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#Manifestival2012 Intentions

Yesterday I set aside time for me — time to hang out at my favorite little cafe, sipping tea, savoring chocolate, writing, and being with myself. (And hooray! Someone else paid my tab for me! How sweet was that! I wish I could have thanked those wonderful women!) I’ve been craving alone time to just sit and hear myself think, listen to the thoughts that arise, and let the words flow from my finger tips. Admittedly, weeks 2 and 3 of 2012 haven’t been as cultivating as they should have been. In fact, this past week has been downright ridiculous. It was like a page straight out of 2011, and I wanted to shake that right off. I needed this therapeutic time to allow myself permission to give myself my undivided attention.

I brought along my laptop, a lovely new spiral notebook I got for Christmas, my little journal, and my planner. I’ve already scheduled another visit for the next payday, which also happens to be a day off. Of course, I may bring along my husband for some couple time, but as it stands this place is like a therapist’s office to me. I come here, they treat me like a valued guest, and I enjoy delicious food and drink in a peaceful, lovely environment. Today’s particularly overcast, but the low lighting works just fine. It’s not like an uncomfortably bright room in which you feel blinded by fluorescent noise. It’s like… home. It’s my sanctuary, where I’m free to writing happily and sip something warm and comforting. I’m free to be me.

I’ve been implored by this week’s manifestival prompt to reflect on 2011 and the themes each month had. So, I literally opened a new tab to review my posts for each month, jotted notes in my spiral, and meditated a bit on what each month’s theme was. Here’s what I came up with, no explanations given:

  1. January: Processing
  2. February: A New Hope
  3. March: Quiet Reverberance
  4. April: Critical Mass/ Meltdown
  5. May: Health Crisis
  6. June: Letting Go of Guilt
  7. July: Financial Crisis/ Social Withdrawal
  8. August: Settling for Less
  9. September: Attempting to Balance
  10. October: Swallowing a Tough Pill
  11. November: Focusing
  12. December: Preparation (for 2012)

Last year was filled with more than its fair share of downs and not enough ups. I struggled financially, mentally, and physically. My hopes and dreams were shattering around me, faster than I could piece them back together. This year I’d like to take those shattered remains, plant them, nurture them, and watch them grow into something even bigger than I could have hoped for. What finally went well for me was to embrace those who embraced me — no more flailing and chasing after someone would didn’t even bat an eyelash before casting me aside. The wonderful people who come here and read, comment, and express their contentment with my work are the ones who deserve my time and attention. And in fact, I learned a good lesson last year — the lesson that I must remain firmly grounded throughout my life, no matter how successful or unsuccessful I become. While it wasn’t an enjoyable year, it was a year of teachable moments, guiding me to a clearer understanding of myself, my flaws, and my talents.

It is my intention this year to become successful. I must focus. I must have discipline. I must balance. I must be patient. And above all else, I must learn all that I can. I have the resources to do so, lying dormant in my files. I cannot allow 2012 to be a repeat of 2011. I must cultivate myself — cultivate a life worth living. If it’s worthwhile, it’s worth the effort to cultivate it. And in case you hadn’t noticed, that’s my theme for 2012: cultivation.

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#Cultivate2012 Mid-Month Review

Let’s review our month so far. What have you been doing to cultivate a life worth living? What challenges have you faced so far? What solutions can you brainstorm to overcome those challenges? I’ll go first…

I’m facing the very real probability that moving day has become an indefinite again. I anticipated a higher monthly income, but the nature of my circumstances is such that I’m still incapable of getting that shiny new place. I found a place that seemed almost too good to be true, even — and it was. The pet deposit was obscene. You cannot claim to be pet friendly if you charge a per-pet pet deposit — it’s the same carpeting that would be replaced once. Asides from the carpeting, I can’t imagine what else they’d need money for. I paid a $100 pet deposit once for any and all pets I’d ever have when I lived in my last apartment complex. But I digress. I’m faced with the probability that even March 1st may not be reasonable unless I take aggressive actions in order to remove myself from this situation. The ugly D-monster has been rearing its angry head, pinning me to the ground with a vengeance, telling me I’m not good enough to make it.

Those are my challenges. Now, I do have some ideas brainstormed to overcome these challenges, but I do need to maintain a certain level of ambiguity with regards to those ideas. Those actions are easier planned than completed, though. To some extent, I also have to rely on others to complete those actions, too. However, there are a great number of things I can do to cultivate a life worth living for the interim. It’s going to require allowing myself to feel anxious, angry, frustrated, and depressed when those emotions arise. When those emotions arise, it’s best not to try talking myself out of it. Instead, I need to care for myself. I need to step away from what I’m doing and whatever’s upsetting me, and I need to drink some water or tea and rest. It takes a lot more energy to be unhappy than it does to be happy, I’ve found. If I give myself some time to rest and recoup my energy, I can better face the challenges ahead of me. Admittedly, I haven’t been cultivating good sleeping habits anyway. I also haven’t enjoyed enough tea (or infusions, for that matter). A little simple self-care and solitude can make a huge difference in my outlook, and I need to stop approaching life as though these simple steps are unreasonable. They’re not. I’m human, and my energy reserves and limits are finite. I must accept that in order to cultivate a life worth living.

The dates may have changed, but situations and circumstances don’t change over night. It’s our responsibility to change our perspectives and our situations — which also can’t happen. That’s why the Cultivate project exists. It will take some time to cultivate ourselves and our lives, but it’s going to be a worthwhile journey.

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#365Altars Lighting A Candle

Just once more, the frosty peppermint snow candle is lit. Just shy of an eighth remains, the jar blackened by the flame. Still, the flame towers high, emitting that sweet scent into the air. As I meditate upon the candle, frustration sets in. Set backs have crept up this week — but this is the year I intended to change everything. Times flies past as my frustrations build. Most of the wax remains solid, the flame still flickering softly upon the mantle. Its warm glow provides a very small, limited area of zen amid. It reminds me that it is possible to contain a state of zen within a very small, limited area — like the area within myself. Unlike the candle, however, I do not possess a glass container in which to contain my peace — nor would I wish for such. Glass can shatter, scattering sharp shards. Glass keeps things out, which is good for a candle — but not for a person. A person needs people and experiences to permeate the barrier for the sake of growth and development. These set backs are part of my growth and development. So while I greet them with disdain now, I will wish them farewell with gratitude.

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#ThankfulThursday Living the Gratitude

I’d been riding the day’s many joys so much that I had nearly forgotten to write. My shift was short and smooth. The grocery shopping afterwards went equally smooth. I came home, put everything away, reorganized the pantry (which had gotten a bit cluttered and out of control), and prepared one of my signature dishes. I baked a cake mix I got for Christmas (and it came with an adorable cake server), then I frosted it with some fancy new frosting dispenser. Cute edging on my cake made easy? Yes, please!

And to top everything off, I received news from my good friend Nicki that her baby girl Kenna’s defying odds like her brother did before her. Baby Kenna was born on Monday at 24 weeks gestation due to fetal and maternal distress. Nicki had been suffering from pre-eclampsia and had been desperately adhering to bed rest in the hopes to keep her baby girl in as long as possible. Luckily, the high risk doctors foresaw a premature delivery and administered medication to help Kenna’s lungs develop faster. Today Kenna underwent her first surgery, and she came through beautifully. I’m so incredibly thankful for medical advances that make this possible, as well as for the power of prayer and positive thinking. Whatever your religious (or non) alignment is, I’d say it’s easy for everyone to appreciate the miracle of a tough preemie.

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#365Altars by Wholly Jeanne

Let me premise this by saying that if you’re not following @whollyjeanne, you should. She’s brilliant and packed full of Southern charm. This year she’s created 365 Altars, meant to “honor our deepest sumptuous selves.” Honoring myself daily also ties into cultivating myself. In order to cultivate a life worth living, I need to honor myself. So I’m participating in this project — on and offline. Even if you don’t see a post, I’m practicing offline mostly. That’s really the point, I think. So far I’ve been honoring myself with writing time, coloring time, exercise time, plenty of water, and as much nourishing food as I can squeeze out each day. I’d like to increase my sunshine quotient, too, but the weather needs to cooperate on a certain level.

So if you haven’t yet noticed, I’m following along with three other projects that feed into my Cultivate project. Each project incorporates ideas to better ourselves and our lives. This year I’m cultivating a life worth living by honoring my deepest sumptuous self, attending the Manifestival, and living the list!

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#MondayMeditation Soaking In the New Year

We’re already nine days into 2012 (two thousand twelve or twenty twelve?), and already I feel a greater peace with my life than I did this time last year. Perhaps that’s because last year I was just beginning my journey living under someone else’s roof. This year I’m anticipating a move very, very soon. We may not achieve our February 1st goal due to some very complicated reasons of which I will not explain in public, but we have definitely spent the majority of our time here at this point. Even if our plans get pushed back to, say, March 1st, we’ll still be alright. I’ve allowed myself to explore ideas to cultivate a life worth living (yes, I’m going to repeat this phrase over and over again throughout the year — brace yourselves!), as well as explore other projects that encourage readers to revel in themselves and their dreams. Incidentally, I’m much more pleasant when I’ve taken care of myself. I don’t do as well when all I’ve had to eat is junk and I’m dehydrated. I’ve known this for years, but somehow I always end up letting my needs fall to the back burner when I’m asked to do something else. In those cases, I carry resentment. Resentment turns into stress, headaches, migraines, back pain, and a weakened immune system — seriously not a good state of being for anyone. This is why I think we should all stop to cultivate ourselves. It’s a holistic approach to feeling better and performing better, and there shouldn’t be a sense of guilt or selfishness involved. After all, I end up feeling guilty when I feel resentful towards someone I care about just because I stopped to do something for them instead of eating breakfast or washing my face.

Today’s Cultivate 2012 actions were: eating chocolate cereal instead of snacking on cookies and fudge (note to self: unload the rest of the fudge on unsuspecting co-workers); completing crunches and yoga; meeting my water quota by 4PM; writing in green metallic ink; and spending a little extra time to plan a nice meal for Thursday night.

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#Manifestival2012: Making Space

Last week I was introduced to a complementary project called Manifestival, which essentially encourages us much like how Cultivate encourages us. Both projects aim to help us achieve our goals and dreams, and I feel that incorporating this sister project will facilitate the cultivation process. During its first week, Manifestival focused on making space in various aspects of our lives. It’s been a lot to digest and process, and they have slowed down a bit to allow participants the opportunity to fully absorb the content. Thus far we’ve been encouraged to make space for nature, our home and objects, sounds and music, movement and meditation, and food and sustenance.

Given that I’m planning a move (that may be getting pushed to March 1st instead), making space resonates deeply with me. I especially need to make space with regards to our objects as we continue planning, packing, and downsizing. Moving has a way of inspiring us to purge the unnecessary items that we seem to mindlessly accrue over time. “I’m packing this why?” I definitely need to take more time to make more space for important items and to make the new space we’ll inhibit much less cluttered. Packing and unpacking frustrates me because too much junk can prolong the process.

Making space for food, sustenance, movement, meditation, sounds, music, and nature feeds directly into my motivation to cultivate a healthier lifestyle in which I’m thriving: mindfully preparing a nourishing, healthy meal; soaking in my surroundings using all five senses while taking a walk; getting lost in my favorite songs; quieting my mind so as to bring mental relaxation and rejuvenation.

I see a lot of promise in Manifestival. I highly recommend you follow it as a supplement or complement to Cultivate, just as I recommend following the Live the List Challenge. These projects are going to help us cultivate our dreams.

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#LiveTheList Our 2012 Master List

You may recall me reviewing Live the List, written by my friend Nicole Andrews. I was so inspired by her book and challenge that I decided to adopt her idea for me and my family. On New Year’s Day we sat down and created a list that would take us through 2012. Here it is:

  • Have a picnic at Crawfish Springs
  • Take a day-trip to Atlanta
  • Go to AWA (Anime Weekend Atlanta)
  • Go bowling
  • Move into our own place
  • Fix the van
  • Work towards getting Meredith a license to drive
  • Visit Florida
  • Explore Chattanooga
  • Get White Castle (NOT the freezer aisle stuff)
  • Go to the mall in Chattanooga
  • Hold a Cultivate 2012 conference
  • Pay down our debt
  • Transfer some or all credit card debt to a 0% introductory APR card
  • Make Electrate Editorials a viable business
  • Go to the moves as a family and/ or as a couple
  • Find a local place that sells orange blossom honey
  • Test out local pizzerias
  • Try Choo Choo BBQ
  • Go to One-Eleven
  • Make muffins with Tati
  • Teach Rob how to cook
  • Rob wants to learn how to hit two baseballs with one bat
  • Teach Tati how to jump rope
  • Take the kids to a baseball game
  • Potty train Brian Jr.

Following the Live the List Challenge ties in beautifully for cultivating a life worth living. Finding our happiness throughout 2012 will strengthen our bonds and brighten our outlooks. During the year I’ll share updates when we cross an item off our list.

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#ThankfulThursday #Cultivate2012

It probably sounds too egotistical, but I’m incredibly thankful for my inner brilliance showing through finally. Maybe it’s all the Hemingway literature I’ve been devouring, maybe it’s the inspiring new people I’ve been reading, or maybe it’s the inspiring people who are encouraging me. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful that I conceived of the Cultivate project, and I’m grateful that you’re following me down this path. Life feels like a good story at this moment — you don’t know where it’s going next, and you can’t wait to read on to find out more. I’ve got two days off in a row tomorrow, and you can bet that I’ll be spending some quality time with my family making memories and crossing items off of our lists. I haven’t felt this good about the start of a new year in a while. The last time I felt this good about the start of a new year, I ended up doing something epic. Considering how awesome that turned out, I have a strong sense of hope for 2012. I’m exceedingly thankful for the fresh start this year has offered me. While to some it’s an arbitrary change, to me this feels like a second chance to seize hold of my dreams — a second chance to build that better life, starting right now.

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