark quite a bit because of circumstances that are now in the past. I think that the best way to reconcile this past and cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them would be to wipe the slate clean and devise ways to follow through. Setting an intention is simply enough, but I need to have a clear plan to follow. Perhaps I can look at my days off and pick a parent or grandparent to call.

Appreciate: Cultivate isn’t about being in a constant state of happiness — it’s about practicing happiness, much like you’d practice a sport or musical instrument. How can you infuse more appreciation for the people, places, and things that bring you joy?

I’m ready to return to my gratitude practice, listing five things I’m grateful for daily. I’m going to acknowledge that I’ve accomplished a task no matter how big or small. I’m going to stop to play — the real fountain of youth. I’m going to embrace every opportunity for joy.

What Matters Now: Cultivate is about living in the here and now. What matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters during 2015?

Right now, my family matters most to me. I want to make sure I’m healthy and well enough to be here for them for several more decades. I want to protect them from the people who would do them harm. I want to nurture their growing minds and bodies with good foods, lots of love, and plenty of fun. I’m going to move them closer to more family so they can enjoy more family gatherings. I’m going to continue traditions — birthdays, holidays, all kinds of fun and memories. I’m going to make sure I feel like I’ve had enough rest, water, nutrients, movement, and quiet time so I can properly care for them. I’m going to make sure my husband knows how much I care for him and help him continue healing from the grief of losing his parents in 2013.

Healing: The Cultivate project is all about healing yourself. How might you heal yourself, your relationships, and/ or your community this year?

This year I’m going to heal myself and my family by taking better care of my health, reestablishing good writing and creativity habits, and moving us to a much less hostile environment. I’m going to foster healing in my community — my Cultivate community — by hosting the Facebook group. What better way to connect with others who want to cultivate a life worth loving by building an online community where we can share our thoughts and dreams.

Health: How did you treat your body last year? You only get this one vessel one time around. In what ways can you cultivate better health for your body this year?

Last year I started off with good intentions, hoping to accomplish a detox cleanse last Lent. I failed miserably because I put all my focus on fighting an agency bent on destroying my family’s quality of life. In fact, one person I met through these people outright suggested I abuse coffee and caffeine instead of worrying about the ramifications to my health. Another person the year prior suggested I should do everything myself because anything less would mean I’m too dependent. Everything I’ve ever learned in my 31 years has proven to me that these two women were horribly wrong and did not have the best interests of myself or my family at heart one little bit. However, I fell into bad habits. Snacking on junk food that was convenient and readily available. Neglecting to drink enough water. Neglecting to exercise. By year’s end, I felt worn out and run down. This year I’m putting my foot down. It’s time to put my oxygen mask back on. This year, I’m going to stop turning to coffee every time I feel weary. I’m going to stop succumbing to the candy and chips readily available — it was my self-discovery that a banana was a much cheaper and healthier option for a quick snack anyway. I’m going to pack healthy, nourishing meals. I’m going to walk at least 3 times a week. I’m going to resume some stretching and yoga. I’m even going to get reacquainted with my hips through some belly dancing. I can’t care for my sweet ones if I’m not feeling well myself.

Let go of old frames: How are you framing yourself, your relationships, your community, and your dreams? Could you reframe these as begin 2015? What do you need to let go of to cultivate your best life in 2015?

Right now I’ve got a couple of distant frames in my life. My family is whole again, but we’re all still traumatized and trying to recover from the pain and loss we suffered. I feel like a broken shell still, even though I’ve been attempting to mend my seams and refill my soul. My community — the local area — has lost the luster it once held. My dreams feel so vague and intangible. I’ve begun 2015 with a sense of renewed hope, though. I know we’ll have a change of scenery later on this year, and I know that we’re on the road to healing. We are a united force once again, and we’ll mend our wounds together. I need to let go of the past to move into the future. I need to let go of my ideas of “how it should be” and open my heart to the possibilities.

Time: Time is a valuable resource. Did you spend your time wisely last year? What can you do to cultivate more quality in your time during 2015?

On one hand, I want to say I did; on the other, I want to say I didn’t. I suppose most of the time I spent my time as wisely as I could, given all the circumstances. I don’t know that I had a lot of quality jammed into those minutes, but I know I’ve started to follow the right path when spending my time. Ever since I got a fortune cookie that said “minutes are worth more than money, spend them wisely,” I’ve been very conscious of my time and what occupies it. This year, I can take one day at a time and decide how best to spend it based on health and family. The days of guilting myself out of a nap are over — if my body isn’t cooperating, it’s trying to get my attention for a reason. “You can’t serve from an empty vessel.”