[Mindfulist] February 17th

[February 16th] Beginner’s Mind: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few”. – Shunryu Suzuki / Are you a beginner or an expert? Do you strive to be one over the other? (This is from yesterday, but I’m going to begin dating them as of the date I complete them for the sake of simplicity.)

I must be a beginner in some respects because right now there are so many endless possibilities for my future. On the other hand, I’m an expert in other respects because their are very possibilities in other aspects of my life. I’ve always desired to be an expert on one level or another, and I find quite often that we cannot all be experts on everything. We can try, we can hope, and we can dream, but we will never be experts in everything.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You cannot fix some of the personal things going on in your life right now, but you can focus on making the right changes for a brighter future. It’s a waste of time to get angry. Travel will bring you greater clarity. 3 stars

My horoscope for today actually seemed to have some relevance to my present situation. This morning I was so furious, I wanted to send an angry email demanding answers — real, true, factual answers, NOT the garbage I’ve been fed for so very, very long — and I spent a good bit of time trying to “sit on my hands.” I’m unsure of the travel they speak of (it seems like they throw that travel part in almost every single day for the fun of it), but I have had moments of mental clarity today. I was reminded of a very similar situation, and I know exactly where all that vinegar will get me — nowhere. It’s not worth my stress, it’s not worth my time, it’s just not worth it. And just because people say something is the right thing to do doesn’t mean they’re right. They don’t know all the issues surrounding it, so they couldn’t possibly make the same conclusions I have. I will follow my code of ethics, and I will not settle for anything less. And why should I? No one should settle for anything less than the just and honorable path. No one should settle for anything less than truth, integrity, love, happiness, etc. We are given a finite time on this planet — as my fortune cookie said a couple weeks ago, “minutes are worth more than money — spend them wisely.”

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Gratitude # 67

Today was starting out like one of those really lousy days. I hadn’t set out my clothes the night before, and all my warmer stuff was still in the dryer — enjoying the freezing temperatures pouring in via the dryer vent. Do you have any idea how ridiculously hard it is to change into chilly clothing? Definitely not fun. I let them sit under one of the air vents to warm up — just as the heater turned off. You’d better believe I layered up before trudging out the door into the 29°F air that apparently felt like 23°F. The proverbial black cloud was looming over my head. To be concise, things just weren’t going my way this morning. Things just felt off. This 26-year-old woman sitting here typing was on the verge of tears several times, only tempered by the large glass windows-for-walls that would make me a spectacle for all passers-by.

And then, it happened. My boss had arrived from the store with all the things we needed around the office — including some green tea. But not just any green tea! It’s my favorite brand, my favorite variety. A mere serving of the stuff has the unique ability to right all my wrongs, both physical and mental. I don’t know if it’s the antioxidants, the gingseng, or something different, but I feel so much better. It’s mental clarity and physical well-being in a cup/ bottle/ can. Today, I’m grateful for my saving grace. Here’s to my own personal do-over for the day!

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Gratitude # 66

I don’t think we give FaceBook enough credit for the fabulous resource that it is. I mean, Google only gets you so far when you’re trying to reconnect with people. FaceBook? FaceBook is like the Google of people. It gets you in touch with people you knew in high school. It gets you in touch with old friends after you’ve moved away. It finds people — important people — you had always wondered about. Today I’ve finally found a missing piece to my past. I don’t know how this will affect my future, but believe me when I say that I’m relieved to finally be much closer to the truth.  Today, I’m grateful that in this day and age I have the resources to answer even the most complicated questions out there.

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[Mindfulist] February 13th

[February 13th] Practice: Question-asking: Ask a question you’ve never asked before. Today. Let us know what happens.

It would see I’ve missed a very important prompt. Here’s my question that I’m in the process of asking: What if everything you were told about your past was a lie? Seriously, it’s a very critical question to me these days. It would seem that all these years I was led to believe an elaborate lie. Where do I go from here? Well, I’ve decided to be proactive in uncovering the truth. I don’t know why the truth was skewed as it was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t at least find the truth. (Incidentally, my husband came up with a plausible explanation that sounds nicer than my wild imagination’s plethora of explanations.) So I’ve found some very good leads, and I’m very, very close to discovering a lot of interesting things about my past.

On the bright side of things, I’d like to thank that elaborate story teller because my imagination took that lie and spun it into a potential Great American Novel. Of course the real plot twister would be if that elaborate lie really is the truth. Who knows? Regardless, I’m ever closer to the closure I desire. I will hopefully be able to put my past where it belongs and move forward. In the meantime, I intend to go through this experience as mindfully as possible. Here’s to new discoveries and answered questions!

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Observation Journal (February 15th)

I’ve been letting the questions of my past get the better of me lately, and I can’t figure out why it’s so important to me to have these answers. What difference will it make? Will I somehow become a different person? Will it some how change the meaning of my life? The answer to the latter two questions is no. But for some strange reason things like this are important to me, even though I’ve heard the answer I’m looking for isn’t an answer I’d want to find. I’ll be the judge of that (okay, so really I’m just stubborn).

I spent a good portion of the day ensuring that I kept quite busy — busy enough that I don’t have time to do today’s mindfulist prompt. In fact, the prompt requires detailed reading, and I’m quite  intrigued by said reading material. Look forward to a mindfulist post regarding question-asking and perfect life ponderings.

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Number Two Hundred

This marks my two hundredth post — amazing. Today is a day for mindfulness and gratitude most definitely. I’ve got a wonderful family to be thankful for. I’ve got a roof over our heads, and I hope to keep it that way (lest we forget V-Day 08). I’m very blessed to have all these wonderful people and things in my life. I’m also learning to be much more mindful in my daily routines. I actually stop to think about things. Did you know spring is right around the corner here? Yesterday, I noticed tiny leaf buds on tree branches, which means we’ll be enjoying those spring green leaves within a week. Not too long afterwards, we will be enjoying the azaleas blooming with lovely shades of pinks, purples, and whites. Perhaps we’ll be lucky enough to enjoy a reasonable stretch of open-window weather before we skip into the blistering hot summer.

So on this day that celebrates love, I hope that you find happiness within your heart — regardless of your relationship status. On this day that celebrates the Chinese new year, I hope that wealth resides in your future. On this day of mindfulness, I hope you are able to really think about life, yourself, and everything in between. On this day, find the little things that make you smile. Find the things to be grateful for. Enjoy life.

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Lenten Vows

Each year I come up with a Lenten vow to both “celebrate” Lent and to better myself. This year, I have decided to give up all junk food — with the exception of cake and ice cream on my daughter’s birthday. First of all, I’ve been binging entirely too much on cookies, chips, brownies, candy, etc. Would it kill me to substitute something unhealthy with, say, a fruit or vegetable? I don’t think so. Secondly, I’m supposed to be losing pregnancy pounds. I’m not doing very well so far, and I doubt I’ll do any better if I don’t curb the unhealthy habits. Finally, I need to be putting good, healthy food into my body so I can function properly. Sugar and sodium do not make for a good, healthy body. Vitamins and minerals, however, will help me to feel more human and less like a zombie. So from Wednesday, February 17th until Sunday, April 4th (Easter), I will not eat any junk food. Should we have Panera at work, I will neither eat a chocolate duet cookie with walnuts nor eat a bag of chips. Should we have Macaroni Grill at work, I will cry instead of eating the tiramisu — oh, I will sob! I will not bake cookies just because I want to turn the oven on. I will eat extra veggies in soups. I will rely on healthier snack options, like low fat pumpkin bread and low fat/ high fiber/ high protein peanut butter banana muffins. No more 400 calorie brownies. No more ice cream. Nada! This unhealthy nonsense has got to stop.

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[Mindfulist] February 10th

[February 10th] Come Together/Fall Apart: “We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.” – Pema Chödrön

That’s a very wabi-sabi statement. Don’t believe me? Check out Leonard Koren’s book, which was required reading for my first class with Dr. Gregory Ulmer. With the aid of that book, I was able to design a “United Statesian” philosophy and discover my own emblem. If you read that book from cover to cover, you will find that Chödrön’s statement absolutely fits with the wabi-sabi concept. How’s that for mindfulness — bringing my education full circle and being the teacher in a sense. Granted, I’m clearly still very much the student in the equation.

That statement also seems to fit my life. You see, life for me is like a roller coaster at times. Good times give way to bad times, and bad times give way to good times. Finances get tight, finances get comfortable. The kids throw tantrums, the kids say the sweetest things. Life just seems to ebb and flow that way. During the times when everything seems to be simultaneously falling apart, I get through it by reminding myself that it won’t stay that way — that the pieces will fit back together again in time. It’s a good way to practice patience and mindfulness.

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Gratitude # 65

I’m grateful for my annual new sneakers. I love how bright and wonderful the look fresh out of the box. I love the process of breaking them in, although I tend to be very ginger about getting them scuffed, dirty, or wet when they’re brand new. I like the look and feel of brand new shoes. They’re fabulous

I’m also grateful for having a friend in my bus driver. I was telling her how I had the bus GPS tracker loaded up and noticed I could’ve made the earlier bus to go home and eat earlier. I was very hungry today for whatever reason — I suspect my body was spoiled by the early lunch yesterday — and really would’ve loved to have made it home on time. First she offered me a piece of fruit, and I politely declined because I didn’t want to steal her lunch/ snacks. Then she offered me mixed, organic nuts. “They’re full of protein!” So, I accepted a couple handfuls. Mmm, almonds! I certainly do love almonds. So, I had a little snack to take the edge off thanks to my wonderful friend (who just so happens to be the bus driver, too).

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Observation Journal (February 10th)

While recording attendance for last week’s seminar, I paused to read the name and recall the face of the student if I knew them, attempting to gain a better recognition for when I see the students in my office, in the hallways, or even off campus. I took note if I had any preconceived notions of a particular student. For example, a few students I associate as being unpleasant. I would stop to reflect on why I considered the student unpleasant, thinking in the context of the encounters with the students. I found that I associated some students as much more pleasant to recall than others and also reflected on why I have that preconceived notion. It was a great exercise in mindfulness, and I also took a moment to realize that I was projecting certain annoyances onto several students. In the future, I will definitely be making an effort to separate people from situations as best as possible.

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